Image via Complex Original
November is the best month of the year for two reasons. First, because I was born in November. And if I was never born, you’d never be able to read this post. Secondly, it’s the month of the Mo—also known as Movember. Which means it’s an opportunity to let your inhibitions run free and your moustache make a difference for men’s health.
The time has come to sign up at Movember.com and get ready to grow your moustache for 30 days. Do you need a little guidance to help you transform your upper lip? Well, you’re in luck, as I’ve polled some of my closest and hairiest stand-up comedian pals for tips on how to craft the most glorious of face brooms.
Disclaimer: Please use your best judgment when crafting your own moustache. Some of these guys are big-time losers, despite having beautiful nose skirts.
Doug Smith
Twitter: @whodougsmith
“Let your moustache grow for at least three weeks before you pass judgment on it. Some Mos pick up steam early and fade late, while others want to make sure you’re emotionally invested before it gives you everything it has. Trust the Mo and the Mo will trust you.”
Paul Palmeri
Twitter: @ThisPaul
“If you’re in your 30s and your moustache still grows like you’re in your teens, you might want to start visualizing your Movember moustache as soon as possible.”
Brendan Eyre
Twitter: @BrendanCEyre
“Embrace the urge to constantly talk about your new moustache. Having a moustache is like scoring a touchdown, act like it’s your first one, every time.”
Matt Wayne
Twitter: @MattWayne_
“It’s important to let people ask about your moustache in its early stages, as your Mo is still figuring out what it wants to be and people should understand that. If you look like that hockey player who knows he has zero athletic talent (but fans love him because he looks like their dad), then you’re already a winner.”
Jono Zalay
Twitter: @JonoZalay
“Every time you watch a sad movie and don’t cry, your moustache comes in a little fuller.”
Anthony DeVito
Twitter: @AnthonyDeVito_
“Don’t use the same razor you use to shave your carrots. Or shave your carrots first. Or last. Forget I said anything about carrots.”
Nate Fridson
Twitter: @natefridson
“I think the key to a good moustache is being sure of yourself. A respectable, full moustache requires you to grow it out for the entire 30 days of Movember. But if you are confident, you’ll reach the mountaintop. Clear eyes, full upper lip, can’t lose.”
Nick Naney
Twitter: @nicknaney
“I come from wimpy man stock so it’s hard for me to grow a moustache. However, I’ve found that if I stare really hard at a picture of my Bar Mitzvah while eating a raw egg and believing in myself, my body is convinced that I’m a man worthy of a stylish upper lip.”
Joel Walkowski
Twitter: @theWALKOWSKI
“Pretend to be the kind father you see on TV. The one that shows up to their kid’s football game driving a sweet, but conservative, convertible that he’s surprising his son with after the game. Those kind of dads are born with moustaches.”
Jason Burke
Twitter: @eatprayjason
“Try to groom your moustache in your office bathroom as frequently as possible. That way your boss will be so impressed by your ability to commit that he’ll finally let you ask out his daughter. Or at the very least, start getting your name right.”