Vehicles For Sale: 13 Of The Most Iconic Video Game Rides

If a used car lot for gaming vehicles existed, it would be run by the shady merchant from Resident Evil 4. The late night local commercials for it would be terrible.

And we would shop there for a new ride without any hesitation.

Gaming vehicles are often as iconic as any character in a game; not only do they cut down on travel time, but they also become an emotional investment. Especially if you have to feed it from time to time.

So if we were to travel to this mythical Valhalla of used lots, what would we find? Maybe a lightly-used Agro, or a well-maintained tank from Metal Slug? We decided to check out the classified listings for our favorite iconic gaming rides from over the years, from the four-legged to the two-winged.

Privately owned - original owner was a smoker but never really went on board. Engine still runs smoothly, slight exterior and interior damage from intergalactic assault/suicide mission. Full amenities/quarters for most crew members, unless your body is covered in tattoos or you are Krogan. Kitchen definitely needs some supply upgrades, like meat.

Mileage: 13,056 Relay Jumps

Features: Shoots frickin' laser beams, Tricia Helfer

Exterior Color: Shot to hell. So, not sure anymore.

Sticker Price: $111.7 million (salvage title)

One owner, mildly tamed. Was only killed 3 times by a pack of wolves, and twice by pumas. Can still outrun the any other animal in the West! Coat still has a lustrous sheen, well cared for by previous owner.

Mileage: Depending on how many times it was summoned via whistling before being killed (roughly 45 missions)

Exterior Color: Black as a Ninja’s underwear

Features: Beautiful Black Mane, never needs to eat for some reason

Sticker Price: $750 (with good Samaritan discount)

This listing is for a bulk lot of VVs. Last owner used 30 ship code and only used 14 ships, so get the unused ships at a bulk rate!

Mileage: All have about 2 parsecs each

Exterior: Space-Age Silver

Features: Fragile as F*ck w/o shields, comes fully loaded with OPTIONS

Sticker Price: $15 billion

You’ll never find another coupe like this! Unique kit car built for special operations; i.e., destroying things. Still runs great, needs a slight tune-up. Tends to explode even when a mosquito splats on the windshield.

Mileage: 5 miles (because car fell apart so easily, truck had to keep offloading new ones, hence the low mileage)

Exterior Color: Delicate Silver

Features: Machine guns, constant respawns

Sticker Price: $45,000

This beauty was found abandoned in Torlan – someone else’s loss is your gain! Transformation systems needs a little love and care (or a well-placed boot kick on the hull) in order to get energy cannon to deploy correctly. Includes aftermarket chrome 22’ rims. That’s right - 22 feet, not inches. 2nd passenger turret has family of squirrels living in gun barrel. This can be your new party van (needs several passengers to not suck).

Mileage: We can’t find odometer, so we don’t know

Color: Grayish

Features: Weak Defense, multiple plasma turrets, fully stocked bar near the rear cabin

Sticker Price: $19 million

L@@K!~ This Summer Louisiana special doesn’t need gasoline at all! Save the environment by scooping up this exotic ride! Only fuel necessary is the occasional hamburger or crawfish to feed the human being, who is fused by his limbs to the giant wheels. No need for expensive gas tank fill ups.

Mileage: 38 years of emotional baggage

Color: Burnt Cajun Brownish Red

Features: Father issues, Supernova Shockwave special attack

Sticker Price: Free – we can’t stand hearing Axel’s tormented diatribes anymore

Feisty, rebellious = loads of fun. This mare was found somewhere in Hyrule, running around without a rider. Only evidence that she was ever owned was a single brown glove caught in the stirrup, as if previous owner tried to hold on before she broke free and ran off. Only needs carrots as fuel!

Mileage: Looks to be about 6 years old

Color: Poop Brown

Features: Never listens (haven’t you always wanted a ride with a mind of its own?), long stride

Sticker Price: $250

High speed exotic! Needs new transmission and tires. Comes standard with someone’s blond ex-girlfriend, who has been overexposed to the sun and looks malnourished.

Mileage: 54,589 Quarters

Color: 80’s Red

Features: Full 6-speaker sound system (only plays songs that are either contemporary jazz or Caribbean themed).

Sticker Price: $16,500

Own a rare original! Plasma engines still hum beautifully. If you know what this ship can do, then you know all about its perfect balance of speed and power. Minor laser scoring on the exterior near cockpit. Orange animal dander is all over the interior, which only adds charm to this intergalactic beast.

Mileage: unknown

Color: Panty – Dropping Silver

Features: Cannon/Smart Bomb Launcher, G-diffusers

Sticker Price: $3.5 million

Recovered from the area around an old lighthouse, this minimalist, small block V8-powered monster can get you anywhere you need to go. Has original comfortable seats that were lifted from some random car, and has all natural AC. Who needs luxury when you can be one with the outdoors?

Mileage: 240,090 miles

Color: Rust Brown

Features: Tau Cannon, Turbo Boost

Own the best frame ever created! Needs a loving runner to provide that TLC. Fully articulated humanoid form, complete with optional phallic protrusion. Full options included: Navigation, ADA, and biometric fusion. Only two previous owners, both non-smokers.

Mileage: 7,455,543 miles (she covers distances at a pretty high clip)

Color: Glowing Blue, Silver

Features: Comes with an AI that never shuts up and doesn’t cook or clean

Sticker Price: $1.2 Billion OBO

Want a piece of history in your driveway? This vessel once carried the first 3D party/crew in the FF series, automatically making it better than any other vessel in the games’ franchise! Main deck also serves as a battleground. Previous owner chain-smoked like a boss, so cabin may reek of nicotine and crabbiness. Odin’s horse may have defecated on the deck as well during a battle.

Mileage: 79 Limit Breaks

Color: I-Can’t-Believe-They-Did-That-to-Aeris Emo Gray

Features: Bikini-Clad Lady painted on hull, fully loaded Command Deck, infinite HP replenishment in Strategy Room

Price: $2.3 million, non-negotiable

This is it – the baddest 4 wheeled beast ever to roll through a shooter. Driven by thousands of frat-boys across the US, this green machine has taken a beating, and somehow manages to never overturn. Steering could use a little work, but it would have to be rebuilt from the ground-up.

Mileage: 75,687 miles

Color: Master Chief Green

Features: M41 machine gun, new tires

Price: $126,000