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Halloween is right around the corner which means many ladies will be out on the prowl in rather revealing costumes. There's also going to be plenty of drinking going on, and as dressed up as many of us get, we all know the ultimate goal is to get undressed by the night's end.
Let us help you out, there's going to be plenty of dudes out there in dumb costumes, many of them bound to be a little inapproriate. When in doubt, here's 25 Halloween Costumes That Will Get You Laid.
drake
25. Drake
L.L. Bean Cable Knit Sweater, $159
Ray Ban Original Wayfarer, $150
Gold Chain, $5
Pinky Ring, $150
Rosé, $15
Heartbreak Drake's been dropping panties since Jimmy played basketball in a wheelchair. From a female's point of view, this guy can do no wrong. Want to get laid after the Halloween party? Just rap his lyrics from the lovey dovey "Best I Ever Had" to the somewhat disrespectful "She Will" and even "Every Girl" and you'll have all the chicks calling you the man of their dreams. Just go easy on the cups of the rosé.
hef
24. Hugh Hefner
Vintage 1950's Mens Robe, $40
Nike Black Sweatpants, $75
Viagra Candy, $7
Del Toro Velvet Slipper, $270
His balls are probably more wrinkled than an elephant's toe knuckle, but the blonde bomshells at the Playboy mansion seem to love him anyway. It could be his money, it could be his ability to put their naked asses on the cover, but just throw on a silky bathrobe and you'll have bunnies hopping on your dick faster than you can say "trick or treat."
bret
23. Bret Michaels
Cowboy Hat, $27
Affliction T-shirt, $58
Wig, $19
Leather Cuff, $24
Metal Bracelet, $20
Rock of Love DVDs, $20
Ray-Ban RB3471, $110
To us, this balding dude is just the lead singer of a one-hit wonder hair metal band. But have you seen the chicks he pulls on VH1's "Rock of Love?" To them, he's a god. The girls are all trashy, tattooed, stripping trainwrecks, but that's exactly what we want on Halloween. Give us that damn wig and bandanna, we'll practice singing "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" and wake up with new venereal diseases.
drunk
22. Drunk
Jack Daniels, $27
Franzia Wine, $12
PBR 30-Pack, $22
Barf Bags, $10 for 5
Exactly what you think this is. Take 5 shots of Jameson, sip down a couple of Long Islands, and bed a fat chick — that's what the barf bags are for. Hey, at least you got laid!
clinton
21. Bill Clinton
Toy Saxophone, $20
BOSS Wool Suit, $795
Cigar, $7
White hair dye, $12
When you're dressed up as the first "black" President of the United States who can play the sax like Kenny G, girls are bound to let you pop all over their dresses.
tampon
20. Tampon
Shoelaces, $3
White beanie, $5
Hanes white turtleneck, $23
Polo White Jeans, $95
Red Vans sneakers, $45
Really though, what gets more pussy than a tampon? Zoiiiikes. At least we tried to be a little classy with our version, using actual clothing items rather than you know, a ton of cotton and red paint. Gross.
jamesbond
19. James Bond
Suit, $469
Gant Rugger White Oxford Shirt, $98
Black bow tie, $96
Gun, $14
Bullet Cocktail Shaker, $28
To girls, guns are dangerous and suits are hot. Dress up as agent 007 and you got it in the bag. Just remember to stay in character and never tell her your real name.
baby
18. A Baby
Snuggie, $15
Adult Diaper, $30
Pacifiers, $6
Giant Rattle, $6
Every girl's got a motherly instinct right? Appeal to that without really acting like a child and who knows, she may be taking you home for some naptime.
Tarzan
17. Tarzan
Leopard Trunks, $34
Dagger, $15
Sex Panther Cologne, $35
Tarzan Wig, $29
Show off your wild side and your guns with this jungle fever-inducing outfit. Be careful with the dagger and play your cards right, and you might get to do some stabbin' of a different sort.
ghost
16. Bedsheet Ghost
Sheets, $15 and up
Scissors, $9
You're already finna get between the sheets anyway right? Take out the middle man with this easy costume and invite Wonder Woman inside for a spooky clandestine makeout sesh.
han
15. Han Solo
Henley, $79
Vest, $235
Belt, $48
Blaster, $40
What geek girl doesn't love Han Solo? Channel the roguish charm but avoid acting like a scoundrel and any nerdy Princess might "Lay ya."
superman
14. Clark Kent/Superman
Fedora, $34
J. Crew Ludlow Blazer, $248
J. Crew Ludlow Pants, $118
American Apparel Glasses, $35
Superman Shirt, $27
You gotta be a handsome white dude to pull this one off, and even if it’s corny and cliché, we guarantee that Clark Kent gets more ‘tang than a zombie any day. Just flex your muscles and tell her that she’s your kryptonite.
lifeguard
13. Lifeguard
Swimming Trunks, $240
First Aid Kit, $8
Flotation Device, $14
Whistle, $5
Four words: mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Grab some red trunks and squeeze a dab of zinc oxide on your nose — this simple costume is good because you start out half naked. It just make things easier that way. Ed. Note: Fat dudes and dudes with backne might want to leave this one alone. Let adult swim commence!
gyno
12. Gynecologist
“Seymour Bush” Lab Coat, $15
Stethoscope, $45
Blow-Up Doll, $35
The doctor isn’t quite “in,” but you could get there in this get-up. Offer free screenings and let them know you're experienced by the blow-up "patient" hanging off your shoulders. Be warned, this one could go either way. You’ll probably get slapped in the face by disgusted females more than a few times, but if you play it right, you might just get one to open her legs for you. Just remember to be a good OBGYN and bring along some Plan B, so she knows there’ll be nothing to worry about.
aladdin
11. Aladdin
Fez, $18
Vest, $40
Sweatpants, $18
Lamp, $4
Ask any girl who her favorite Disney "Prince Charming" is and she'll say it's not the royal prick she fantasizes about, it's the bum-ass vagabond Aladdin. Girls like bad boys. This is the only time that wearing parachute pants and a vest with no shirt underneath is acceptable. Now go on and ride on that magic carpet and take her to "A Whole New World."
stripperpole
10. Stripper Pole
Foil, $2
Christmas Lights, $13
Because how else can you guarantee that girls will get naked and grind themselves against you? As stupid as this may sound, at the very least you’ll find one or two who think it’s clever enough to let the exhibitionist inside come out.
mrclean
9. Mr. Clean
White Tee, $11
Magic Eraser, $5
Bald Cap, $3
Clip-On Hoop Earring, $38
Damn, your arms are jacked and you clean up after yourself? She'll be thinking you're a catch for sure.
woods
8. Tiger Woods
Asics Gel Tour Lyte, $80
Adidas Approach Cart (Golf Bag), $165
Nike Fashion Stitch Golf Polo, $55
Durex Love Condoms, 12-Pack, $7
Blackberry Curve 8320 Red Dummy Display Toy Cell Phone, $15
Tiger Woods cleaned up in the women department, maybe by dressing up as him you can start racking up the numbers yourself. Just be sure to keep it a secret from your girl, otherwise you'll end up working on your stroke, if you catch our drift.
breathalyzer
7. Breathalyzer
Rubbies One-Size-Fits-All, $35
Any excuse to make out is a good one, this costume just gives you a great excuse too. "Wait, you're leaving? Better let me make sure you're not too faded..."
biebs
6. Justin Bieber
Rubie’s Costume Co. Child Justin Beiber Wig, $8
Blue Crown Midtown Slim Fit Mens Hoodie (Purple), $25
Supra Skytop Black/Grey/Purple-White, $100
Microphone, $3
Justin Bieber is a pretty surefire hit. Just keep away from karaoke machines if you can't really sing, but you better work on your dance moves to keep up the illusion.
peen
5. A Penis
Penis Costume, $55
We really can't make it any more obvious than this. Will it work? Possibly, chicks do dig guys with a sense of humor, and I mean, can you get to the point any quicker? It's like advertising... provided your pants can back it up.
spice
4. Old Spice Guy
Towel Set, American Living, $50
Deodorant, $3
Muscle Arms Costume Accessory, $14
Plastic Clam, $.25
1/2 inch Acrylic Diamonds, $10
Look behind you, now look back, it's the costume that athletic dudes everywhere can easily rock. Show off your sense of humor with the clamshell full of diamonds, and provided you're not totally doughy, she may deem you acceptable enough to see what's under the towel.
engagementring
3. Engagement Ring
Yellow Hula Hoop, $25
Sharpie, $4
Posterboard, $14
Girls flock to ice obviously, and this shows you can put a ring on it. Use the marker and posterboard to fashion a big diamond and a "Will You Marry Me?" sign... and on the back of it you can also put "Will You Go Home With Me Tonight?"
gosling
2. Ryan Gosling
Jacket, $160
Driving Gloves, $51
Black Jeans, $65
Cowboy Boots, $475
Preserve Toothpicks, $2
Toy Hammer, $3
Drive established this guy as a total badass, and ladies have been swooning over him for years. Channel that cool and maybe you'll be doing some driving too... back to her place.