How to Not Look Like a Douchebag at Coachella

If you're going to Coachella to be part of the scene and not to enjoy the music, you're probably on this list.

Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

We've reached the heart of music festival season—Coachella 2014 kicks off this weekend in California and with it will come a whole new horde of garish outfit crimes that only music fests can inspire normally level-headed people all to commit. Expect the grounds out in the Indio desert to be flooded with super bright neon tanks, inexplicable headgear, faux-hippie apparel, and parody tees. Those damn, awful, unfunny parody tees. Hopefully you haven't planned every Coachella alphet yet, because we're here to save you from being laughed at in a street style round-up next week. Read on for How to Not Look Like a Douchebag at Coachella.

Remember, body paint on dudes is extremely corny.

Especially if you're going to beg for attention as blatantly as this guy pictured. Pretty sure you just ruined any chance of an actual woman's hands taking those "invitations" until you've taken a shower, dawg.

Stop rocking ironically patriotic gear.

If you just really love 'Murica that's cool and all, but there is such a thing as Betsy Ross-influenced overboard. Don't make us revert to grade school and have to say the pledge of allegiance whenever you walk by. And if you're planning on rocking said gear as some #ironic #statement, just don't, because #NoOneCares.

Use this anti-influencer as a visual guide to keep you off the wrong path.

So much fail going on here...

Like, no matter how sweltering hot it is, you shouldn't be carrying a parasol for shade unless you're Japanese woman in the year 1886. Now onto the struggle yacht cap, which barely warrants a mention because there's also a random pink belt that's holding up absolutely nothing. Basically anything this guy's doing, do the exact opposite.

Don't wear Native American headdresses.

These are simply an offensive misappropriation of a cultural entity that's just going to make you look like a jackass. Also, don't pull your tank top down to expose a nip.

Actually, just limit all headgear to snapbacks, buckets, and bush hats.

Unless you lost a bet or are trying to do your best Johnny Drama (which, why?), you're wearing a metaphorical kick me sign if you come out on some bullshit like this. But you will need major protection from the sun, so buckets and bush hats are ideal.

No animal ears or furry costumes.

This is Coachella, not Ultra. Get your music festival attire straight, b. (The fact that that was even said. SMH...)

Lame slogan tees are, uh, lame.

We've said it before, and we'll say it again since you guys just aren't getting it. This isn't funny, and definitely isn't clever. What are you trying to do, exactly? Just advertise that you like drugs? Everyone already knows that from your shitty dancing.

All-black-everything is prrrrrrobably not a strong look.

You know, because you're in the middle of the fuckin' desert. All day long. For three days straight. A merked-out look means you will literally cook.

Keep your clothes on.

Speaking of that Cali heat, yes, it gets very real and toasty but no one wants to see this. Even if you have seen an inside of the gym once or twice this decade unlike your boy above, keep some modicum of clothes on before the whole weekend just becomes an unsightly nude beach.

Don't even go.

Be honest, wold you rather be hot and sweaty in an open field with equally sweaty dudes flailing around and swarming you while the next dead-artist hologram is trotted out, with so many opportunities for things to go wrong? Or would you rather flourish in an extremely cozy and peaceful environment like the homie pictured above? No-brainer, really.