Image via Complex Original
1.
It's a known fact that dogs are the Air Yeezys of the animal kingdom. Dogs are loyal, cute and because they're dependent upon you for food, water and shelter, they literally have to love you. It's like having a mandatory best friend, if that best friend couldn't talk and sometimes shit on the floor.
My girlfriend and I have a dog and it's probably the third greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Her name is Nora. She is a small, black Pomeranian-Shetland mix and she is so adorable that pictures of her have basically taken over my Instagram. People say that getting a dog with your significant other is like preparation for having a kid with them, but that's bullshit. Getting a dog is preparation for continuing to have a dog. All you have to do is feed them, take them out and maybe train them to sit and stay or whatever, and then you have a little friend who will never grow up to be a surly, resentful teen like an IRL baby would.
Part of adopting or buying a dog with a significant other, however, is that you will probably end up buying some clothes for it. And look, I know, trust me, it feels ridiculous to put clothes on your dog for the first time and it certainly looks ridiculous when other people put clothes on their dogs, but there's something about your own dog wearing clothes that is better than smoking pot on the moon.
So, without further adieu, I present to you a guide for the stuff you're gonna want to buy your dog to swag them the fuck out.
Use your paws to follow Drew Millard on Twitter here.
2.doglead
3.doge glasses
Besides training your dog to speak, there's no better way to help your dog say "I'm cool" than by putting sunglasses on them. The problem with human sunglasses is they're too big for most dogs, which is why Dog God went ahead and designed doggles.
4.matching tanks
Truss me, daddi. There is absolutely no part about wearing matching "bad ass" tank tops with your dog that isn't absolutely cool and good.
5.dog kicks
Moving on to the footwear department, you're going to want to cop your dog these chill as fuck shoes. They look like these shoes, kind of. Anyways, if you're not rolling to Urth Cafe with your furry friend in full Dog Game Richie Tenenbaum mode, do you even own a dog? No because your dog was just seized by Animal Fashion Control.
6.dog soulja boy
These dog jeans look exactly like something Soulja Boy would wear. It's well-established that Soulja Boy is a seer. He predicts trends. He sets trends. He is trends. If you get your dog these Soulja Boy jeans, you'll win. If you don't, you lose. And if you lose, you die.
7.dog bucket
Ignore questions such as, "How does that stay on the dog?", "Why would a dog need a bucket hat?" and "Are those sunglasses real?" Instead, just focus how how fucking chill you and your dog will both look on the beach wearing bucket hats.
8.dog yankees gear
Dog New York Yankees Jacket
Bonus points if your dog rocks this at the same time you're wearing the Supreme x Yankees collab. Triple multiplier if you lifehack your dog's jacket into being Supreme by slapping a Supreme sticker on it a la Four Pins EIC Lawrence in this video.
9.dog dynasty
Dog Dynasty
Dawg, why wouldn't you want your dog to wear some Duck Dynasty branded apparel, dawg?
10.dogron
Dog'ron
Ignore the fact that it's kind of fucked up to have your dog wear a fake animal fur jacket and focus on the fact that you can make your dog look like Cam'ron by giving them this pink fur.
12.dog visor
Dog Hat by VFiles
Again, ignore any pressing questions about why a dog would ever want to wear a hat. This looks like something they'd sell at VFiles, which is important because VFiles has proven that when it comes to fashion (for both dogs and humans), the more impractical, the better.
13.dog studded jacket
Dog $366 Studded Jean Jacket
There is expensive, then there's obviously expensive, then there's so expensive that it’s impractical and then there's $366 studded jean jackets for your dog. The problem with buying something this expensive for your dog is that when you're wearing expensive clothes, you can control yourself from rolling around on the ground because you've got on an expensive alphet you don’t want to sully. If you're a dog, not so much.