Image via Complex Original
Intro
Advertisements are coming to mainstream American sports sooner rather than later, but they are already a staple on soccer uniforms across the pond. Many of them are iconic: Arsenal's Fly Emirates. Barcelona's UNICEF (even though they recently sold out to Qatar). But just as many are horribly weird. This list features the latter. If we learned one thing, it's that sponsors got strange when the world economy crashed in 2009. Here are the 25 Most Bizarre Soccer Jersey Advertisements.
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Eintracht Braunschweig Jägermeister
Eintracht Braunschweig, Jägermeister
Lifespan: 1972
Reminds Us Of: A nasty hangover.
It's not actually that weird, but the German club was the first soccer team in the world to put a sponsor logo on its jersey. Fittingly, it was the deathly beverage.
Bolton 188Bet
Bolton, 188BET
Lifespan: 2009-2012
Reminds Us Of: That one time we lost our life savings in Vegas.
There's nothing wrong with being sponsored by gambling sites (Wigan was in 2010-2011) but it's ironic when the club gets relegated as Bolton was in 2012. Hopefully the sponsors weren't betting on their team.
CD Universidad Católica Cristal
CD Universidad Católica, Cristal
Lifespan: 2011-2012
Reminds Us Of: If Jay-Z owned a team in 2003.
Even if it's not in reference to the champagne of the same name, it's hard to get behind the idea that a team started at the Catholic University was sponsored by a brand called Cristal. Associations, you know?
Magic Jack
magicJack, magicJack
Lifespan: 2011
Reminds Us Of: Confusion reigns.
Dan Borislow saved WPS by buying the Washington Freedom. Then, he renamed them magicJack—after the company he founded—moved the squad to Florida, and the league fell apart anyway. At least they had some nice jersey adverts. Or not.
Cheltenham Town Mira Showers
Cheltenham Town, Mira Showers
Lifespan: 2008-2012
Reminds Us Of: An early red card.
On one hand, the League Two club (England's fourth division) was lucky to get a sponsor. On the other, you have to think the "hit the showers" jokes got old quick.
Kilmarnock FC Small World
Kilmarnock FC, Small World
Lifespan: 2007-2010
Reminds Us Of: That Disney ride.
Small World Media, "the only cable operator in Ayrshire," handed Kilmarnock (sadly, not called KFC for short) $150,000 per year to remind everyone just how tiny Scotland really is.
Hibernian Crabbie's
Hibernian, Crabbie's
Lifespan: 2011-2014
Reminds Us Of: The luck of the Irish.
Nothing says "go get 'em" to us like some alcoholic ginger beer or ginger wine.
Falkirk FC
Falkirk FC, Central Demolition
Lifespan: 2010-2011
Reminds Us Of: A company in The Simpsons.
Central Demolition Ltd. sounds like the wrong message for a team playing the beautiful game. At least it wasn't Central Demotion Ltd.
Liverpool Hitachi
Liverpool, Hitachi
Lifespan: 1979-1981
Reminds Us Of: The inevitable future.
Liverpool became the first English club to play in sponsored uniforms. If they only knew what was coming.
Middlesbrough Tailored for You
Middlesbrough, Tailored for You
Lifespan: 2010-2011
Reminds Us Of: Desperation.
Boro offered monthly sponsorship packages during the season. The president of the club pitched the idea as revolutionary. The rest of the world just assumed no one wanted to pay for an entire year.
West Bromwich Albion
West Bromwich Albion, Homeserve
Lifespan: 2009-2010
Reminds Us Of: Sheer desperation.
West Brom actually came up with the month-by-month idea first, offering deals in 2009-2010. The suitors: "Seven commercial companies, two charities and the England 2018 World Cup bid campaign." All appeared in 13 games.
Adidas Originals Death Star and Jedi
adidas Originals, Death Star and Jedi
Lifespan: 2010
Reminds Us Of: George Lucas' bad fashion sense.
We're cheating a bit, but how could we not include jerseys sponsored by the Rebel Alliance and the evil Empire? Skywalker or Darth Vader, who you got on the pitch?
Philadelphia Union Bimbo
Philadelphia Union, Bimbo
Lifespan: 2011-2015
Reminds Us Of: Clueless.
The bakery paid the Major League Soccer club $15 million over four years for the sponsorship. Great stuff for the fledgling team. Now if only the money didn't outrage their entire female support system.
Portsmouth Ty
Portsmouth, TY
Lifespan: 2002-2005
Reminds Us Of: The least intimidating, cutest sponsor ever.
Anytime you can get the makers of Beanie Babies to sponsor you, you gotta do it.
Newcastle Virgin Money
Newcastle, Virgin Money
Lifespan: 2012-2013
Reminds Us Of: Tim Tebow and Lolo Jones.
The famous English club wore these when they were away from home. Perhaps they wanted to let fans on the road know they were prepared to be deflowered.
Newcastle Northern Rock
Newcastle, Northern Rock
Lifespan: 2003-2012
Reminds Us Of: Not a rock.
Prior to Virgin Money, there was Northern Rock, which was purchased in 2012 by VM. There is nothing about that uniform that says sturdy to us.
Hull Bonus
Hull, Bonus
Lifespan: 1992-1993
Reminds Us Of: Confusion.
Ignore the tiger stripes (if you can). What is Bonus? The point of an advertisement is to sell something, correct? And to sell something, the potential consumer has to know what it is that they're supposed to buy.
Motherwell JAXX
Motherwell, JAXX
Lifespan: 2007-2010
Reminds Us Of: A Scrabble game gone wacky.
JAXX, a German online gambling firm, gave Motherwell around $500,000 to wear the block logo. The club should have asked for more.
Huddersfield Town Yorkshire Air Ambulance
Huddersfield Town, Yorkshire Air Ambulance
Lifespan: 2010-2011
Reminds Us Of: An accident waiting to happen.
The good news: If a player did get hurt, he could expect to reach the hospital in record time.
Roma Wind
Roma, Wind
Lifespan: 2007-2008
Reminds Us Of: Captain Planet.
Who is sponsored by an element?
Stockport County Disaster
Stockport County, Robinson's
Lifespan: 1993-1994
Reminds Us Of: Acid trips sans sponsors.
You can't even really tell what company sponsored the shirt, only that the product is "Best Bitter." Yeah, that's not a message anyone wants to send.
1860 Munich Liqui Moly
1860 Munich, Liqui Moly
Lifespan: 2009-2010
Reminds Us Of: Drinkable ecstasy.
The German lubricant manufacturer's named adorned 1860's baby blue jerseys. It's weird the relationship only lasted a single campaign.
Sheffield United VisitMalta.com
Sheffield United, VisitMalta.com
Lifespan: 2009-2010
Reminds Us Of: A tourism board gone horribly awry.
We told you things got weird during the recession. How many of Sheffield's players could find their sponsor on a map? (Yeah, us neither.)
Clydebank Wet Wet Wet
Clydebank, Wet Wet Wet
Lifespan: 1994
Reminds Us Of: Something Axl Rose should have done.
Clydebank band Wet, Wet, Wet covered The Troggs’ “Love Is All Around” and watched as it soared to No. 1. The band returned the favor by sponsoring its hometown team.
West Brom No Smoking
West Bromwich, No Smoking
Lifespan: 1984-1986
Reminds Us Of: Good intentions.
Thank the West Midlands Health Authority for this stroke of, well, something. Heck, it's better than those gross anti-smoking TV commercials that run now.