Image via Complex Original
16.
Last night, WWE brought back the Elimination Chamber in a Network Live Special (read: an “online-only” PPV), to the joy of many a gimmick match lover. The chamber has been a favorite of fans since its inception, mostly for its innovative “staggered entry” format (two wrestlers start in the ring, then every "x" amount of time another joins the fray, until all six are in)—and the fact that the chamber is one of the more intriguing weapons in WWE, with its corner pods and steel floor outside of the ring.
To celebrate the return of everyone’s third favorite hardcore match (which will hopefully be used in better fashion than it was last night going forward), we wanted to take a look at the best gimmick matches in WWE* history; from endurance matches like Last Man Standing and Iron Man, to weapon-filled shenanigans like Street Fights and Strap Matches, to the simple brutality of enclosed spaces (hi, War Games). One thing that holds true for the following 15 matches is that they have all gained fans throughout the years for taking WWE and making it just that much more extreme.
*A couple of these matches gained fame in WCW, but since WWE purchased that company, we’ll count them as well.
15.Last Man Standing
Iconic match: Edge vs. John Cena, Backlash 2009
In theory, Last Man Standing matches should be towards the top of this list. The idea of an LMS match is as hardcore as anything in WWE: Knockout your opponent so resoundingly that he can’t answer a 10-count from the referee, boxing style. However, in practice, Last Man Standing matches can be hit or miss, and the reason for this is the dreaded nine-count. When used right, a nine-count can be a dramatic climax to the match, showing that the downed wrestler is giving his all to win. When used all willy-nilly, however, nine counts just make the matches drag on to painful lengths; after all, the count could be better used by handing out more punishment instead.
That being said, when a Last Man Standing match goes for maximum brutality, it functions somewhere between an Iron Man Match and an I Quit Match (more on those in a moment); the punishment is extended to excruciating lengths, and there usually is no doubt as to who the better man is (a good example of how to NOT do that is the recent John Cena way of winning, which is not by KO-ing his opponent, but by trapping them under debris so they can’t stand up, which is just stupid). As a feud blow-off, there are fewer definitive endings than being knocked out so badly you can’t even get on your feet.
14.Casket Match
Iconic match: Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels, Royal Rumble 1998
First off, casket matches should ever only be done with either Undertaker or Kane involved. The idea of incapacitating your opponent so thoroughly that you can place them in a coffin and close it on them is so tied to the Brothers of Destruction that any future Casket Matches will feel as hollow as the empty boxes involved. Regardless, casket matches work similarly to Last Man Standing matches in that the objective is not just to win, but to clobber your opponent into unconsciousness.
As most of the matches on this list go, the lack of disqualification has allowed for some creative (and terrifyingly effective) ways of KO-ing wrestlers; the iconic match listed above saw the Undertaker hit his Tombstone Piledriver finisher on Shawn Michaels INTO the casket, a perfect tying of wrestling and brawling (and proof that Undertaker is made for this match).
13.I Quit Match
Iconic match: Mankind vs. The Rock, Royal Rumble 1999
The science behind “I Quit” matches is simple: Two tough guys battle to see who will have the stronger will and more powerful endurance. It’s not a matter of knocking someone out; as we saw at Payback this month, an unconscious opponent can’t quit (*insert cenawinslol.gif here*). Instead, they must (normally) quit out of their own free will and with their own voice.
“Do you quit?” That’s the question that looms over every “I Quit” match, one that must be repeated by the referee ad infinitum until one performer yells the titular couplet. It is also the one negative factor in “I Quit” matches, the thing that holds it back from being higher on this list. There’s nothing that kills momentum more than a referee stopping the match every bleeping minute to ask a wrestler if this is the moment he gives up; it usually is not. And so, that minor annoyance costs the match on this ranking; it’s impossible to get a good flow in with that distraction. That being said, “I Quit” matches can be some of the bloodiest and most technically destructive matches out there; although it seems to stem from the same family as Submission Matches, the goal here is not just to submit the opponent; it’s to humble them with pain, until they can’t take anymore. You think tapping out is bad? Try saying the words “I Quit” to your hated rival.
12.Tables Match
Iconic match: Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz, Royal Rumble 2000
“D-Von! Get the table!” It’s funny how much one catchphrase can impact wrestling history for years to come. Back in the Attitude Era, Bubba Ray Dudley’s impassioned plea for a flimsy plywood table was received with cheers and anticipation of human-through-wood violence, but it’s the less immediate thrill perpetuated by the boys from Dudleyville that lives on today: the Tables Match. A staple of the Dudley Boyz’s time in WWE (and one of the precursors to a top 5 match on this list), the Tables Match is simple in its concept but extremely detailed in its execution: To win, you must put your opponent through a table.
That seems to be almost boring in its basic conceit, yet the different ways wrestlers have been slammed through thing pieces of wood have brought fans joys for the last couple of decades. Whether it be a chokeslam, a high dive onto an opponent prone on the table, or even the rare double fall, every moment teetering on the brink of destruction draws gasps and bated breaths. And when the moment finally comes, and a human body crashes through one or more tables in defeat...well, there are few moments more immediately cathartic than that in all of professional wrestling.
11.Iron Man Match
From the immediate to the enduring: the Iron Man match is pro wrestling at its most technical and most grueling. This is not the match for your lumbering giants or your speedy spot monkeys; for years, the Iron Man match has been strictly the realm of the highly-skilled ring generals and chain wrestling masters. After all, you can’t successfully entertain a crowd for an hour (more or less, depending on the individual match’s stipulation) without being skilled not just in wrestling, but in wrestling psychology. It’s a basketball playoff series distilled into a definite time limit and with every fall feeling like a Game 7’s sense of anxiety. Could this be the pinfall that wins immortality?
Of course, the biggest problem with the Iron Man match is also its raison d’etre: It’s a really fucking long match. While there have been 15-minute-or-less variations, a true Iron Man match sees competitors fight it out for 30 minutes or more, and with that comes a lot of rest holds and lying on the ring selling moves. Take the iconic match listed above, which is generally treated as either one of the best matches ever OR one of the most overrated (the truth is somewhere in the middle). Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels blow off their title feud on the biggest stage of them all...with a 0-0 draw after 60 minutes. It’s a beautifully-executed makeout session with your sister, if you will. You don’t need 15+ minutes of working an armbar to even get to the finish, which was Michaels kicking Hart in the face. It’s wrestling for the sake of wrestling, and while that’s all well and good, maybe throw us a bone with a few exciting pinfalls next time?
10.Street Fight
Iconic match: Triple H vs. Cactus Jack, Royal Rumble 2000
A street fight by any other name is just as vicious. At least, that’s how WWE sees it when they employ any variation of the No Disqualification match: Extreme Rules, No DQ, No Holds Barred, Falls Count Anywhere (which has its own wrinkle of, well, falls counting anywhere), and personal favorite, the Street Fight. Regardless of what it’s called, the match is identifiable by three main things: (1) only ways to win are by pinfall or submission, (2) weapons are not just allowed, but encouraged and, (3) there will (most likely) be blood.
Take the iconic match listed above, for example: Triple H and Cactus Jack (a.k.a. Mick Foley’s most sadistic alter ego) beat the living hell out of each other with thumbtacks, barbed wired, 2x4s...and a barbed wire-covered 2x4, just to spice things up. Blood was everywhere, so much so that you couldn’t tell who was bleeding and who was just covered in the other’s (spoiler: They were both bleeding buckets). A good street fight requires performers game to beat the crap out of each other, but when that chemistry is found, nothing in wrestling is more visceral and gladiatorial. Even in the PG era of current WWE, a Street Fight (when done correctly) can be a stunning callback to a simpler era, when concussions were something you worked through and blood was expected, not feared.
9.Strap Match
Iconic match: Sting vs. Vader, WCW SuperBrawl III
Strap matches (and all of their cousins, including last month’s Russian Chain Match at Extreme Rules) are weirdly specific anti-wrestling spectacles. There is no goal that resembles any form of match contested elsewhere in WWE; instead, the objective is to simply touch all 4 corners of the ring in a row, without stopping. The catch? You’re tied to your opponent via the titular strap (or whatever the prop du jour might be). The strap then becomes both restriction and opportunity: The close proximity of the two wrestlers eliminates a variety of spots (it’s hard to leap off the top rope, for example) while opening up innovative attack ideas involving, well, hitting your opponent viciously with the strap itself.
When done correctly, strap matches call back to a more visceral era, the early days of WCW (which was born out of the NWA territory system). The match mentioned above is the blueprint for all strap matches since: an underdog (in this case, Sting, the ultimate babyface) is tied to a beast of a man (Vader, always terrifying) to heighten the drama (or as Jesse Ventura said during this match: "The strap changes everything. Nowhere to run."). It’s the perfect chance for a babyface to just get destroyed in service of a story, and no one understood that better than Sting. Whether the heel ends up winning, or the babyface powers up and comes back to claim victory, the punishment handed out in pursuit of four corners is always vicious...and almost always leaves a mark.
8.Cage Match
Iconic match: Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart, Summerslam 1994
Two men, locked together inside a steel cage, with no interference from the outside world (usually). A cage match is as simple as it gets for gimmick matches, yet that simplicity can be polished into a hardcore gem. Moves receive extra impact by being done either onto the cage walls or, in some memorable instances, from the top of the cage (who can forget Kurt Angle’s many (many) missed Moonsaults from the top of cages). Faces are grinded into the mesh steel walls, really amping up the violence on even the simplest (and in reality, safest) holds. Additionally, cages are used to isolate a cheating heel with a vengeful face, supposedly blocking out interference from any external parties with a horse in the race. That provides its own mini-drama: Will the cronies find a way inside, despite the cage?
Honestly, though, cage matches in the PG era of WWE have lost their luster slightly due to two things: the lack of blood to sell the pain, and the emphasis on pinfall and submission inside the cage. Call it a purist idea, but the cage matches of yore that remain historic are the ones where two wrestlers raced to the top of the cage in order to escape first. Still, there’s something very final about resolving a feud inside a cage; whoever either stumbles out or manages to score a pin leaves knowing that he was the better man.
7.WarGames
Iconic match: Team Dusty vs. The Four Horsemen, The Great American Bash 1987
Why hasn’t WWE brought back WarGames? The best thing to ever come out of WCW (sorry, nWo), WarGames pits two large teams against each other in a staggered entry format, with two men starting the match, while the others file in every two minutes. Sounds pretty cool already, but then you take into account the WarGames structure: two rings next to each other, all inside a giant steel cage. Oh, and you can’t be pinned; you have to submit or just surrender to your opponent in order to lose.
A relic of a lost time, the WarGames match hasn’t been used in WCW/WWE since 1997, mostly (one would assume) for the logistics around placing two rings in the middle of arenas that might not be able to fit them. Bullshit, we say. It seems like another case of Vince McMahon not wanting to give WCW credit for doing something awesome, which is a shame. A WarGames main event in 2015 would be fascinating, not just for the sheer spectacle, but because it calls back to a more brutal era, when laying down for a "1, 2, 3" was a luxury not afforded its combatants.
6.Royal Rumble
Iconic match: Royal Rumble 1992
Ah, the Royal Rumble, known around these parts as the most important bad match in wrestling. The ultimate example of “in theory, not in practice,” the Rumble succeeds almost entirely because of what it means, and not the actual in-ring action. 30 men come in, staggered by a certain amount of time, and fight to throw each other over the top rope until only one remains. That one will, traditionally, headline WrestleMania in a title match, rising to a new level of popularity. Along the way, the staggered entrances are used to bring back legends, to unveil new superstars, and to reveal surprise entrants that get a Rumble crowd as fired up as any in wrestling. It’s a shame that the actual match is plodding, boring, and ultimately, relatively predictable.
That’s what happens when you combine way too many competitors with an hour-long runtime and a very limited pool of possible winners. Take this year’s Rumble, for example: Even before everything went to shit, hilariously, the possible winners were, what? Roman Reigns, Daniel Bryan, and maybe someone from the Dean Ambrose/Dolph Ziggler School of Almost Main Eventers. To sit through an hour of lazy wrestling in between (admittedly great) surprise entrants just to reach an inevitable conclusion (RomanWinsLOL) seems counterproductive to your sanity. Yet, we watch every year because that victory can set not just one year’s worth of story into motion; it can make or break careers for future superstars. So what if you have to sit through an hour to get there? The juice is worth the plodding squeeze.
5.Money in the Bank
Iconic match: Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian vs. Kane vs. Edge, WrestleMania 21
The top 5 begins with one of the more recent entries onto this list: the Money in the Bank ladder match. While it may just be a multi-man ladder match, the prize at the top of the rungs has elevated this particular flavor into its own wonderful brand of chaos. 6+ men compete at once, all aiming to grab the briefcase suspended above the ring, a briefcase that grants them a shot at the biggest title in the land, whenever and wherever they want it. The Money in the Bank match itself has been home to memorable spots and some truly scary bumps (Sin Cara still hasn’t recovered from this one), but it’s the promise of a title shot that is most memorable of all.
First off, given that it is not (usually) for the title itself, the card is slotted with mid-to-upper-mid card performers who don’t normally get a showcase spot like this on pay-per-views, and that always leads to more risk-taking than, say, an Intercontinental Title ladder match. Secondly, the winner of this brutal dance gets a marquee moment when they do eventually cash in their title, as Seth Rollins demonstrated at WrestleMania 31. While not directly a part of the match itself, the anticipation and speculation around “When will he cash in?” seeps into the race for the briefcase. A gimmick match that not only entertains like no other, but also leads to another exciting moment in the near future? Not bad for a modified ladder match.
4.Elimination Chamber
Iconic match: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Edge vs. John Cena vs. Kane vs. Mike Knox, No Way Out 2009
And now, we come to the chamber. As explained above, the Elimination Chamber’s return is the impetus for this retrospective, and for good reason: Take the thrill of elimination matches, add in some randomness for entry sequences, and top it off with a terrifying prison of chains and steel, and you’ve got the modern-day standard bearer for hardcore. More than any match on this list, the Elimination Chamber succeeds in the PG Era because of its stipulations. It’s not just blood and bumps that make a chamber match great—it’s the drama inherent in its premise.
Which men will come out first? Who will be the last one out of the chamber (the match’s version of a hot tag)? Who will team up with who? It’s that last question that has also led to the best moments in the chamber’s history, including the best elimination sequence ever: John Cena falls victim to a Codebreaker from Chris Jericho, into a 619 from Rey Mysterio, into a Spear from Edge. Those 7 or so seconds explain the possibilities inside the chamber, where alliances are forged for the briefest moments, and where eliminations open up the ability to work together until the very moment you don’t.
3.Ladder Match
Iconic match: Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels, No Mercy 2008
Before reading this section, please watch this clip of Lucha Underground’s Dario Cueto says “LADDER MATCH” for 22 minutes. Okay, now you’re in the right frame of mind to read about the ladder match, the most elegant of gimmick matches. For reasons that become clear when you take into account the height of ladders and the daredevil nature of WWE performers, the ladder match has always been the preferred playground of the high flyers. Ever since Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon brought it to the forefront with their classic at WrestleMania X, the ladder match has been a staple of WWE’s revolving roster of gimmicks, and it almost always delivers a match full of excitement and veritable “holy shit” moments.
In recent years, WWE has experimented with the ladder as a weapon in these matches, with mixed results. When used correctly, the sound of a ladder connecting on a wrestler can be as satisfying as any, but the over-reliance on ground-based weapon spots goes against the history of ladder matches. The best example of using the ladder as both launching ground and prop is the iconic match listed above, which pitted Chris Jericho against Shawn Michaels for the World Heavyweight Title. Over 22 minutes, the two men beat the living hell out of each other, with ladders seeming like extension of their bodies. It’s well worth looking up this match on the WWE Network, if only to see the form perfected for all audiences.
2.Hell in a Cell
Iconic match: Undertaker vs. Mankind, King of the Ring 1998
It’s arguably the most famous moment in wrestling history: Undertaker grabs Mankind and chucks him from the top of the Hell in a Cell structure, with Mick Foley’s limp body eventually crashing through the announcer's table some 20 feet below. It was needlessly dangerous, ultimately more terrifying than exciting, and just brutal to watch...but it was also kind of amazing. That, in a nutshell, is Hell in a Cell. Before it was reduced to a yearly PPV of PG proportions (shout out to Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose for actually utilizing it well this past year; gentlemen, you are a rarity), the cell was only brought out in the most heated of blood feuds. An exclamation on a run-on sentence of violence, if you will.
When it was still a rarity, few matches held more promise than the Hell in a Cell matches. It also wasn’t a question of if, but of when the wrestlers would make their way to the top of the cell, where a new variety of spots opened up. Would someone go off the edge, like Mankind and Rikishi? Would someone go THROUGH the cage, like Mick Foley (sense a pattern?) did on multiple occasions? These matches were filled with a yearning for new spots, and with higher and higher stakes, both in kayfabe and in reality. WWE likes to say that most of their gimmick matches are capable of “ending careers,” but in Hell in a Cell matches, that felt more like a given than a tagline.
1.Tables, Ladders, Chairs
Iconic match: Edge & Christian vs. The Dudley Boyz vs. The Hardy Boyz a.k.a. “TLC II,” WrestleMania X-7
This is it: the holy grail of gimmick matches in WWE. For sheer mayhem and creative carnage, nothing comes close to the three-headed hydra that is a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match. Originating at Summerslam 2000, the match was created to further elevate the feud between the Dudley Boyz, the Hardy Boyz, and Edge & Christian. Each team lent their signature weapons to the match: tables, ladders, and chairs, respectively, and thus history was made.
After their frankly-insane classic at WrestleMania X-7, WWE decided that TLC matches should no longer be the sole battleground for those three tag teams, and competitors of all builds and abilities have faced off with the three most common weapons a WWE ring has to offer. One thing that hasn’t changed since the beginning is the hybridization of weaponry within the match: It’s not rare to see someone dive from the top of ladder into a table, only to then be hit with a chair (ok, the chairs part has always been the weakest; there’s a reason Chairs Matches did not make this list). Regardless of who is participating, a good ol’ fashioned TLC match will always keep fans at the edge of their seats and performers at the peak of their adrenaline.