13 ESPN Trade Machine-Approved Deals the NBA Needs Right Now

We're only a little past the quarter mark of the NBA season and already there are some facts that we simply cannot ignore. The Warriors are better than everyone. The Sixers are worse than everyone. Kobe is never going to get that sixth ring. And the Nets, well, they have no hope for the future.

But what if we had the power to change these facts? What if we had at our disposal a machine, a magical machine that allowed us to bend much of the league's common sense trade rules and re-make teams how we see fit?

All hail the ESPN Trade Machine. So simple yet powerful enough to allow our Complex Sports staff to shift the balance of power in the NBA however we want. We've already used it to trade many of your favorite players (Westbrook | Melo | Kobe | Rose | Durant), now we're trying to fix things on the bigger scale. Get Melo out of New York? Sure. Get Drake a really big ring? Why not? Make the Clippers likable? Pack your bags, CP3. These are 13 ESPN Trade Machine-Approved Deals the NBA Needs Right Now.

Make the Warriors Better

Teams involved: Warriors, Pacers

Players involved: Klay Thompson, Paul George

Wins gained: 9

Didn't think it was possible, did you? Yup—just made the Warriors even better. Why would the Pacers do this, you ask? Well, imagine for a second that Paul George wants out of Indy. Imagine you're the Pacers front office and you're looking at possible ways to get some value for your malcontent superstar. Then imagine Golden State comes to you with this offer. Would you rather trade Paul George for a bunch of picks and dreams or for an already-established All-Star? Exactly. The Pacers take a small step back while the Warriors get even more dangerous. Consider that '96 Bulls record broken. —Maurice Peebles

Break Up the Bulls

Teams involved: Bulls, Rockets, Suns

Players involved: Derrick Rose, Joakim Noah, Kirk Hinrich, Dwight Howard, Ty Lawson, Markieff Morris, Eric Bledsoe

Wins gained: 3

If the Bulls championship window hasn't actually closed yet, it's only open a crack. Tom Thibodeau was fired over the summer, GarPax favorite Fred Hoiberg was hired, and—not a whole lot has changed. Bobby Portis fell into their laps at 22, and he can't even crack the rotation. And while their 14-8 record looks fine, a 1.4 point differential (and 27th out of 30 offensive rating) indicates underlying issues that will eventually need to be addressed. Why not now? Blowing the whole thing up by trading Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah may prove unpopular with the fanbase, but neither of them are producing at All-Star levels anymore. A change of scenery could benefit everyone. Bringing in Dwight Howard, Ty Lawson and Markieff Morris would give the franchise a much-needed facelift and some more reliable scoring options, while the Rockets would also benefit greatly. The Suns? They move the dissatisfied Morris and see whether Rose can benefit from their magical medical staff. —Russ Bengtson

Get Carmelo Out of New York

Teams involved: Knicks, Thunder, Pacers

Players involved: Carmelo Anthony, Kevin Durant, Paul George, George Hill

Wins gained: 5

Would the Thunder or Pacers ever go for this? Probably not. But Knicks fans can dream. Shipping Anthony is basically impossible because he has a no trade clause, makes way too much money, is showing signs of decline, and, most egregiously, has a 15 percent trade kicker in his contract starting next year. But since we get to revel in hypotheticals here, the Knicks make out like bandits getting a quality PG in Hill who is a big upgrade over Jose Calderon and an MVP caliber player in George. Meanwhile, the Thunder take a big hit as its projected win total decreases by nine games with Anthony instead of Durant. If Phil Jackson is really worth $12 million a year, he needs to make this happen. —Adam Caparell

Get the Sixers Veterans

Teams involved: Sixers, Grizzlies, Timberwolves

Players involved: Kevin Garnett, Vince Carter, Matt Barnes, Andre Miller, Carl Landry

Wins gained: 1

You want veterans? WE GOT VETERANS. The Sixers would literally DOUBLE their number of wins with this move. What's the easiest way to give the youngest team in NBA history some experienced leadership? Throw four old-ass players on their roster that don't really need a ton of minutes. Garnett and Barnes teaching Okafor and Embiid how to conduct themselves? What could go wrong? —Maurice Peebles

Make the Clippers Likable

Teams involved: Clippers, Cavaliers

Players involved: Kyrie Irving, J.R. Smith, Mo Williams, Matthew Dellavedova, Chris Paul, Lance Stephenson, Josh Smith

Wins gained: -9

Who has time to worry about losing nine more games a season when your team instantly goes from loathsome to fan favorites overnight? Dollar signs are worth more than titles anyway, right Ballmer? Ridding the Clips of Chris Paul, Lance Stephenson, and Josh Smith would've been a huge step towards "likable" in itself, but bringing in Kyrie, Pipe, Mo Williams, and Delly? What's not to love about a Kyrie/J.R. Swish/Blake Griffin combo? —Maurice Peebles

Put the Cavs Over the Top

Teams involved: Seriously?!? Have you seen that roster?

Players involved: Can you trade coaches on this thing?

Wins gained: HOW MANY MORE DO THEY NEED???

As long as you stay healthy, we'll see you in June, Cleveland. —Adam Caparell

Make the Rockets Good

Teams involved: Rockets, Knicks, Heat

Players involved: Chris Bosh, Hassan Whiteside, Dwight Howard, Justise Winslow, Robin Lopez, Jose Calderon, Kristaps Porzingis

Wins gained: 9

Addition by subtraction...and addition. Getting Dwight off the Rockets would be the first step towards ending the apathy in Houston, but replacing him with the league leader in blocks and an All-Star power forward with range? That's how you become a contender. Knicks fans probably won't like losing Kristaps PorzinGOD to the Heat, but getting Dwight and a young Justice Winslow on a rookie contact ain't bad. 'Staps won't be ready to be a piece on a contender for a few years still. At least Melo and D12 would be entertaining. —Maurice Peebles

Break Up the Thunder

Teams involved: Thunder, Wizards, Clippers

Players involved: Lance Stephenson, Bradley Beal, Kevin Durant, Marcin Gortat

Wins gained: -15

With the rise of the Golden State Warriors, it looks like it’s time to break up the Thunder. At 16-8, they have the currently have the fifth best record in the league, and that’s mainly because they have two of the top five players on the planet. When playoff time comes around, you need to ask yourself three questions: Can they beat the Clippers? Can they beat the Spurs? Can they beat the Warriors? Here are the answers: Maybe, nope, nah. And that’s unfortunate—a sad, sad state of affairs if you ask me. Neither star is willing to defer, and by neither star I mean Russell Westbrook. So here you go, Russ. It’s your team. Do with it what you may. —Angel Diaz

Get Kobe a 6th Ring

Teams involved: Lakers, Clippers, 76ers

Players involved: Chris Paul, Jahlil Okafor, Roy Hibbert, Lou Williams, Brandon Bass

Wins gained: -8

John Hollinger is overrated. I mess with analytics for the most part, but riddle me this, Hollinger: How do the Lakers trade Roy Hibbert, Lou Williams, and Brandon Bass, while bringing in Chris Paul and Jahlil Okafor, and get eight wins worse? That makes no sense, big bruh. While CP3 and King Jah may not be enough to get Kobe No. 6, they’ll certainly be a mid-level playoff team. And sometimes all you have to do is be in the race to have a chance. They have to fire Byron Scott for this to really work, though. —Angel Diaz

Get Drake a Really Big Ring

Teams involved: Raptors, Rockets, Knicks, Sixers

Players involved: James Harden, Kristaps Porzingis, DeMarre Carroll, Kyle Lowry, Derrick Williams, Dwight Howard, Nerlens Noel, Robin Lopez

Wins gained: 8

Who knew it was so hard to make the Raps legit contenders? They have so many solid pieces, but none of them are really enough to package for a superstar without some iffy trades. The Raptors exchanging Lowry for Harden is an upgrade, and young KP gives Toronto a starting five of Harden/DeRozen/Ross/Porzingis/Valanciunas, which is a contender in the East. Would the Knicks ever deal Kristaps for a back-less Dwight Howard and a Nerlens Noel with Sixers PTSD? Hell no. Nor would the Rockets trade their best players for Kyle Lowry and DeMarre. But such is life when you're trying to bring a chip to the 6. —Maurice Peebles

Get Boogie Out of Sac-Town

Teams involved: Kings, Grizzlies

Players involved: DeMarcus Cousins, Zach Randolph, Tony Allen

Wins gained: -5

No, this trade does not make the Kings better. It doesn't make them younger. It doesn't even clear cap room until the summer of 2017. But what it DOES do is shake things up in a major way, bringing in the key pieces of Memphis's "Grit N' Grind" (which wasn't working for them very well anyway) and sending Boogie off to play alongside Marc Gasol. Is this a smart move for the Kings? Maybe not. But it's A move, which seems decidedly necessary. —Russ Bengtson

Get the Hawks Over the Top

Teams involved: Hawks, Wizards, Grizzlies

Players involved: Kyle Korver, Bradley Beal, Courtney Lee

Wins gained: 3

From a salary and roster perspective, this is the simplest three-team trade ever—each exchanging shooting guards making $5.7 million. The Wizards are the clear loser here in terms of wins, but if the goal is to go after Kevin Durant this summer, they still have an expiring $5.7 million slot in Courtney Lee. The Hawks give up Kyle Korver, a key part of last year's squad, but gain Bradley Beal, an actual star in the making who can create his own shot—something the Hawks lack. Does three extra wins make them a real contender? It's worth a shot. —Russ Bengtson

Save the Nets

Teams involved: N/A

Players involved: N/A

Wins gained: N/A

I'm sorry...there's nothing we could do. After Billy King (surely at the request of owner Mikhail Prokhorov) traded away all of their future assets for an already-past-their-prime Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce, there's really no even remotely feasible trade that can help the Nets. What? Is a contender going to trade a young promising player for a few months of Thad Young? Not likely. Brooklyn better hope one or more big-name free agents are REALLY into high taxes and Notorious BIG murals. —Maurice Peebles