Image via Complex Original
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Good news for everyone who cares about the histrionics of adult male celebrities aka the entire Internet! Drake is very mad at Rolling Stone for writing a story in which they quoted him offering a critique of Yeezus and for having the nerve to bump him from the cover in favor of recently deceased, beloved icon of stage and screen, Phillip Seymour Hoffman. So what does a mature, well-adjusted grown up do in such a scenario? Take to Twitter, of course, where Drake announced that he is done—just DONE!—with magazine interviews.
Hey Drake, I’m thinking of starting a podcast, so we cool? In any case, it’s a good thing GQ snagged that 2013 Drake cover story when they did. Call me old fashioned, but I just like the feel of holding a physical account of Drake’s safari room and air-conditioned dog house in my hands, you know?
Naturally, yesterday’s announcement has gotten Drake more press than the original interview would have, and his subsequent apologyhas kept this story alive even longer, setting the foundation for our Canadian philosopher to quit any number of things in the coming months. So, what else is Drake done with? Let’s investigate.
Steve Dool is a writer based in New York City. Follow him on Twitter.
2.drakedonelead
3.hotpockets
Hot Pockets
"I'm done wrapping my food up in a sealed edible pouch. I just want to give my food straight to my mouth unencumbered by an irresistibly flaky crust. That's the only way the chicken jalapeño cheddar flavor medley gets across accurately."
4.furry
Plushies And Furries
"I'm done dressing up like a high school mascot for the sexual pleasure of myself and others. I just want to dress up like an adult baby for the sexual pleasure of myself and others. That's the only way for me to both give and receive sexual pleasure accurately."
5.shakira
Latter Day Shakira Songs
"I'm done listening to 'Hips Don’t Lie'. I just want to listen to her earlier Spanish-language work. That's the only way the essence of a true Latina singer, unaffected by the overbearing cultural imperialism of the United States pop industrial complex, gets across accurately."
6.susanmiller
Susan Miller's Astrology Zone
"I'm done asking that lady for my horoscope. I just want to get predictions for my love life directly from the solar system. That's the only way I can be on the look out for an important business decision in the third week of the month accurately."
7.carmel
Carmel Limo Service
"I'm done dialing 666-6666 for my car service. I just want to walk when I’m going to the airport or running around town. That's the only way to go shopping or get to a movie accurately."
8.soulcycle
SoulCycle
"I'm done going to spin class at SoulCycle. I just want to blast Katy Perry in my living room and roll around on a swivel chair for an hour, while my bodyguard Spoon yells vaguely intimidating encouragement into a headset. That's the only way my cardiovascular health gets maintained accurately."
9.tagalongs
Tagalongs
"I'm done only ordering the peanut butter Girl Scout Cookies. I just want to order a diverse assortment this year, including Samoas and Do-si-dos. That's the only way to enjoy the breadth of cookies offered by those underage baked goods aficionados accurately."
10.women
Women
“I'm done with human women. I just want to give myself to a Scarlett Johansson computer voice. That's the only way to feel true love in these increasingly confusing modern times accurately."
11.orangeisthenewblack
Binge Watching Orange Is The New Black
"I'm done binge watching #OITNB on Netfilx when this new season starts. I just want to watch one episode at a time from now on. That's the only way to feel the depth of the truly emotionally devastating Crazy Eyes story arc accurately."
12.feelings
Feelings
"PSYCH, feelings! You know I can’t quit you. OVO!"