Image via Complex Original
The race to sign free agent forward Kevin Durant officially begins on Friday, July 1, and word is that Durant has agreed to take pitches from just six teams—the Miami Heat, the Golden State Warriors, the San Antonio Spurs, the Boston Celtics, the Los Angeles Clippers and, of course, the Oklahoma City Thunder. The smart money is on him staying in OKC and doing this whole thing over again next summer. But if you’re one of the lucky five other teams, you have to try, right?
Because even if Durant re-ups with OKC on a one-and-one (teaming him back with Russell Westbrook for one more go and upping considerably what his max deal would be for the ‘17-18 season), it seems safe to say that he will consider the same teams next summer. He wants the best chance to win, and the best chance to win will come with a stable franchise with a system in place. If he’s going to leave the only franchise he’s ever played for, it won’t be to rebuild someone else’s.
We don’t know yet what format these meetings will take, but let’s imagine for a moment: Durant, at a table with the team’s representative(s), just listening, each team taking their best shot. What would each of them say? Here are our best guesses for all six—as well as three desperate suitors who apparently didn’t make the cut.
Pat Riley, Miami Heat
“Championships. That’s what you want to hear, right? Championships. Plural. I’ve won ‘em every which way. Ask Magic, ask D. Wade, ask Shaq. Seriously, you want to ask them? [Pulls out phone.] No? OK, never mind. You can ask them later. For now, just look at the rings. [Holds out other hand.] You can touch them if you want. Rings. They’re all that matter.
“I’m a team builder now, KD. I brought LeBron here, I brought Chris Bosh here, and I told them pretty much the same things I’m telling you. I showed them my rings and helped get them rings of their own.
“But if that doesn’t convince you, maybe this will. Not sure whether you’ve heard this story, but during one of the championship runs in Miami I stuck my head in a bucket of ice water for a minute just to motivate the guys. I can do that for you, even with this hair. Want me to? Sure you do. [Lifts bucket onto table.] This is easy. Just watch.”
[Gurgling sounds.]
Steve Kerr, Golden State Warriors
“I’m not gonna lie to you, Kevin—I almost didn’t bother trying to get this meeting. Why would you, Kevin Durant, want to come play with us? We’ve got the two-time reigning MVP, we’ve got Klay Thompson. We can score with anyone already. What are the chances you leave somewhere where you’re the No. 1—well, usually—option to become, like, 1c? But then I remember that we’ve been in some tough spots and come through before. Like when you guys had us down 3-1. Bet you thought you guys were gonna win, right? Me too.
“Look, obviously we’re not going to take shots away from Steph and Klay just to give them to you. We’re going to make sure you get looks, of course—more than Harrison did, anyway—but this is about something larger. Why can’t we average 150 points, or win 75 games? Like, people think we broke the NBA LAST year? We were just getting started.
“Sure you can stay in Oklahoma, and maybe you’ll even beat us next year. It’s possible. But if you join us, I promise you, we’ll beat everyone. We’ll break all the records we set last year. Two Splash Brothers are pretty cool, but you know what’s really cool? Three Splash Brothers."
Gregg Popovich, San Antonio Spurs
POP: “Kevin, I’ll be straight with you. We think you can play for us. Maybe even start. Your defense is gonna need some work, but there’s potential there. We see San Antonio as a good spot for you. There’s a lot of work, but it pays off. Just ask Timmy.”
DUNCAN: [Nods.]
POP: “There’s no special treatment for stars. Well, there is, but it’s not good treatment or anything. [Laughs.] I’m going to yell at you. A lot. That’s how it was with Timmy, and it worked. Worked great, right Tim?”
DUNCAN: [Stares.]
POP: “So come play in San Antonio. We’re not asking you to take a pay cut—not yet, anyway. We’ve still got Tony and Manu, and Kawhi can guard pretty much anyone. As you know. And if you liked Oklahoma City, you oughta love San Antonio. Oh yeah, veterans report tomorrow.”
Danny Ainge, Boston Celtics
“Kevin, we’ve been waiting for you. This has all been for you. Ever since I traded away Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce, you’ve been the next one. That’s what it’s always about with the Boston Celtics—the next one. We have a ceiling full of banners, tons of retired numbers—er, how do you feel about wearing, say, 36?—and a legacy like no other. We also have, like, all of the Nets draft picks.
“You want to build something new? Great. You want to be part of a historic tradition? Great. Find you a franchise where you can do both. That’s the Boston Celtics, Kevin. We’re already a generation removed from the last championship team. No one’s left. This is your chance to put your stamp on the franchise, hang your own banners.
“You’re an immortal already, I know that, but there’s something different about Boston immortality. They named the Finals MVP for Bill Russell, you know. There are like, 200 Celtics in the Hall of Fame. Plus we’ve had pretty good luck with forwards named Kevin. So what do you say?”
Doc Rivers, Los Angeles Clippers
“So we were just planning on coming over your house and locking you in until July 8th, but you wouldn’t tell us where you live. Smart. I’m kidding, Kevin. We don’t need to do that to convince you to play for the Clippers, right? You’ve played with Chris Paul, you know what that’s like. Imagine playing for the All-Star team, or Team USA, only you get to do it every day. Blake Griffin’s from Oklahoma, as you know, and hell, we’ll trade him back there if you want us to.
“You know about our training center, right? Over 40,000 square feet, less than 10 years old. We may not have our own arena, but we do have that. We can send you a DVD—what’s your address? No? Sorry, had to try. As for rings—and I know that bastard Riley probably brought all of his, didn’t he—you can help us win our first. You and Chris, two guys who played seasons in Oklahoma, bringing the first post-Kobe title to Los Angeles. I’ve already got one, of course. Won it when a big man who lies about his height came and teamed up with a fan favorite who’d never won. Sound familiar?
“Seriously though, where do you live?”
Russell Westbrook, Oklahoma City Thunder
“You don’t really want to have to play against me, do you?”
Washington Wizards, New York Knicks, & Los Angeles Lakers
Entire population of DMV, Washington Wizards
“Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please. ”
Phil Jackson, New York Knicks
“So Kevin, I brought a couple of things with me today. I’ve got these 11 rings, which I won while coaching the Bulls and Lakers. Nice, right? I also brought you a book—Eloise. I know it’s a kids book but she lives on the top of the Plaza hotel with her dog. Very New York. Oh, I brought you my last book, too.
“We think you’d be a great fit in the triangle, although the coach I just hired and the point guard I just traded for probably won’t be. No matter. I also need you to know that you’ll figure into my next book, so I’m going to need you to sign thi—Kevin? Where are you going?”
Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
[3 a.m. Durant is asleep. A sudden breeze blows through his window, a spotlight pierces the night. Durant leaps up and rushes to the window, where a black helicopter touches down, and just as quickly takes off. Where it touched down, Durant finds a note on Lakers letterhead.]
“KD—
“I know I’m not there anymore, but I would love to see you be the one to carry on the Lakers tradition. Jeanie doesn’t know I’m doing this, but I figured since we knew each other it was cool. The kids still have a lot to learn, I know, although I think they’d be fine with you there. Hell, they survived me.
“Just think about it, and please tell me you’re not gonna go to the damn Clippers.
“Mamba out.”