Image via Complex Original
In a National Football League with 32 teams, only 12 playoff spots, and guaranteed playoff entry for all division winners, you're bound to get a few postseason snubs. Nearly every year we see an 8-8 team make the playoffs instead of one with a 9-7 record, and like clockwork people start to clamor for the NFL to change the way it structures its tournament to the Super Bowl. This year is no different.
Oh, wait—yes it is. Because not only did FOUR 9-7 teams not make the playoffs, but a 10-6 club also missed out this year. All in favor of a team that didn't even win half it's games.
The NFC South champion Carolina Panthers will enter this year's postseason with a paltry 7-8-1 record, having earned a HOME PLAYOFF GAME along the way. Only defeat one playoff team this season? Doesn't matter. End your season on a "hot streak" by beating teams with a combined 22-42 record? Doesn't matter. Get pummeled and have your score more-than-doubled by the 10-6 Eagles team you stole a playoff spot from?
You get the idea.
Because the NFC South was so pathetic this year, and because there are so many teams we'd rather watch next weekend besides that division's "champion," here are 9 Teams We'd Rather See in the Playoffs Besides the Carolina Panthers. This normally would be a list of 10, but even we can't pretend to wanna see the Miami Dolphins over Unbreakable Cam Newton.
The St. Louis Rams
Regular season record: 6-10
Best offensive player: LT Jake Long
Best defensive player: RE Robert Quinn
Why we'd rather see them than the Panthers:
The Rams might have only won six games, but there's a reason for that: They play in the league's toughest division. It's hard to rack up double-digit victories when you play the 11-5 Cardinals twice, a Niners team that played in the last two NFC Championship games twice, and the Super Bowl champion Seahawks twice. They also have one of the leagues most underrated defenses, one of the leagues most underrated pass rushers in Robert Quinn, as well as victories against Seattle, San Francisco, Denver, and a 52-0 rout of Oakland. AND they famously stood up for social justice with their "Hands up" entrance on November 30 in the wake of the events in Ferguson.
The Minnesota Vikings
Regular season record: 7-9
Best offensive player: RB Adrian Peterson RT Phil Loadholt
Best defensive player: FS Harrison Smith
Why we'd rather see them than the Panthers:
Besides the fact that they won three of their last five games—the losses only being by two points each—with their best player on the sideline nearly the entire season? Besides the fact that they have a candidate for Offensive Rookie of the Year (Teddy Bridgewater aka Teddy Two-Gloves) under center? Besides the fact that they actually BEAT the Panthers 31-13 a little more than a month ago?
Hard to say.
The Cleveland Browns
Regular season record: 7-9
Best offensive player: LT Joe Thomas
Best defensive player: CB Joe Haden
Why we'd rather see them than the Panthers:
Because none of us are immune to the draw of Johnny Football. He is the flame, and we are nothing but a nation of fat, dumb moths. Manziel played terribly in his starts, seriously injured his hamstring, and might actually be an awful NFL quarterback, yet this week would have infinitely more hype if Jdot Football were about to be let loose on the NFL playoffs. If you think Johnny parties hard the Friday before the last game, imagine how many bottles would get popped and bills would get rolled if he were playoff bound.
The San Francisco 49ers
Regular season record: 8-8
Best offensive player: LT Joe Staley
Best defensive player: MLB NaVorro Bowman
Why we'd rather see them than the Panthers:
Sure, they're down NaVorro Bowman and Patrick Willis. And sure, they (probably) hated their head coach for most of the year. And sure, their head coach bolted for the University of Michigan before the season was even over. But that doesn't mean the Niners aren't still more entertaining than the Panthers. Colin "Who Needs a 4th-Quarter Touchdown?" Kaepernick continues to be a walking highlight reel, and even though the offense had been pedestrian for most of 2014, they're still a major market team with bandwagon fans all over the country. Not to mention a mediocre Kaep & Co. going up against a fantastic A-Rod Pack would actually make for incredible playoff football. Remember, in his past three games against Green Bay, Kaepernick is 3-0 and has accumulated 1,203 total yards and 8 total touchdowns.
The Houston Texans
Regular season record: 9-7
Best offensive player: RE J.J. Watt
Best defensive player: RE J.J. Watt
Why we'd rather see them than the Panthers:
Because J.J. Watt is the best football player on planet earth.
Think about it: The only player in league history to rack up multiple 20+ sack seasons also returns interceptions for touchdowns, swats more passes than some teams, and catches end zone fade routes like he's goddamned Plaxico Buress. Oh, and he also says things like this: "All I know is, you mess with me, you got a problem. That's all I know."
Justin James the GAWD.
The Kansas City Chiefs
Regular season record: 9-7
Best offensive player: RB Jamaal Charles
Best defensive player: LOLB Justin Houston
Why we'd rather see them than the Panthers:
We'd rather see the Chiefs, because (A) Chiefs fans are more passionate than Panthers fans, (B) they've invented a style of football that involves never throwing touchdowns to wide receivers, and (C) laughing at Andy Reid as he bungles clock management at the end of games never gets old.
The San Diego Chargers
Regular season record: 9-7
Best offensive player: QB Philip Rivers
Best defensive player: FS Eric Weddle
Why we'd rather see them than the Panthers:
First of all the Chargers are probably a better team than the Panthers. But besides that, we'd be all-in for watching the Chargers if only to see Philip Rivers go full "Psycho P" on the sidelines after his team melts down in the playoffs yet again. Poor guy—he's never going to win a Super Bowl. That doesn't mean we wouldn't wanna see him flip out and make crazy faces for a few more hours while trying, though.
The Buffalo Bills
Regular season record: 9-7
Best offensive player: WR Sammy Watkins
Best defensive player: LE Mario Williams
Why we'd rather see them than the Panthers:
Because Kyle Orton is like the grizzled veteran version of Johnny Manziel. But even more than wanting to see K.O. play his last game with Jack still in his system, we'd want to see the vaunted Bills defensive line get a chance to turn it up a notch when it matters. Plus... it's Buffalo. Six feet of snow fell on this football-tortured city just last month. According to Google it's 27 degrees and snowing there RIGHT NOW. Those people, who just experienced a winning season for the first time in 10 years, deserve a playoff game.
The Philadelphia Eagles
Regular season record: 10-6
Best offensive player: LG Evan Mathis
Best defensive player: RE Fletcher Cox
Why we'd rather see them than the Panthers:
I'm an Eagles fan, so the chances of me being objective here are pretty slim. Having said that, the Eagles are a much better team than the Panthers, and they proved that by winning 10 games and by beating Carolina earlier in the year. The Birds also have more interesting storylines than the Panthers. Even though Cam "Superman" Newton somehow walked away from a potentially fatal car accident several weeks back, his comeback story isn't nearly as entertaining as watching Chip Kelly's offense zoom up and down the field for three hours. PLUS, the Eagles' secondary is awful, so at the very least they'd be playing in high-scoring games. Nobody wants to see the Panthers' two geriatric running backs when they could watch LeSean McCoy and Darren Sproles.
A team with seven wins is playing a home playoff game while a team with 10 wins goes fishing? SHAMEFUL, UNETHICAL, AND UNJUST. America deserves to see Mark Sanchez pretend to be an effective quarterback at least one more time this year.
