Image via Complex Original
If the average NBA fan were to own a team, they’d probably act a lot like Mark Cuban. From his epic rants against officials to ripping Skip Bayless, Cuban seems like he has more in common with the guy in the upper deck with a hot dog and $12 Bud Light than with the rest of the buttoned up NBA owners. But while his mouth may be a big part of his allure, it’s gotten him into trouble as well.
Cuban has paid $1.9 million dollars in fines to the NBA, he recently put himself at the center of scandal when he protested the ouster of Donald Sterling, and he spoke out about his own bigotry in a series of interviews earlier this year.
When he’s not running his mouth, Cuban loves showing off his hands and feet. He’s appeared on Dancing With The Stars and has fought everybody from NBA referees to actual NBA players (see: the infamous Chalupa Incident). He also writes plenty of checks as a billionaire entrepreneur. So given his criticism of officials, power moves, and controversial comments, we ask you: Is Mark Cuban a King or King Douche?
King: The Chalupa Incident
When: 2/17/2001
Somehow there hasn’t been a 30 for 30 about quite possibly the greatest moment in the history of the NBA. Dallas had a huge lead over Cleveland late in a February 2001 game and they purposefully ran up the score to cross the 100-point barrier and give their fans 99-cent Chalupas as part of a genius promotion. Cleveland was pretty pissed that Dallas called a timeout with ten seconds left to set up a final offensive set, so after Gary Trent knocked down a jumper to give the Mavs 100 points, a giant brawl erupted. Cuban dashed onto the court to help his players during the middle of the Taco Bell-fueled riot, and got fined $10,000 dollars. He could have bought 10,101 Chalupas with that cash, but you can’t put a price on making sure your fans go home with coupons for cheap pseudo-Mexican. How can you not love the NBA?
King Douche: Getting a $250,00 Fine for Staring Down David Stern During the 2006 Finals
When: 6/20/2006
Mark Cuban tried his best Tony Soprano impersonation during the 2006 NBA Finals. In what was the officiating low point for the NBA (here’s a ten minute video of the Heat getting every call during that Finals Cuban went crazy after a phantom call on Dirk Nowitzki gave Miami a two-point lead with 1.9 seconds left in Game 5. He stared down David Stern with pure hate in his eyes, and allegedly cursed out Stern and screamed at him “your league is rigged!” He caught a $250,000 fine for that one, but he got his revenge when Dallas beat Miami in the Finals in 2011.
King: “I Wouldn't Hire Ed Rush to Manage a Dairy Queen.”
When: 1/8/2002
You’ve got to love how Mark Cuban gets so creative with his amazing takedowns of incompetent NBA officials. Ed Rush was the director of officiating at a time when WWE matches had more integrity than NBA games, and Cuban tore into him after a Steve Nash foul with 5.1 seconds left in what was then a tie game gave San Antonio a 105-103 win. Cuban finished his rant by saying “David Stern is not the most powerful man in the game, it’s Ed Rush.” But Cuban discovered the power of Stern when he was fined $500,000 for his comments, enough to buy 100,000 DQ Blizzards. Cuban then spent a day managing a Texas Dairy Queen, where he gave out soft serve for two hours. Ed Rush probably would have spent that time giving technical fouls to anybody who tried to change their order.
King Douche: Flaming Out on Dancing With the Stars
When: 2007
As a billionaire entrepreneur who owns an NBA team, there’s not a lot that Mark Cuban is bad at. Yet he showed the world that his dancing skills are just about exactly what you would expect of a middle aged white guy. During his short stint on Dancing With The Stars Cuban notably tried this terrifying mamba, set to a putrid rendition of Nelly’s Rid Wit Me. Seriously, this band just butchers this song. Once the song mercifully ends the first thing the judge says is “it certainly made me laugh,” so it’s not a surprise Cuban’s stint on this show was short. At least we have this priceless GIF from this dance.
King: Wrote a Blog Post Titled “How to Improve NBA Playoff Officiating”
When: 5/10/2006
In one of the costliest blog posts ever written, Cuban received a $100,000 fine for his unbelievably logical dressing-down of NBA officials and David Stern. But this blog wasn’t what you think it would be. It was more college thesis paper and less “THE NBA IS RIGGED AGAINST THE MAVS”-style rant. Cuban dished some piping hot takes including, “Would the officiating improve if the top 12 officials worked the games instead of the top 33 or so? There is absolutely no question about it.” Also: “The NBA has a huge problem. It doesn't view the playoffs as a place where the very best of the best of officials go to work.” Perhaps David Stern should have listened, as disgraced ref Tim Donaghy was arrested three months after this was written.
King Douche: Suing Don Nelson Because He was Mad the Mavs Lost to the Warriors
When: 6/29/2007
Cuban doesn’t strike anybody as a guy who takes defeat well, but he took being a sore loser to a whole different level after suing then-Warriors coach Don Nelson in 2007. After Golden State shockingly trashed the top-seeded Mavericks in the playoffs, Cuban sued Nelson, a former coach for Dallas. He alleged that Nelson had confidential information about Dallas, and tried to prevent him from coaching against Dallas in the future. It didn’t work (shocker) and Cuban had to pay Nelson $6.3 million as part of a suit over Nelson’s compensation package.
King: Attacking a Ref as an April Fools Prank
When: 4/1/2010
You’ve got to love a guy who can laugh at himself. Cuban attacked a fake ref during a timeout at a Mavericks game on April Fools Day in 2003. While everybody got a kick out of the stunt, Mavericks assistant Del Harris was not in on the joke, as it looks like he nearly had a heart attack trying to break up the fight. Cuban didn’t even get fined for his attack on the fake ref, though David Stern probably tried.
King Douche: Pulling a Barkley and Bashing San Antonio
When: 2/26/2009
It’s not as bad as calling the women fat, but Cuban had plenty to say about San Antonio’s most famous attraction. He called San Antonio’s most famous attraction a “muddy ugly-ass River Walk” back in 2009. Though people may still get arrested at the River Walk, it’s most well known as the site of the San Antonio Spurs’ four championship parades. The River Walk sure looks good here.
King: Peeing With the Larry O'Brien Trophy
When: 6/14/2011
Either Cuban was really drunk on Ace of Spades, or he didn’t want anybody else to touch the trophy. Regardless, taking the Larry O’Brien trophy with you to the bathroom is a definite boss move.
King: Not Caring About Pictures of His College Years Being Released
When: 7/7/2011
Though Facebook and Twitter didn’t exist in the 1970’s, pictures still emerged of Mark Cuban getting rowdy during his college years at Indiana. As a member of the rugby team, Cuban went really hard, and the pictures prove it. But Cuban didn’t care about the release of pictures of him hooking up with various girls, blacking out, and hazing the shit out of rugby pledges. Instead he narrated the pictures for Deadspin and proved that Mark Cuban has been living the dream for his entire life (except for that time he had to do the elephant walk, it had to have happened at some point).
King: Hitting the Club After Dallas' Title
When: 6/14/2011
Mark Cuban and the Mavericks went absolutely crazy once they clinched the 2011 NBA title. While Cuban was unable to put all of Miami on his Black Card, he did buy out Miami’s biggest club, LIV. He then ordered a human-sized bottle of champagne, partied with rappers, and set the standard for post-championship ragers.
King: Destroying Skip Bayless on First Take
When: 6/22/2012
He’s no Richard Sherman(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6x-O3kb1sI), but Cuban obliterated Skip Bayless during an appearance on the show in 2011. After delicately teaching Skip that basketball is played with five players on each team and not just LeBron, Cuban got personal, saying “this is a Skip Bayless special: LeBron lost last year because he was paying attention to Skip Bayless. LeBron won this year because he wasn’t paying attention to Skip Bayless.”
King Douche: Trying, and Failing, to Take Out His Anger By Attacking A Gatorade Jug
When: 5/30/2014
In his blind rage Cuban just had to throw something, but his attack on the Gatorade jug left a lot to be desired.
King: Owning the 48th Largest Yacht in the World
When: 2012
It’s not a surprise that it’s good to be the billionaire owner of an NBA team, but who knew a guy who spends his time in a landlocked city like Dallas had a need for a 288-foot long yacht? Cuban made a boss move when he bought Fountainhead, the 48th largest yacht in the world, in 2011. The floating palace docks in Miami, only a couple of miles from American Airlines Arena. He can probably yacht over to the arena next year to watch Dallas take on the Lebron-less Heat. There should be plenty of room to park it now.
King: Slamming the Government After Winning an Insider Trading Case
When: 10/16/2013
After being cleared on insider trading charges, Cuban popped off on the Feds, especially lead prosecutor Jan Folena. According to Cuban, “Jan Folena, who represents the United States of America, stood up there and lied.” This came after Cuban refused to take a settlement, even though he spent more money on his lawyers than the highest possible fine for copping to insider trading. Doing all that just to win? Badass.
King Douche: Saying He Would Cross the Street if He Saw a Black Kid in a Hoodie
When: 5/21/2014
Cuban’s mouth has gotten him into trouble before, but he dug himself into a huge hole when talking about prejudice in an interview with Inc. Magazine. After some nuanced comments about race such as “In this day and age, this country has really come a long way putting any type of bigotry behind us, regardless of who it's toward,” Cuban had this to say about African American kids: “I mean, we're all prejudiced in one way or another. If I see a black kid in a hoodie and it's late at night, I'm walking to the other side of the street. And if on that side of the street there's a guy that has tattoos all over his face — white guy, bald head, tattoos everywhere — I'm walking back to the other side of the street.”
Cuban subsequently apologized to the family of Trayvon Martin after he came under a barrage of criticism for the remarks.
King: Speaking Out for Obamacare
When: 9/6/2013
Though Dallas may be deep in the heart of Texas, the reddest state of them all, Cuban has supported President Obama’s key piece of legislation several times. He’s given multiple interviews praising the act, including the above interview where said his approach to health care as an employer was “If someone’s life gets fucked…I’m gonna help them.” What a guy.
King: Getting Fined by David Stern One Last Time Before He Retired
When: 1/18/2014
Cuban was fined a ridiculous 20 times during David Stern’s tenure as NBA Commissioner, but he gladly took his final fine. After saying for months that he couldn’t wait to get one last fine from Stern, Cuban walked onto the court and flipped out at officials following the Mavericks’ 129-127 loss to the Clippers in January. After cursing out the officials Cuban took to Twitter to tell the world that $100,000 wasn’t going to set him back. He tweeted “I couldn't let the commish go without a proper farewell. Its been a fun 14 years of trying to create change and donating to the donut fund!”
King Douche: Not Being in Favor of Ousting Donald Sterling
When: 5/29/2014
Cuban was practically the only person on Earth (besides Donald Sterling) to not be in favor of ousting Donald Sterling from his position as the Clippers’ owner, following the release of audio from one of his racist rants. After criticizing Sterling, Cuban used the slippery slope argument to justify not kicking Donald out of the league. "I think you’ve got to be very, very careful when you start making blanket statements about what people say and think, as opposed to what they do,” he said. “It’s a very, very slippery slope.” Adam Silver didn’t listen to Cuban, proving that the new commissioner may actually have a lot in common with David Stern.
King: Signing Chandler Parsons' Contract in a Dallas Club
When: 6/10/2014
Nightclubs aren’t exactly places where prudent financial decisions get made, but Chandler Parsons made a good one when he signed a three-year, $46 million contract with Dallas while partying with Mark Cuban.