Image via Complex Original
Bryce Harper is/was on a crusade to make baseball fun again. And while that might be an impossible feat for the sport of baseball, the NFL is competing super hard to be the biggest buzzkill in all of professional sports. Commissioner Roger Goodell is not cool with any fun, celebrations, or acknowledgment of what the cool kids on the Internet are digging. You wanna do a small dance after scoring a touchdown? Nope. You wanna give props to a teammate in the end zone for scoring a touchdown? Nope. You wanna buy a jersey featuring the name of everyone’s favorite dead gorilla? Nope.
The NFL is a huge petty money-making machine and needs to be roasted. Don't understand why? Here are 14 Times the NFL Was Petty as Hell.
Antonio Brown is fined for twerking in the endzone.
In this season’s first weekend, the league fined Steelers’ wide out Antonio Brown for a seemingly innocent twerk in the endzone. Brown was flagged for the performance and fined. The twerking lasted for an approximate three seconds, with a total of about six hip thrusts, but ended up costing him a $9,000 fine, or roughly $3,000 per second of twerking and $1500 per thrust. I’m no math major, but that seems a little steep.
The times Marshawn Lynch was fined for grabbing his junk.
Speaking of suggestiveness, Marshawn Lynch was fined for grabbing his boys two separate times during his career. In 2014, it was a very clear gesture, costing him $11,050. The next season, Lynch’s grab was a refined, more subtle junk touch. But the NFL decided it had enough and bumped the fine up to $20,000. Lesson learned: It’s not always the degree of the junk grab, as much as it is the frequency of it. Something for future ballers to keep it mind.
The league briefly banned Harambe jerseys.
The NFL reminded us they’re not cool by preventing people from customizing jerseys with everyone's favorite dead gorilla. Then it realized that banning people from wearing jerseys with "Harambe" on the back was ridiculous and a waste of time.
Randy Moss was fined for fake mooning Packers fans.
A late night in 2005 at Lambeau Field birthed one of the most iconic moonings. And it didn't even involve any nudity. Future Hall of Famer Randy Moss mimicked pulling his pants down, a move popularized by middle school boys, after scoring. The gesture ended up becoming another opportunity for Joe Buck to piss off viewers when he got on his high horse and called it a “disgusting act.” Turns out even alluding to something crude in an NFL game costs about $10,000.
You’re not allowed to make a snow angel, Wes Welker.
Continuing on with the childish theme, in 2008 Wes Welker celebrated a pretty straight forward touchdown by making a snow angel in the endzone. With the twerking and the provocative body grabs, the NFL could maybe construe the gestures as acts of vulgarity that need to be punished. But what is more innocent than a grown man enjoying the gift that New England can’t stop giving? What if every time a kid did a snow angel they had to pay their parents $10,000?
Lance Moore and Kenny Stills flagged for doing a "Key and Peele" skit.
All it takes is three pumps. Lance Moore and Kenny Stills tested the Key and Peele theory, and it ended in both of them getting a fine, and the Saints getting a 15-yard penalty. Also, “illegal demonstration” is a beautifully vague term for end zone penalties that sounds like it could be used for something actually illegal.
Every time T.O. celebrated in the endzone he was fined.
It’s actually hard to discern who’s being petty whenever T.O. is involved in something because that’s just Owens’ M.O. But much like the NFL, he knows how to capitalize on this: Last year, he teamed with Butterfingers and offered to pay for players’ excessive celebration fines. T.O. is actually making football fun again.
But if T.O. will be remembered for anything, it will be his endzone celebrations that drew the ire of the NFL, including the time he autographed a football on the field and stole a cheerleader's pom-poms.
Nate Burleson can't wear a “what up doe" t-shirt during warmups.
Nate Burleson wore a shirt during pre-game intros that read “what up doe,” which in some ways is probably most notable due to the fact that Burleson was using this phrase in 2010. He ended up paying $15,000 for his homemade shirt, which makes almost no sense knowing that his teammate’s fine for giving an opposing fan the middle finger the week prior was one third of that price.
When they punished Chad Ochocinco for pretending to bribe a ref.
If Chad Ochocinco were trying to bribe a referee, do you really and truly think the man would use a $1? Ochocinco’s cheap stunt cost him $20,000, and the Bengals didn’t even win this call. All around L for the Cincy.
Donovan McNabb got nabbed for picking up a phone on the Giants' sidelines.
Donovan McNabb is not much of a showman. In fact, it’s kind of hard to believe that the same guy whose one Super Bowl appearance is centered around an urban legend about nervously throwing up in the huddle, could pull off some A-level trolling. But in a 2008 playoff game against the Giants, McNabb ended an 8-yard run out of bounds and into Giants territory, and then politely checked to see if their sideline telephone was working. The refs threw the flag and took those yards away from the Eagles.
Joe Horn is docked 30K for one of the GOAT endzone celebrations.
McNabb probably thought he was really slick after picking up the Giants' sideline phone, but Joe Horn’s endzone cell phone conversation was the greatest football celebration involving a phone of all time. Partially because there’s gotta be a whole lot of prep that went into getting that cellphone into the goal post without anyone in the stadium knowing, but also because it was a flip phone and that alone makes it 10x more satisfying to watch now. Of course, the league sucked any fun out of the play when it fined Horn $30,000(!!!!).
DeAngelo Williams was not allowed to wear pink to honor his mom.
While a lot of the above fines were maybe deserved, this one was outlandishly unnecessary. All Williams wanted to do was bring awareness to the disease his mother unsuccessfully battled by wearing eyeblack with the phrase “we will find a cure” and pink ribbons in the month of October for breast cancer awareness. Despite negotiations, the league still fined him over $5,000 for the stunt And apparently, it took them five years to fine Williams for a tradition he says he has done every October.
Cameron Heyward was not allowed to wear eye black to honor his late father.
The NFL completed the reign of restrictions trifecta over the Pittsburgh Steelers, fining Heyward for wearing “ironhead” eyeblack for his father and former NFL player Craig “ironhead” Heyward.
Brandon Marshall's green cleats were not appreciated by the NFL.
And while the league may have spared Colts punter Pat McAfee a fine this past weekend after he wore red, white, and blue cleats as a tribute to 9/11 victims, they took no such pity on Brandon Marshall in 2013. Marshall wore green cleats in a Thursday Night football game to raise awareness for mental health issues, as Marshall himself suffers from borderline personality disorder. Marshall went on to tweet the NFL’s explanation for the fine, but we’re still not convinced.