Jeb Bush Reveals He Smoked Weed Four Decades Ago, Nation Yawns

On Wednesday evening, an immeasurable number of Republican presidential hopefuls stood before the nation on live television in another attempt at reminding voters that Donald Trump isn't the only well-to-do oldish guy in an ill-fitting suit. In fact, there are at least nine others and even one woman, Carly Fiorina, burdened with the misfortune of battling for airtime on topics like Planned Parenthood with all 10 of these trained circus professionals.

However, the true highlight of the night occurred when John Ellis Bush, brother of esteemed academic George W. Bush and possessor of the enthusiastic nickname Jeb! (emphasis not mine), daringly admitted to smoking some doobies four decades ago:

Though Jeb!'s so-called admission appears to have been organically prompted by a discussion regarding noted baseball legendChris Christie's recent assertion that his (highly) theoretical presidency would initiate some sort of federal ridiculousness against states where weed is currently recreationally legal, it also smacks of something even lamer: a desperate grab at the cool, hip youth vote with their complicated shoes.

Shortly after his totally groovy admission, Jeb! tweeted an apology aimed indirectly at his mother, who presumably cares very little about the cool, hip youth vote with their complicated shoes: