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“March,” Thalassa Cruso once said, “is a month of considerable frustration.” Cruso might have been a horticulturalist, but I’m pretty sure she was talking about basketball. Because, let’s be serious, as glorious a month as March is for hoops fans, it can also be frustrating. We’re talking about 67 games in 12 days, which, by my math, adds up to some serious basketball FOMO. Follow these 10 tips, though, and you’ll be sure to cut down on the odds of missing a moment of March Madness.
10. Don't Forget About The First Four
First things first: a friendly reminder that back in 2011 the NCAA, wanting to make more money give more teams a taste of postseason play, expanded the field from 65 to 68 teams. Now, instead of two 16 seeds fighting to be the Sydney Carton to Florida’s Charles Darnay, we’ve actually got a couple of good games before the first weekend. Now—in addition to the obligatory matchups between 16 seeds fighting to get their head lopped off—we’ve got two games featuring the last four at-large teams to make the field. Back in 2011, VCU went all the way from the First Four to the Final Four, so you definitely don’t want to overlook the squads playing in Dayton on March 18 and 19.
9. Listen to Coach Knight
“The will to succeed is important,” Coach Knight said, “but what’s more important is the will to prepare.” Let that sink in. Sure, the will to watch every game during March Madness is good. But you’ve got to be willing to prepare. A good place to start was the ACC Tournament. After getting in some practice reps (i.e. watching the 14-game ACC Tournament over five days) you should be ready to go for March Madness.
8. Set Aside Off Days For Your Significant Other…
If your significant other doesn’t share Dick Vitale’s enthusiasm for hoops, March has the potential to be disastrous. Play it incorrectly, and you could end up like David at the end of Giovanni’s Room: with neither of your loves—and a drinking problem. Avoid this fate by devoting your off days to dinners by candlelight or whatever else your boo wants. If you put in the work beforehand, on game days you should be free from nagging.
7. …But Just To Be Safe, For Game Days Cop Some Movie Tickets
Any truly great team is prepared for the worst. Take, for example, Duke in 1992. The Blue Devils had the ball under their own basket trailing Kentucky 103-102 with 2.1 seconds left. You know what happens next. I don’t care how much you hate Duke, for this month you have to think like Coach K. Because even if you followed the previous step, you have to be prepared for a tough spot. So make sure you have a plan. Here’s an idea: at the first sign of disapproval from your other half, produce some movie tickets for him or her (preferably to a far-away cinema).
6. On Game Days, Exercise
For the first weekend we’re dealing with games stretching from noon to midnight (and that’s not even counting the pre- and post-game shows). That’s a lot of TV watching. Go for a jog* in the morning so you don’t have to feel guilty about being a coach potato the rest of the day. And while you’re at it, throw in some exercises that get your eyes moving—squash, for example. That way, when you set up multiple screens to monitor the games (with action airing simultaneously, this is a necessity), your eyes will be warmed up and ready to dart back and forth.
*True, running does suck. Bang out some pushups and call it a day.
5. Prepare Food Ahead of Time
I know what you’re thinking. Yes, basketball is all you really need to survive—but a little food won’t hurt. Rather than running off to Subway in the middle of the day, plan ahead so you don’t have to miss any action. If you don’t have the energy to go all out with the cooking on the morning of gameday, pick up some carrots and peanuts. Foods with a low glycemic index will keep your body going for the long haul.
4. Go Easy On The Booze
March Madness is a marathon, not a sprint. Drinking like a frat star may work for the four-hour Super Bowl, but it’s a bad idea for the back-to-back-to-back-to-back 12-hour days ahead. Keep it together so this March Madness is one you’ll actually always remember.
3. Prepare Some Productive (But Mindless) Activities
There may come a time—I don’t know, maybe sometime in the middle of the second weekend—when you get a little antsy. Perhaps you start to think about that project for work that’s hanging over your head, and you’re feeling a little unproductive. You could take a stab at that project, but that might mean missing something like this. So instead, I recommend saving up some tedious, time-consuming yet mindless tasks that will make you feel good about yourself without diverting your attention. Clean your living room, fold your laundry, shine your dress shoes, or (try to) sign up for insurance at HealthCare.gov.
2. Listen to Coach Wooden
“Failure is never fatal,” Coach Wooden said. “It’s courage that counts.” I’m not saying this is going to happen to you, but—hypothetically—on the off chance that you do, for whatever unlikely reason, actually miss a game, remember Coach Wooden’s words: failure is never fatal. Let it go, and find the courage to turn the TV back on.
1. Call In Sick For Work
But that goes without saying, right?