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The voice of the Internet, The Kid Mero, will be offering his opinions on everything from basketball to backshots, big tobacco to side-eye etiquette on Complex.com, twice weekly. Mero speaks for himself, his views do not necessarily reflect those of Complex.com, Macy's, Macy Gray, Spalding Gray (R.I.P.), or the New York Times. You've been warned.
YO THE KNICKS GOT MUTILATED YESTERDAY AT THE GARDEN B. NOT ONLY DID THEY LOSE BY AN EXPONENT THEY LOST TO THE FUCKIN CELTICS B. THAT SHIT IS WILD IRRITATING BECAUSE THE CELTICS ARE STRAIGHT TRASH AND BEING FROM BOSTON ARE THE NATURAL ENEMY OF THE KNICKS. ALSO YO LOOK HOW WASHED KEVIN GARNETT IS AHHAHA YOU WASHED YOU CLOWN!!! HE NEED THOSE ULTRA NOISE CANCELING HEADPHONES HES ROCKIN IN THE COMMERCIAL TO BLOCK OUT HIS KNEES SCREAMING AT HIM. THAT MUTHAFUCKA LOOKS LIKE TOLLUND MAN. I KNOW THAT GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CELTICS REALLY BUT FUCK KG. GET HIM THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.
KNICKS NEED HELP THOUGH. I HAVE THE ANSWERS SWAY. EVEN KANYE CAN'T FRONT ON THE KNOWLEDGEGOD.
Related: The Biggest Fails in New York Knicks History
MELO GOTTA TRY TO GET AT LEAST 5 ASSISTS A GAME.
MELO GOTTA PASS THE BALL B. THERE'S INSTANCES WHERE FELTON WILL GIVE THE BALL UP TO MELO AT HALFCOURT AND MELO WILL DRIBBLE TO THE 3PT LINE AND PULL RIGHT THE FUCK UP AND SHOOT A 3 WITH 22 SECONDS LEFT ON THE SHOT CLOCK, SHIT CAREENS OFF THE BACK OF THE RIM, DEFENSIVE REBOUND FAST BREAK KNICKS DONT EVEN BOTHER TO GET BACK. I RIDE FOR MELO ALL DAY BUT YO LOOK AT THIS SHIT B.
YA MAN BARGS IS AN EXCELLENT SHOOTER AND IS OPEN LIKE BUTTCHEEKS ON GIRLS WHO BE FREAKS! WHEN JR SMITH IS TELLIN YOU TO PASS THE BALL YOU GOT A FUCKIN PROBLEM. YOU GOTTA DO BETTER MELO, YOU AN MVP FAM GET THOSE ASSISTS UP.
TYSON CHANDLER TAKES PED'S.
I KNOW ITS ILLEGAL BUT IF TYSON CAME BACK MORE BROLIC AND QUICKER THE PAINT WOULD BE TOTALLY SECURE AND THE KNICKS WOULD WIN GAMES NAHMEAN BECAUSE GAMES ARE WON AND LOST IN THE PAINT TO BE VERY HONEST WITH YOU INTERNET. THIS EXTENDS TO THE WHOLE TEAM ACTUALLY. IF THEY TOOK PED'S KNICKS WOULD WIN A TITLE IMAGINE MELO PLAYING LEBRON LEVEL D? IMAGINE KENYON MARTIN WITH HOPS? IMAGINE RAY FELTON CRAB DRIBBLING A HONDA CIVIC? KNICKS WOULD BE UNSTOPPABLE! TAKE PED'S!
WOODSON TELLS JR TO F***ING CHILL.
IF WOODSON TOLD JR TO CHILL THE FUCK OUT WHEN HE STARTS CHUCKIN KNICKS MIGHT COULD WIN GAMES. TIM HARDAWAY JR LOOKIN VERY POISED OUT THERE FOR A ROOKIE B. WHEN JR STARTS SHOOTIN FADEAWAY STEP BACK FINGER ROLLS FROM 3 AFTER DRIBBLING FOR 20 SECONDS YOU GOTTA TELL HIM TO CHILL AND MAYBE GIVE TIM SOME OF THOSE MINUTES.
NO KNICKS ALLOWED IN NYC AREA CLUBS THE NIGHT BEFORE A GAME.
DOG YOU CAN'T TELL ME YOU ARE 100% TO PLAY FULL COURT BASKETBALL AGAINST THE BEST BASKETBALL PLAYERS IN THE COUNTRY, FOR 2 HOURS AFTER YOU WERE IN THE BACK ROOMS AT SUE'S RENDEZVOUS GETTIN TOPPED OFF AFTER BLOWIN A QUARTER UP YOUR NASAL AND DRINKING A CASE OF CHAMPAGNE. THEN YOU TOOK THE STRIPPER HOME AND 69'D WITH THE BITCH FOR 4 HOURS SLEPT ONE HOUR AND TODAY YOU HAVE TO TRY TO DUNK ON ROY HIBBERT? HOW IS THAT GONNA HAPPEN? STAY OUT THE CLUBS ON GAME DAYS.
LET ME COACH THE KNICKS.
I WOULD COACH THE SHIT OUT THE KNICKS DOG I WOULD HAVE MELO PLAYING DEFENSE AND AVERAGING 10 ASSISTS A GAME. ME AND JR SMITH WOULD SLAPBOX BUT THERE WOULD ALWAYS BE A MUTUAL RESPECT. I WOULD HAVE HARDAWAY RUN THE POINT ALL GAME TRIAL BY FIRE. WHATS THE WORSE THAT COULD HAPPEN WE KEEP LOSING? IRONICALLY KNICKS DON'T HAVE A FIRST ROUNDER IN THE DRAFT COMIN UP WHICH IS FUCKIN LOADED SO OF COURSE THE KNICKS SUCK BUT GOT NO PICKS DUH IT'S THE KNICKS. OWNED BY JAMES LOL-AN.
I JUST BODIED THIS LISTICLE DOGGIE HOLLA AT YA MUTHAFUCKIN BOY. I KNOOOOW YOU SEE IT..