Welcome to the year 2015. Please have a seat. We begin, because why the hell not, with one John Ellis Bush. Jeb!, as only his closest frenemies know him, is the slightly less inept brother of former president George W. Bush and the son of fellow former president George H.W. Bush. Though some theorize that Jeb!'s rise to political power was simply spurred by the fact that he was literally surrounded with presidents at every family dinner, others argue that he was inspired to pursue a life of political power after growing up completely traumatized that he wasn't also named George.
Perhaps it is that internal sadness that inspired Jeb!'s most recent case of public stupidity, this time poetically trodding familiar social territory for the Bush last name. "Think about it this way," Bush began on the topic of black voters in the forthcoming election during a recent campaign event in South Carolina. "Republicans get 4-7 percent of the African-American vote. If you double that, you win elections in Ohio [and] Virginia. And we should make that case, because our message is one of hope and aspiration. It isn’t one of division, 'Get in line, we’ll take care of you with free stuff.' Our message is uplifting, that says, 'You can achieve earned success. We’re on your side.'"
The question that prompted Bush to go full Bush was, predictably, delivered by a white guy. According to Salon, this white guy made a point of how the event was "all-white" and what could be done about inspiring black voters to come to the Republican party Dark Side. As if to double down on his press coverage this week, and certainly to prove to his family and to the world that he was in no fear of spoiling the Bush name, Jeb! also called out Pope Francis for his thoughts on climate change, adding that our boy Frank shouldn't talk about such matters because he's "not a scientist." Of course, Pope Francis is a fucking chemist.
Carry on.
Related Stories
George W. Bush Returns to New Orleans, Says Everything Is Better Now
Ten years after Hurricane Katrina, George W. Bush returns to New Orleans.
Jeb Bush Reveals He Smoked Weed Four Decades Ago, Nation Yawns
Jeb, whose full name is John Ellis Bush and often includes the addition of an exclamation mark, also apologized to his mother.
Jeb Bush Attempts to Smear Donald Trump by Digging Up Old Footage of Him Saying Relatively Progressive Things
The last thing a Republican voter wants is someone with a history of occasionally, when the moment is right, saying vaguely intelligent things.
