Image via Complex Original
Sports are a beautiful thing, not least because they allow ugly people to shine. Don't believe us? Here are 100 athletes (men only, we ain't that mean) who, despite being whupped upside their head with the ugly stick (or in some cases, whupped upside the head multiple times with a whole damn bag of ugly sticks), managed to persevere and find success on the playing field (we're employing a broad definition of "success" here; Shelden Williams is on the list).
We've tried to exclude people who look funny for medical reasons (no Gustavo Chacin or Charlie Villanueva), or guys who were literally hit upside the head (car crash victims Franck Ribery and Joleon Lescott) to focus on athletes who were born with eyebrows (way, way too much eyebrow in some cases) and didn't face any abnormal hardship as children (aside from having kids run screaming every time they showed their hideous mugs). So, straight from the department of We're Going to Hell for This, here are the 100 Ugliest Athletes of All Time.
100. Andrew Luck
Sport: Football
Career: 2009-Present
Reminds Us Of: Grizzly Adams
The Abe Lincoln beard isn't a good look. Let's hope he changes it up now that he has all that cash. As soon as he finishes carving defenses up, he carves out duck callers with a shotgun.
99. Kyle Orton
Sport: Football
Career: 2005-Present
Reminds Us Of: Being thankful we don't have to shave our necks
Your nickname is "Neckbeard." You are famous for imbibing Jack Daniels. And you're a millionaire a few times over. Ain't sports great?
98. Joe DiMaggio
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1936-1951
Reminds Us Of: People who are glad color photography wasn't invented sooner
Married to Marilyn Monroe, 56-game hit streak, the classiest of the Yankees, etc., etc. Spare us. An icon? Sure. Easy on the eyes? Uh, no.
97. Bobby Clarke
Sport: Hockey
Career: 1969-1984
Reminds Us Of: This song
Bobby Clarke is a three-time league MVP and two-time Stanley Cup champ so what does he give a fuck about a grill? Actually, he's grown wiser with old age. Dentures FTW!
96. Bill Walker
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2008-Present
Reminds Us Of: Parker from Alien
Bill Walker is 24 going on 45. He plays like it, too. After every dunk he has to drink prune juice to get the bowels moving.
95. Michael Ruffin
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1999-2009
Reminds Us Of: Popeye Jones
If you look like Popeye Jones it's pretty much a wrap for you. We once saw him dunk a basketball with his forehead.
94. Michael Reiziger
Sport: Soccer
Career: 1990-2007
Reminds Us Of: Tiger Woods x Beaver x Bubbles
Description: Career stat line: 337 club appearances, 11 goals, and one ugly ass mug.
93. Nobby Stiles
Sport: Soccer
Career: 1960-1975
Reminds Us Of: Austin Powers
When you think of the British, good looks isn’t the first thing that pops into your head. Nobby is definitely the poster boy for what is wrong with so many Brits. To put it nicely, he’s a perfect representation of his country. #yesshotsfired #seeyouinlondon
92. Troy Murphy
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2001-Present
Reminds Us Of: Jim Halpert from The Office
Murphy has a long, droopy face that makes it seem like he’s about to fall asleep at any minute. Actually, maybe it’s more of a look of confusion. He forgot how to play basketball a solid two years ago. Just ask the Celtics and Lakers.
91. Kimbo Slice
Sport: MMA
Career: 2007-present
Reminds Us Of: This dude
The proverbial street brawler of the UFC quickly rose to and fell from fame with his gritty, junkyard dog fighting style. Slice, known for knocking dudes out, when he wasn't getting KO'd himself, was putting his opponents to the canvass quicker than you can say Seth Petruzelli. We're just not sure which one fell off faster: Slice's UFC career or his Uncle Phil-Rick Ross hair and beard combo.
90. Keith Van Horn
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1997-2008
Reminds Us Of: A case of lockjaw
Is Keith Van Horn the ugliest guy on this list? No. But he has that same smug smear as that kid from your high school who drove a busted Camaro and dated and a freshman. Only uglier.
89. Reggie Miller
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1987-2005
Reminds Us Of: Steve Blake
Reggie had to be good at something looking like that. Can you imagine how his childhood would've been like if he sucked? He could play in a sci-fi movie with no make-up on. Reggie's house was allegedly burned down by his wife (now ex) in 1997 and since they've been divorced it's been Miller Time.
88. Wang Zhizhi
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2001-2005
Reminds Us Of: A giant Rex Lee
For the huge basketball fan, Wang Zhizhi was the guy that bounced around from team to team during the years of '01 to '05. But for everyone else, he's just some dude that looks like the typical antagonist in a Jet Li flick. Either way, he's still somewhat famous, right?
87. Adonal Foyle
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1997-2009
Reminds Us Of: Predator without the mask
Adonal Foyle is good dude off the court that's always involved in charity work. He really needs to chill and stay indoors, though. How good can he be for the kids if he's giving them nightmares?
86. Terry Bradshaw
Sport: Football
Career: 1970-1983
Reminds Us Of: Hulk Hogan's scrawny brother
On the field, Terry Bradshaw was an intimidating force with his skill set and that menacing black Steelers helmet. Nowadays, Terry is simply the laughingstock of the NFL on FOX with his hair crown and propensity for fumbling words. Can we just get back to the good 'ol days?
85. Gustavo Ayon
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2011-Present
Reminds Us Of: The Crimson Chin
Seven-footers face heavy odds to just look normal with their crazy heights. Unfortunately, Ayon doesn’t do anything to disprove the stereotypes. The problem lies in that jaw that makes him look like a certain cartoon character.
84. Ryan Kelly
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2009-2012
Reminds Us Of: The ugly kid next door
It’s hard to pinpoint what makes Kelly so ugly. Is it that goofy looking chin? What about how he doesn’t have an upper lip? Do we just think every Dukie is ugly as fuck? Whatever our reasoning, Kelly’s got a couple things going for him: his jumper and he’s dating former NFL coach Bill Cowher’s hot daughter, Lindsay. Just don’t look in the mirror.
83. Brian Scalabrine
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2001-Present
Reminds Us Of: Jackie Moon
The White Mamba is something of a folk hero in New England. His everyman looks, and ability for that matter, endeared him to fans. That’s great because with a body like that he’s not going to get any work for his looks.
82. Cherokee Parks
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1995-2004
Reminds Us Of: Birdman's older, uglier brother.
Cherokee Parks was like Birdman before Birdman. Minus child porn accusations (at least the public ones) and the badassness (that came before those child porn accusations). He had the tats, spiked hair and that awkward white boy quality to him despite being part Native American. Oh yeah, and he went to Duke. Doesn't get much uglier than that, does it?
81. E.J. Henderson
Sport: Football
Career: 2003-Present
Reminds Us Of: The lost member of Brick Squad
Here's a quote from the web page titled "E.J. Henderson's Girlfriend" (yes, such a site exists): "He's beautiful anyone who thinks hes ugly better look at them selves in the mirror hes perfect!urthe one whos ugly on the inside judging him!stay beautiful!" Did we mention dude's last contract was worth over $25 million? *cues the soundtrack*
80. Ron Robinson
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1984-1992
Reminds Us Of: Brian Posehn
OK. This has to be on purpose. Robinson was once a pitch away from a perfect game and he's a chromosome away from being human.
79. Shaun White
Sport: Snowboarding
Career: 2006-Present
Reminds Us Of: Carrot Top
Teenage girls love the “flow” and his “steeze,” but take a good look at Shaun. OK, we’re sorry you had to look so long. Somehow he allegedly hooked up with super model Bar Rafaeli over Memorial Day weekend. Lord knows it wasn’t for his looks. #keepit100
78. Scottie Pippen
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1987-2004
Reminds Us Of: Osama bin Laden
Tell us we're lying. #nuffsaid #goddontlikeugly
77. Pascal Leclaire
Sport: Hockey
Career: 2001-2011
Reminds Us Of: A chipmunk
What is it with hockey players? They either have no teeth, or too much teeth. We know you're proud of them chompers dude, but close your mouth, a 747 could fly in there.
76. Charles “Krazy Horse” Bennett
Sport: MMA
Career: 1999-Present
Reminds Us Of: Young Buck's slightly richer cousin
With a smile that only momma could love, Charles "Krazy Horse" Bennett has amassed a pitiful record of 25-26-2 in the Octagon. How he is still competing makes us scratch our heads, which is ironic since that's probably the same reaction of every woman that has ever slept with him. #lice
75. Scott Gemmill
Sport: Soccer
Career: 2003-2011
Reminds Us Of: Why you should never, ever, EVER kiss your cousins
If we ever do a smartest athlete list, Gemmill will be in contention for the top spot. Not only was he good enough to play for a club team as a 16-year-old, but he was smart enough to shave off his red hair. If only he could talk to some of the other guys on this list.
74. Dominic Adiyiah
Sport: Soccer
Career: 2008-Present
Reminds Us Of: Stephen A. Smith
Adiyiah seems like he knows what the deal is here. He has tried a few different hairstyles to cover up the obvious, but they haven’t worked out too well. That sloping forehead makes him look like ESPN’s annoying AF commentator.
73. Marco Palacios
Sport: Soccer
Career: 2004-Present
Reminds Us Of: Why you shouldn't shave your forehead (it grows back thicker)
Logically, our man Marco has a good thing going with that hairline that is damn near connected to his eyebrows. We make fun of LeBron and other athletes when their hairlines go the other direction. Unfortunately, he looks like some kind of human porcupine.
72. Drew Gooden
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2002-Present
Reminds Us Of: Star Wars
It's not that Drew Gooden is facially ugly. It's that damn head. And you should know how we feel about hideous domes.
71. Nick Van Exel
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1993-2006
Reminds Us Of: Montel Williams
Nick Van Exel was known for his clutch threes and flashy guard play throughout his career but fans also remember him for that ginormous dome and pencil-thin mustache. He was kind of like a preview to those NBA "Big Heads" commercials.
70. Atari Bigby
Sport: Football
Career: 2005-2011
Reminds Us Of: 2 Chainz x Beetlejuice from the Howard Stern Show
One bit of knowledge that Uncle Ben didn't impart on Peter Parker is that "with a cool ass name comes great responsibility." And with a legendary name like Atari, this Chargers safety just doesn't do the name justice with that ugly grill. Couldn't he just change his name to Dreamcast Bigby or something?
69. Reggie Evans
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2002-Present
Reminds Us Of: Goon #3
We're going to be careful here because Reggie looks like he could take our lunch money without breaking a sweat. He's a throwback who should've played in the '80s. All he does is rebound mercilessly and use up his six fouls like nobody's business. Reggie plays the block on his spare time losing dice games and never paying up.
68. DJ Mbenga
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2004-Present
Reminds Us Of: Goonies Sloth
Here is a classic case of not knowing the truth. Mbenga is feeling himself a little too much for someone so ugly and especially a career benchwarmer. When he had that blonde hairdo, he was like a homeless man’s Dennis Rodman.
67. Greg Oden
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2007-Present
Reminds Us Of: LeBron James' grandfather
He looks like a 48-year-old man who just so happens to be slightly grotesque. There's not a lot going for Oden, let's just leave it at that.
66. Atila Kasac
Sport: Soccer
Career: 1985-1997
Reminds Us Of: Fabio's inbred cousin
Lessee here, you name your son after one of the most barbaric warriors in human history, and you expect him to grow up pretty? #parentingfail
65. Cesar Delgado
Sport: Soccer
Career: 2001-Present
Reminds Us Of: Bruno
Back when Anthony Davis' unibrow was still coming in, Cesar Degaldo was rocking the unsightly hair strip all over soccer pitches throughout South America and Europe. Bow down, brother pay homage. *Jigga voice*
64. Peter Beardsley
Sport: Soccer
Career: 1979-1999
Reminds Us Of: Pete Rose
For being “The Beautiful Game,” soccer sure does have some memorable faces. There isn’t one terrible feature to Beardsley’s face, but that’s what makes it so bad. He’s got that everyman look that you’ll be seeing in your nightmares. Three, four, better lock your door.
63. Terry Hurlock
Sport: Soccer
Career: 1980-1996
Reminds Us Of: Slash
Terry doesn’t look like much of an athlete does he? He didn’t need to be as his role was one of the best tacklers to ever play. Maybe that explains that crooked nose. *Runs*
62. Bartolo Colon
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1997-Present
Reminds Us Of: A Dominican John Daly
After faking his death, Andre the Giant forged a birth certificate in the Dominican Republic and began pursuing a career in pitching.
61. Gordan Cowans
Sport: Soccer
Career: 1976-1997
Reminds Us Of: The before pictures at your rhinoplasty surgeon's office
Don’t take this guy lightly: he’s got the Holy Grail of Schnozzles. It’s wider than the Brooklyn Bridge. At the same time, though, he must get oxygen by the ton. Function over form it is.
60. Iain Dowie
Sport: Soccer
Career: 1983-2001
Reminds Us Of: Sloth from The Goonies
That shocked look on Dowie’s face is probably the first time he looked in the mirror. “My nose, my face, man them shits is yikes.” A terrible diss verse that matches an ugly face.
59. Trifon Ivanov
Sport: Soccer
Career: 1983-2001
Reminds Us Of: Why it's best to get a good night's sleep
As bad as they look, Ivanov is actually doing us all a favor with the beard and long hair because they cover up more of that ugly dome. With all that hair, he’s coming straight out of the Stone Ages. Evolution isn’t for everybody.
58. German "Mono" Burgos
Sport: Soccer
Career: 1989-2004
Reminds Us Of: Steve Perry's replacement in Journey
And in goal, a soccer mom! Actually it’s Burgos, whose nickname means monkey in Spanish. That’s some hard love from his fellow Argentines, but they do have a point with that haircut.
57. Carlos Tevez
Sport: Soccer
Career: 2001-Present
Reminds Us Of: Blanka
You know those people you see out on the streets and you cannot believe that the girl is actually with that guy. Well, Carlos Tevez is definitely one of those people. From his squished head to that weird rogue tooth (his neck scar doesn't count, as he received that after being scalded as a child), Tevez is dating the women of your dreams while looking like he does. Sometimes, the world ain't so fair.
56. Ken Daneyko
Sport: Hockey
Career: 1983-2003
Reminds Us Of: A moonshine salesman
Yet another hockey smile and playoff beard combo. Daneyko stands out, however, because he looks like he’s starved for food and about to attack. Even if he wasn’t in uniform, the priest from Seinfeld would still be screaming “El Diablo.”
55. Bobby Holik
Sport: Hockey
Career: 1987-2009
Reminds Us Of: A bouncer you do not want to fuck with
"Why yes, that is a fake ID. I'm also trying to sneak a fifth into the club, and...yeah, I'll just go home now."
54. Mike Ricci
Sport: Hockey
Career: 1990-2007
Reminds Us Of: Charles Manson
Ricci won a Stanley Cup with Colorado in 1996, notching 17 points in the Avs' championship run. This was all the more impressive because Ricci isn't eligible for parole until 2027.
53. Jorge Cantu
Sport: Baseball
Career: 2004-2011
Reminds Us Of: A burn victim
"Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold.
52. Chauncey Billups
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1997-present
Reminds Us Of: Diddy x Sam Cassell
The leader of the 2004 champion Detroit Pistons, Chauncey "Mr. Big Shot" Billups is known for knocking down clutch shots in some of the toughest situations on the hardwood. With the kind of money he's making for what he does, one would think that he could fix those teeth that make him look like Arsenio Hall.
51. Terrell Suggs
Sport: Football
Career: 2003-Present
Reminds Us Of: Hungry Hungry Hippos
AFC quarterbacks can finally sleep at night knowing that Suggs’ ugly mug won’t be coming anywhere near them after he tore his Achilles tendon in the offseason. It’s no wonder he gets so many sacks. The QBs are temporarily paralyzed when they see his face.
50. Ray Nitschke
Sport: Football
Career: 1958-1972
Reminds Us Of: A bowling ball
Ray Nitschke was a man's man back when guys knew how to change their own oil and fix a leaking sink. Back then, it wasn't about GQ covers and plowing Kardashians. Obviously.
49. Russ Grimm
Sport: Football
Career: 1981-1991
Reminds Us Of: Jabba the Hut
Grimm was a member of the Washington Redskins' famed offensive line of the 1980s, affectionately nicknamed the Hogs. Of course the moniker wasn't entirely anthropomorphically correct, since pigs do in fact have necks.
48. Luke Harangody
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2010-Present
Reminds Us Of: An eraser
Dude’s eyes are just too close, and his hair going six inches into the sky doesn’t change the fact that he’s an undersized 6’7” power forward. Facts are facts, Luke.
47. Marko Jaric
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2002-2009
Reminds Us Of: A beady-eyed jackass (yeah, we're haters)
Marko may or may not be cross eyed, but we can’t hate too hard on the man. Despite his looks he wifed up Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima. *Stares at nose with fingers crossed for eternity*
46. Eric Williams
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1995-2007
Reminds Us Of: Omar Little
The biggest thing that stands out about Eric Williams is not the fact that he played for seven teams over his 12-year NBA career, or that he averaged 8.6 points and 3.3 rebounds during his playing days as a power forward, or the fact that he got publicly embarrassed at a divorce party his ex-wife threw. It's that big ass speed bump on the front of his head that we all recognize Eric for.
45. Dirk Nowitzki
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1998-Present
Reminds Us Of: Bilbo Baggins
The sweet shooting German has a lot going for him. He's tall, got game for days, and is a proven winner. Now if only he didn't look like Bumble from Yo Gabba Gabba.
44. Byron Mullens
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2009-Present
Reminds Us Of: What happens when you put a human head in a vice
Russell Brand’s goofy little brother rocked the arched brows and menacing smile before Anthony Davis made it trendy.
43. Calvin Booth
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1999-Present
Reminds Us Of: Gummo
Calvin has a 5'5" head on a 6'11" body. He really wasn't that good of a player, but he was good at being made fun of. He resembles some sort of mutation made possible by a freak nuclear accident. We'd be surprised if he were able to talk in coherent sentences.
42. Alex Ovechkin
Sport: Hockey
Career: 2005-Present
Reminds Us Of: Sloth from The Goonies
Description: When your arch-nemesis is Sidney Crosby and you look like that, you better have some game. We get it, hockey players are tough, but there are dentists out there clawing at the walls looking at this dude.
41. Paul Mokeski
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1979-1991
Reminds Us Of: Kenny Powers' weirder, uglier older brother
Before you go complaining about David Stern's NBA tenure, take a moment to acknowledge the good things he's done for the league. For instance, did you know that before Stern became commissioner in 1984, there was a "Plumber Quota," wherein each team was forced to play at least one local plumber? Rigging the lottery doesn't seem so bad now, does it?
40. Lorenzo Mata
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2004-2008
Reminds Us Of: A troll
Remember the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Did Splinter have a long lost song named Lorenzo? And yes, we called him a troll, but he has this, and we don't.
39. Yogi Berra
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1946-1965
Reminds Us Of: The Short Bus
Baseball great, wordsmith, and potentially had an extra chromosome. The world should appreciate the fact that he didn't show his face on the diamond.
38. Frank Gerwer
Sport: Skateboarding
Career:
Reminds Us Of: Ichabod Crane
Frank Gerwer is credited in some circles as being the first skateboarder to kick flip some impressive obstacles. Cool. But he also looks like the ominous IT guy at your office who you always try to avoid in the break room.
37. Robert Swift
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2004-2009
Reminds Us Of: Crystal meth
Here at Complex we root for the redheads. They’re the ultimate underdogs, really. But Swift hurts our souls. The mop-top and the tattoos combine to make us run the other direction.
36. Otis Nixon
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1983-1999
Reminds Us Of: Jeepers Creepers
The leather-throwing outfielder looks a lot like 50 Cent. If 50 Cent were 70 years old and anorexic.
35. Joakim Noah
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2007-Present
Reminds Us Of: Rick Gonzalez aka Timo in Coach Carter
If you can’t tell from the pictures, Joakim gives zero fucks about what he looks like. From the bow tie/peace sign combo when he got drafted to the raggedy pony tail, he’s OK with looking foolish because his girlfriend makes up for it.
34. Rod Beck
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1991-2004
Reminds Us Of: A fat Billy Ray Cyrus
If you have ever seen that Gillette ProGlide commercial, you should know the importance of some quality facial hair. By always rocking a handlebar mustache, Rod Beck definitely became a recognizable persona, especially with the San Francisco Giants during his golden years of 1994-95. Following his sudden death in 2007, Beck was buried with two things: his Cubs jersey and his mustache. #rip
33. Andy Etchebarren
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1962-1978
Reminds Us Of: Adam Carolla
The two time All-Star hit 49 career home runs with a chin made of pizza dough and eye brows like a Saudi dictator.
32. Don Lock
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1962-1969
Reminds Us Of: The Muppets' Beaker
Too much chin, too much ears, not enough contact hitting. In a 7-year big league career, Lock hit 122 home runs on just a .238 average. After his playing days were through, he sold ad space on various parts of his head and face.
31. Zane Smith
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1984-1996
Reminds Us Of: A 7-Eleven clerk in Winston-Salem
Smith had a respectable big league career, pitching 11-plus seasons in the majors, for five different teams. His best year was in 1987, when he won 15 games for the Braves, in a season in which the team only won 69. That's very impressive for any pitcher, but it's particularly impressive for one born without a chin.
30. Lenny Dykstra
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1985-1997
Reminds Us Of: Willow on coke
Lenny looks and talks like he did one too many rails. Why anyone would trust him with their money is beyond us. He has an aura of doing lines off of silicon-laced boobs and pissing in public places for the fuck of it. Blame it on the 'roids.
29. Gino Odjick
Sport: Hockey
Career: 1990-2002
Reminds Us Of: The reason we don't play hockey
*Sighs* Oh, Canada, haven’t you all learned what generations of hockey players does to the gene pool? That crooked smile is actually crooked. It’s not just Gino trying to pick up the popcorn girl. On second thought, it might be.
28. John Kruk
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1986-1995
Reminds Us Of: Chris Farley
John Kruk's mullet should have its own list. Little known fact: "Eastbound and Down" was loosely based on his life. Is it a surprise that he's a West Virginia native? He ate a powdered donut before every at-bat. Talk about superstitious.
27. Floyd Mayweather Sr.
Sport: Boxing
Career: 1974-1990
Reminds Us Of: The Predator
Floyd Mayweather, Sr. is the father of loud-mouth boxer "Pretty Boy Floyd." The trash-talking is pretty much where the similarities stop though. Sr. didn't see the success that his son has and we hope he didn't have the audacity to call himself "pretty." In old age he's gone the Jerry Rice circa early 2000s "I'm still trying with all my might to hold onto my locks no matter what" look. C'mon, pops!
26. George Foster
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1969-1986
Reminds Us Of: Ray Charles
While owner of the Reds, Marge Schott used to walk her dog on the field. A steaming pile of dog shit was the second most disconcerting sight at Riverfront Stadium.
25. Willie McGee
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1982-1999
Reminds Us Of: A stoned Ron Washington...Oh, wait
The Cardinals outfielder led an extraordinarily productive career considering a debilitating medical condition that caused his Adam’s apple to stick out further than his nose.
24. Randy Johnson
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1988-2009
Reminds Us Of: Meth addict
If Randy's mullet won't destroy you, his face will. His voice matched his looks too. When he spoke little kids ran to their mamas. Right after he cooked opponents on the mound, he cooked meth in the clubhouse. No bullshit. He also liked to kill birds with baseballs. Just a vile organism not meant for this world.
23. Dennis Rodman
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1986-2000
Reminds Us Of: No one
Multicolored hair paired with crazy tats and piercings still can't hide that ugly. Rodman made drag queens look good.
22. Marquis Daniels
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2003-Present
Reminds Us Of: Lil Wayne
Lil Wayne claims to be an alien, but really it’s Daniels. Those big eyes just aren’t human and his head looks like something Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones would be fighting on the big screen.
21. Don Mossi
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1954-1965
Reminds Us Of: Preparation H. Raymond
Don Mossi was a decent relief pitcher in his day and rumor has it he could hear a pin drop from space. Mossi was and is an inspiration to ugly folks everywhere. Historian Bill James called him "the ugly man's hero" and that Don was the "complete, five-tool ugly player." He looks like an alien in a rubber human suit.
20. Popeye Jones
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1993-2004
Reminds Us Of: Shrek
Shrek was reincarnated into an African-American power forward who sucked. Nate Robinson is somewhere itching to be Donkey.
19. Carles Puyol
Sport: Soccer
Career: 1996-Present
Reminds Us Of: Sheep Dog
If he learns to bark and takes acting classes he'll land the lead in Marley and Me 2: It's Sheepin' Time.
18. Ha Seung-Jin
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2004-2006
Reminds Us Of: The Korean Sloth
God don't like ugly and the NBA don't like bad; unfortunately Ha Seung-Jin was both, which explains his very, very brief (two years, 46 total games played) NBA career and the fact that everything he looks at breaks. (Only the basketball portion of the previous statement has been fact-checked.)
17. Yoshihiro Takayama
Sport: MMA
Career: 2001-2002
Reminds Us Of: The shit you see in your nightmares
This is your ugly mug. This is your ugly mug after a mere two years of MMA pummeling. #nottobefuckedwith
16. Leon Spinks
Sport: Boxing
Career: 1977-1995
Reminds Us Of: Goal Post
Spinks has less teeth in his mouth than Blue Ivy and an underbite that nearly engulfs the rest of his head. Only boxer ever to pummel a guy and still look worse after.
15. Anthony Davis
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2011-Present
Reminds Us Of: Bert of "Bert & Ernie"
Ridiculous Unibrow? Check. Jacked up grill? Check. Future millionaire thats probably smashing a groupie right now? Triple Check.
14. Nikolai Valuev
Sport: Boxing
Career: 1993-2009
Reminds Us Of: Dried out Playdough
Yet another Russian science experiment gone terribly wrong.
13. Eziquel Astacio
Sport: Baseball
Career: 2005-2006
Reminds Us Of: Hellraiser
Everything is bigger in Texas—insects, portion size, and, especially, bulbous facial growths.
12. Ivan Campo
Sport: Soccer
Career: 1993-2010
Reminds Us Of: Otto the Bus Driver
Campo had a nearly 20-year career as a defender and midfielder in Spain and England, playing for Real Madrid and Bolton, among other teams. He also played for Spain in the 1998 World Cup and duuuuuuuude Bartman, we totally forgot where the rest of this blurb was going.
11. Chris Bosh
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2003-Present
Reminds Us Of: Velociraptor
He's not missing the Olympics to rehab, him and Stern are orchestrating their secret plan to bring back the dinosaurs!
10. Marshawn Lynch
Sport: Football
Career: 2007-Present
Reminds Us Of: The Geico Caveman
As much as we’d love to explain what makes Marshawn look so terrifying, there really is only one man qualified to describe him: Pusha T. “Yuck.”
9. Tyrone Hill
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1990-2003
Reminds Us Of: The Crypt Keeper
Tyrone Hill was a serviceable rotational big in the NBA over the course of his 15-year career, with averages of 8.6 rebounds and 9.4 points. He put up these decent numbers while playing for the Cavaliers, Warriors, Bucks, Sixers, and Heat, probably because they needed his talents in their rotation, or it could have been that they could only deal with a teammate that looks like the Crypt Keeper in their locker rooms for so long.
8. Chris Kaman
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2003-Present
Reminds Us Of: The sex offender who lives across the street.
The picture speaks for itself and this dude stays strapped so we're going to leave it at that.
7. Gheorghe Muresan
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1993-2000
Reminds Us Of: That tall weird looking kid in school
91 inches of third world ugly. How did Billy Crystal look at that for two hours? Oh that's right, he was on like knee level.
6. Ronaldinho
Sport: Soccer
Career: 1998-Present
Reminds Us Of: Pele and Michael Jackson's Love Child
For a guy with such a pretty game, Ronaldinho's face sure as hell didn't get the memo. He's wowed the soccer world for home country Brazil and clubs Barcelona and AC Milan but that trademark "I probably shouldn't smile" smile has been there throughout. We see what you were thinking rockin' the long hair to keep the attention off the jacked up grill, but let's be honest man, that grill is really jacked up.
6. Pascual Perez
Sport: Baseball
Career: 1980-1991
Reminds Us Of: The long lost member of N.W.A.
Pascual Perez was an All-Star and once threw a rain-shortened five-inning no-hitter. He also had to grow out some mean Jheri curls to obscure his mean mug. Which, as diversionary beauty tactics go, is like bombing the forest to save the trees.
4. Joel Anthony
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2007-Present
Reminds Us Of: The black Soda Popinski
Yeah, yeah he got a ring this year along with Bron Bron & Co. but that still doesn't take away from the fact that Joel Anthony is ugly as sin. If you thought Canada produced nothing but heartthrobs like Biebs and Drizzy, you're wrong. Anthony hails from Quebec and made it to the NBA because of his "intimidating presence" in the paint. That's broadcaster speak for a frightening mug.
3. Shelden Williams
Sport: Basketball
Career: 2006-Present
Reminds Us Of: Frankenstein
This dude is married to Candace Parker. Yes, ridiculously fine and ridiculously paid WNBA superstar Candace Parker. Despite having one of the ugliest domes in sports history, and riding the pine for a variety of NBA teams throughout his career, Mr. Williams still goes home to this every night. Now excuse us while we try to figure out where things in our life went terribly wrong.
2. Sam Cassell
Sport: Basketball
Career: 1993-2008
Reminds Us Of: E.T.
According to his NBA.com bio and Wikipedia, Sam Cassell was born in Baltimore, MD in 1969. But we're not so sure. Looking at that shiny bald head of his, we think he grew up on Reese's Pieces in Drew Barrymore's closet. Phone home!
1. Paul and Pat McQuistan
Sport: Football
Career: 2006-Present
Reminds Us Of: Deliverance
Paul McQuistan is a veteran offensive lineman out of Oregon via that football powerhouse, Weber State. His twin brother Pat is a veteran offensive lineman out of Oregon who also attended Weber State. Yes, they have been seen in the same room together, so there are in fact two of them. And yes, you are goddamned glad not to have been in that room with them.