Image via Complex Original
When we put James Franco and Seth Rogen on the cover of our latest issue, it fueled our impatience for their film This Is The End, which comes out today. The film pits the two against some apocalyptic odds—and then some. That in turn got us thinking about how we'd survive the slow but sure destruction of everything that we hold dear—and more importantly, what we'd wear. After all, just because society has crumbled and Earth is a decaying wasteland doesn't mean you still shouldn't look good.
In the event of a massive catastrophe, it helps if your gear is as indomitable as your will to survive. Whether the planet is consumed by flames, freezes over for another Ice Age, or humanity is reduced to a bunch of roving tribes of bandit overlords and/or zombie cyborgs, we have you covered. Be ready for anything, here's What to Wear to Survive the Apocalypse.
Thick Leather Jacket
Ideal for: Avoiding zombie bites
Key feature: Heavy Steerhide Outer; Insulated Lining
Should the dead roam the Earth, keep their flesh-gnawing teeth at bay in a hardy leather jacket. They'll have plenty of trouble trying to claw and gnash their way through this tough steerhide Schott jacket, while a quilted lining on the inside keeps you warm. The best part? It'll break in over time, ensuring you can stay swift, mobile, and ten steps ahead of the zombie hordes. Of course, it helps if you have a sick motorcycle to outrun them on.
Heavy Raw Denim
Ideal for: Not needing any other pairs of pants
Key feature: 18 oz. Unsanforized Japanese Selvedge Denim
When the going gets rough, you need a pair of jeans that won't break under pressure. Good thing this pair from 3sixteen+ is made from low tension slack weave denim so it won't rip, not to mention the stuff clocks in at a beefy 18 oz. That's more than a pound of fabric standing between you and the worst the apocalypse can offer.
Flame-Resistant Work Shirt
Ideal for: Living in a world of flames without getting singed
Key feature: 6 oz. Lightweight Flame-Resistant Twill
The key to not losing your shirt when the world is burning all around you? Well, a flame-resistant shirt from Carhartt might help. Field-tested to comply with standards set by the National Fire Prevention Association, flame-resistant melamine buttons also ensure you can stand the heat while still being about to button your shirt.
Bulletproof Bomber Jacket
Ideal for: Surviving martial law
Key feature: Armored NIJ IIIA Bullet-Resistant Lining
When the government resorts to unsanctioned violence to quell the rioting masses amidst the downfall of society, you'll have a better chance of surviving in this. While the $850 price tag is by no means affordable, similar protective gear can go for thousands. This bomber jacket is lined in bulletproof lining built up to the standards of the National Institutes of Justice—so right now there are real, actual secret agents and shit who may be wearing it. It also protects against some heavy duty ballistics, including super powerful .44 Magnum rounds. Just be sure to keep moving—it won't do you much good if a stray bullet lands in your cerebellum.
Goose Down Parka
Ideal for: Staying warm in the next Ice Age
Key feature: Field-Tested for Temperatures Down to -30 Degrees
Should we be treated to an icy apocalypse rather than a literal hell on Earth, Canada Goose will likely be one of our saviors. Not just because it's good enough for Drake, but rather because this Expedition Parka was made to withstand the frigid climate of Anatarctica—literally the coldest place on Earth. A heavy-duty synthetic outer repels moisture and water, while a coyote-fur lined hood keeps your body heat where it belongs: on your body.
Radiation Coverall
Ideal for: Making it through a nuclear winter
Key feature: Shields Against Gamma Rays Up to 130 KeV
Contrary to popular belief, gamma ray exposure doesn't turn you into a green, raging behemoth of a man. It just kills you. If 1950s conspiracy theorists are right and we ultimately end up ruining everything with a couple of WMDs, then you might want to consider a quality radiation suit. This Demron coverall features heat-sealed and taped seams, the same kind of details you'd expect from quality tech outerwear, except it's got an advanced molecular design that makes it breathable and cool while still remaining a quality shield against "high-energy beta particles." Also, it comes in camo. Because if it was white, you'd stick out like a sore thumb—the last thing you want to do in a warzone.
Bullet and Knife-Resistant Polo Shirt
Ideal for: Breezy spring days in a lawless world
Key feature: Anti-Ballistic Removable Panels
We've covered Miguel Caballero's bulletproof gear before, and this particular polo shirt isn't the only thing he's made. While the $3,500 asking price is a lot, this guy's purportedly dressed Barack Obama in bullet-resistant suits. During the apocalypse, we imagine the firefights will be intense as you face down martial law and desperate people with nothing left to lose but bullets. That much money doesn't seem so expensive now, does it? Especially while the economy is still a thing and not a distant memory of the past as society burns down around you.
Flame-Resistant Camo Pants
Ideal for: Styling on marauders who may or may not have flamethrowers
Key feature: Permanent Flame-Resistant Treatment
Drifire makes tactical gear that is also flame resistant. These camo pants are a perfect balance of clothes made to move while at the same time providing super adequate protection. In the event that humanity breaks apart into murderous, nomadic tribes, these pants have impact-resistant kneepads for bowing down to your new overlords, while the "SuperFabric" they're made from promotes traction and durability. They're also permanently coated with a flame-resistant treatment, and have antibacterial odor control built in—you know in case you shit your pants with fear.
Lightweight Combat Boots
Ideal for: Making your way through mutant-infested towns quickly and safely
Key feature: Water-Resistant Shell; Puncture- and Laceration-Resistant Forefoot; Super-Cushioned Midsole
Leather boots might be durable, but they're not comfortable. Lightweight sneakers may make you swift, but they won't last long. Good thing the Nike Special Field Boot combines the best of both worlds. Built on a Free-inspired sole, they improve mobility while giving you the ability to sprint at your fastest—handy when you need to outrun mutant hordes that are pretty quick. They also dry fast, for those times when you need to get your feet wet wading through the moat surrounding your fortified home base.
Cut-Resistant Boxer Shorts
Ideal for: Any apocalyptic situation
Key feature: Cut-Tex PRO Slash-Resistant Fabric
It takes some serious balls to survive in a world gone mad, so why not wear underwear that seriously protects yours? PPSS specializes in slash-resistant undergarments, ranging from T-shirts and baselayers to these boxers. If you want to see how the stuff works, just watch the video. In a post-apocalyptic world, bringing a knife to a gunfight will be more commonplace when bullets become a precious commodity, but at least when you're wearing these under your pants you can rest assured the family jewels are protected.