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Intro
Although it hasn't even been two weeks since the season started, and most teams have only played five or six games, the NBA opened up its All-Star ballots yesterday. If you were staring at the email invite with a puzzled "what the hell?" face, you weren't alone. It is absolutely insane to think that people can already start voting (which you can do here) on who should make the team, but with the shortened season, it is something the league had to do to give the appropriate period of voting time. Let's be real, though. Yao Ming has proven that people don't vote All-Stars based purely on performance and stats.
Instead of complaining about the whole situation, we decided to have some fun by highlighting some extremely unexpected names (what up, Spencer Hawes and J.J. Redick!) for our All-Star squad and handing out some equally ridiculous awards. Here are The Totally Premature, Way Too Early Complex NBA All-Star Team and Awards.
East Center
East Center
Spencer Hawes, Philadelphia 76ers
Statistics: 13.0 PPG, 11.4 RPG, 3.6 APG, 2.2 BPG
We in here talkin' 'bout Spencer. I mean, listen, we talkin' 'bout Spencer. Not Dwight, not Chandler. We talkin' 'bout Specer. Not McGee... I mean, how silly is that when we talkin' 'bout Spencer? Actually, it's really not that silly. Hawes has been on an absolute tear to start the season with three double-doubles and falling one assist shy of a triple-double. His defense has also been ferocious with 11 blocks and five steals. We officially declare Spencer Hawes NOT A BUST.
West Center
West Center
Marc Gasol, Memphis Grizzlies
Statistics: 14.2 PPG, 10.2 RPG, 2.0 BPG
Memphis did right by paying their big, burly center. He's definitely earning that 10 million, even more so with Z-Bo out for the next two months. With Bynum missing the first four games due to suspension, Marc has a head start and is playing like the best center not named Spencer Hawes (ha!). Everyone chuckled at the Pau Gasol trade, but it's looking like the Grizzlies made the better move. Sure the Lakers won some chips with his big bro, but Memphis has a brighter future.
East Power Forward
East Power Forward
Ryan Anderson, Orlando Magic
Statistics: 19.7 PPG, 7.4 RPG, 3.6 3ppg, 48 FG%
Look at Ryan Anderson's name. Now, look at the All-Star ballot. Now, look at his stats. Now, back to the ballot. Notice anything? Maybe the fact that his name isn't even listed? If the NBA is forced to release these names ridiculously early, it's only right that somebody who has been stellar to start the season at least gets a chance. It's not like this is an extremely rare showing from Anderson, either. He averaged 15 and 7 in his first full month on the court last year and 12 and 7 in the final month of the season. So, that's why we're here to give the man the shine he deserves. Congrats, Ryan, you just beat out LeBron James. How you?
West Power Forward
West Power Forward
Paul Millsap, Utah Jazz
Statistics: 12 PPG, 9.2 RPG
The only accolade Millsap really has during his career is making the All-Rookie Second Team back in 2007. As honors in the NBA goes, that's not saying much at all. However, this year that could all change as he's leading Western power forwards in boards per game and second only to Dirk in points per game.
East Small Foward
East Small Foward
Luol Deng, Chicago Bulls
Statistics: 15.4 PPG, 7.3 RPG
Let's get one thing straight: The Chicago Bulls wouldn't be nearly as good without Luol Deng. Though he's dealt with some injuries in the past, he is always a sure source of scoring, a great defender, and has a history of producing in the clutch. This nomination actually isn't a joke; he deserves a spot.
West Small Foward
West Small Foward
Danilo Gallinari, Denver Nuggets
Statistics: 14 PPG, 5.6 RPG, 2.3 APG
We know the most shine this guy has received this year is for that lay-up fail against the Lakers last weekend. But on the low, Danilo is putting up some pretty nice numbers for Denver. The only small forward out west putting up more points per game is KD and the fact that the Nuggets hold the same record as OKC (5-2) with far less talent makes Gallinari worthy of this All-Star spot. It's all about doing more with less, fam. Just work on those lay-up drills a bit more.
East Shooting Guard
East Shooting Guard
J.J. Redick, Orlando Magic
Statistics: 13.9 PPG, 2.4 APG, 2.1 RPG
The only shooting guards out East currently with a 50 percent or higher field goal percentage are Ray Allen and this dude. The difference though? J.J. and the Magic are ahead of the Celtics in the Eastern Conference standings (yeah, it's by a game, but who cares!). We've hated on paler Duke players plenty in the past, but J.J. deserves some props this season.
West Shooting Guard
West Shooting Guard
James Harden, Oklahoma City Thunder
Statistics: 17.0 PPG, 5.9 RPG, 4.1 APG
Harden has that old man game. He plays like those married dudes at your local rec league that take the game way too seriously. You know, the dude with the mechanical knee brace and the wicked spot up jumper. Harden is the glue that keeps the Thunder together. He is as important to OKC's hot start this season as Durant and Westbrook. Show him some respect! No blood, no foul, Young Blood.
East Point Guard
East Point Guard
Kyrie Irving, Cleveland Cavaliers
Statistics: 14.6 PPG, 3.8 APG, 5.6 RPG
Newark in the house! Kyrie balls like cats stole his Civic. He's leading the hapless Cavs to a .500 record. Crazy, right? LeBron who? OK, we're getting ahead of ourselves, but Cleveland made the right move drafting this kid No. 1. Yes, he jocks at times and makes rookie mistakes, but who is he supposed to pass it to? Samardo Samuels?
West Point Guard
West Point Guard
Selection: Jarrett Jack, New Orleans Hornets
Statistics: 17.0 PPG, 8.6 APG, 3.8 RPG
Without even looking at his stats, we already know that Jack has proven himself as a first-team badass. Now that he's on a team other than the Raptors, has some talent around him, and that pesky Chris Paul is out of the way, it's his time to shine. Jack knows the type of damage Emeka Okafor can do, so we're sure he'll be using the former Huskies center quite a bit.
Coach of the Year
Coach of the Year
Nate McMillan, Portland Trailblazers
Statistics: Portland Trail Blazers 4-1; Tied for Western Conference lead
Pre-season favorites to win the West included KD and Oklahoma City or Kobe and the Lake Show. Hell, maybe even the revamped Clippers. But no one saw the Portland Trail Blazers (especially after losing Brandon Roy for good) taking the crown. Raymond Felton, LaMarcus Aldridge, Marcus Camby, Gerald Wallace, and Wesley Matthews isn't exactly a stellar starting five on paper. But that's why they play the game. Nate McMillan has these guys buying into his program, and it's working. At this rate, they're on schedule to win about 52 of their 66 games this season.
Bust of the Year
Bust of the Year
Lamar Odom, Dallas Mavericks
Statistics: 6.7 PPG, 4.3 RPG, 1 APG
Things have been anything but sweet for the Candy Man this season. There was the whole drama of the CP3 trade that never went down then his trade demand, which ultimately landed him in Texas. His stats have been more big b (as in bust) than Big D though. The 2011 Sixth Man of the Year has seen his points per game drop to below half of what it was last year (14.4) and he's having career lows in rebounds and assists. We still say Khloe had something to do with the him ending up in Dallas. The girl holds weight. Literally and figuratively, fam.
Defensive Player of the Year
Defensive Player of the Year
Greg Stiemsma, Boston Celtics
Statistics: 4.4 RPG, 2.7 BLKPG
OK, so those may not look like monster stats but guess who's currently fourth in the league in blocks per game ring now, son?! Dwight Howard and DeAndre Jordan better watch out, because this young'n is on their heels. He already won the Defensive Player of the Year award in the D-League last season and is looking to takeover the league this year. Dare we say he has a future spot on this list this list? OK, OK, we're getting a little ahead of ourselves.
Comeback Player of the Year
Comeback Player of the Year
Tracy McGrady, Atlanta Hawks
Statistics: 10.0 PPG, 4.5 RPG, 1.5 APG,
T-Mac is going to go down in history with the likes of Grant Hill and Penny Hardaway; a Hall-of-Fame career derailed by injuries. Tracy has helped fill the void left by Jamal Crawford and has helped the Hawks to a 4-2 start. He's not the T-Mac of old, but 65% of Tracy McGrady is better than 100% of a lot of cats in the league. T-Mac back! T-Mac back! Got all these bitches screaming that T-Mac back!
6th Man of the Year
6th Man of the Year
Norris Cole, Miami Heat
Statistics: 11.7 PPG 1.7 RPG 3.2 APG
The rookie made his presence felt by dropping 14 fourth quarter points vs. the Celtics during the second game of the season. Folks were confused as to why the Miami Heat used their first-round pick on a point guard from Cleveland St. Now we know. He's averaging 11 points and three dimes while stealing minutes from Mario Chalmers and has shown a confidence not normal for a first year player. Especially, playing alongside the Big Three. We think they found their Ringo.
Rookie of the Year
Rookie of the Year
Ricky Rubio, Minnesota Timberwolves
Statistics: 8.8 PPG, 3.8 RPG, 6.4 APG
A lot of folks didn't feed into the Ricky Rubio hype machine when he was a skinny teenager leading men in Olympic competition. They said he had to get his weight up and that he couldn't shoot. They're all eating those words. The bottom line is, Rubio makes guys better. Exhibit A: Ricky came into the game against Dallas on Jan. 1 with two minutes to go in the third quarter with the Wolves up one. Minnesota outscored Dallas 32-16 the rest of the way. Messy locks, Wolverine-esue beard and all, the fact is the kid can play.
MVP
Most Valuable Player
Kobe Bryant, L.A. Lakers
Statistics: 25.9 PPG, 6.0 APG, 6.3 RPG, 1.1 STPG
It amazes us how people can legitimately say that Kobe is losing a step. Last year's stats were right on par with his career line, and this year, his assists and rebounds are up (The first five games are obviously telling of what the season will be like). Plus, everybody would just be hootin' and hollerin' if he were dropping 40 a game, which he could. Don't expect his recent blunder with his wife to screw anything up, either. He's not only a seasoned 15-year NBA vet, but he's also been through wifey problems before. He knows how to handle that. If anything, this will just free him up for better play. Ready for the final kicker? In the biggest in-season moves ever, the Lakers will somehow scrounge up a deal for Dwight Howard, and Shaq will come out of retirement to create literally the biggest three ever. Boom, roasted, LeBron and Derrick.