Image via Complex Original
Today, Eminem's much-anticipated album MMLP2 finally sees its official release, serving as the follow-up to his Grammy award-winning record, Recovery, and the sequel to his critically-acclaimed, sophomore release, The Marshall Mathers LP. Early reviews have been rolling in, with most critics hailing it as Em's best album in years, and with the fanbase that the 8 Mile MC has amassed over the years, commercial success seems like a foregone conclusion.
Streaming on iTunes this past weekend, Eminem gave his fans a chance to hear the record ahead of its drop date, so we, like everyone else, decided to have a listen. And since we're all about sports over here, we had our ears tuned in for every time the Detroit native dropped some lines about his hometown Lions, Tigers, Red Wings or Pistons—along with a boatload of other shout-outs in between. After getting through the album a couple times, we came up with this Complete Guide to Eminem's Lyrical References to Sports on MMLP2.
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"Better back away from the front row, get Ron, chop yo arm/Bigger than Dikembe Mutombo on the f****** JumboTron"
Song: "Groundhog Day"
In terms of lyrical capability, Eminem is most definitely the Dikembe Mutombo of the rap game. If you try and go up against him, you're more than likely to get completely shut down. And much like Mutombo—who was blocking shots well into his 40s—age has had no effect on Em's abilities.
"Promisin' complete dominance/Sugar Ray Robinson/I'm in the league Muhammad's in/Ali's my colleague/Bombing 'em/Probably end up on top of them/Stomping them like Ndamukong/I'm rushing like a Ukranian LaDainian Tomlinson"
Song: "Groundhog Day"
"Groundhog Day" is one of the best examples of Em's technical prowess on the entire album and, somehow, it got relegated to bonus track status. On this series of lines, the Detroit MC releases a flurry of sports-related punchlines—including one shout-out to defensive lineman, Ndamukong Suh, of his hometown Detroit Lions. Suh has been fined for over $200,000 in his short four seasons in the league.
"I barely ducked and that's right when she came up with a kick to the nuts twice/Steel toe, girl probably coulda put a 100-yard field goal, through the uprights"
Song: Desperation
If a 100-yard field goal is really in the cards for this girl, then we know more than a few NFL teams that are in the market for a reliable kicker right now. You have to figure that she would at least get a tryout, right?
"Never seen no ass as large as yours, how much that cost?/That's what I call a Roethlissplurge"
Song: "Desperation"
It's pretty fitting that Pittsburgh Steelers QB, Ben Roethlisberger, would get brought up in a song called "Desperation." After repeated allegations of sexual assault in 2009 and 2010, the word "desperate" only begins to describe the guy. In certain ways, Roethlisberger actually typifies the exact sort of characters that Em is often parodying.
"Nobody's crazy as Shady in an 80 million mile radius/I'm what Tom Brady is to the Patriots to rap"
Song: "Baby"
Tom Brady getting a shout-out from Eminem might seem random, but keep in mind that Brady played at the University of Michigan during his playing days. Maybe Em just wants to acknowledge the Mitten State connection? It definitely doesn't hurt that the two of them are some of the best to ever do it in their respective fields. Oh yeah, the last time the Pats missed the playoffs was back in 2008 when Brady suffered a knee injury that kept him on the bench.
"Sugar Ray Leonard wouldn't sugar coat a f****** booger though/Just to wipe that b**** on a hooker's coat"
Song: "Baby"
It's hard to figure out why Eminem is giving the nod to Sugar Ray Leonard for booger etiquette. Sugar Ray was known for quick hands, fancy footwork, and some unforgettable bouts throughout the course of his career. But nose-picking? We must've missed that detail.
"I done quit chicken heads cold turkey and started slowly roasting 'em/Cause that's where most of my anger is based/F*** your feelings, I feel like I play for the Saints"
Song: "Evil Twin"
Coming from the man who once played the devil's advocate in "Guilty Conscience," claiming to play for the Saints might seem unbelievable. Honestly, though, that version of Eminem probably would've been more than welcome on the Gregg Williams-era Saints. "Kill the f***ing head" could've easily been confused for a lyric from the Slim Shady LP.
"And that was only the first date, coulda made it to home plate/But you slid straight for the dome and dove face first/No, you don't understand I don't do this for/Anyone ever/Yeah that ain't what they all say/I'll say it, you can suck a softball through a straw/Used to be my fiance"
Song: "Love Game"
You've never heard the home plate metaphor used like this before. In all of Eminem's outrageous moments, playing the part of a woman giving him dome might be the most ridiculous of them all. Girls never do anything until they do it with you, at least that's what they say.
"I get to meet famous people, look at her, dag/Her nylons are ran, her skirt's snaggged/And I heard she drag-races-*burp*-swag/F***ing my Hanes shirt tag/You're Danica Patrick (yeah) work, skag/We'd be the perfect match/Cause you're a vacuum, I'm a dirtbag"
Song: "So Far..."
Even for someone as crazy as Eminem, it's doubtful that any interaction he may've had with Danica Patrick actually went down the way he describes it here. Is it possible that Marshall tried to work some game on the GoDaddy girl? Sure. But we're going to guess that he had a better pick-up line than, "You're a vacuum. I'm a dirtbag."
"The way I'm racing around the track, call me NASCAR, NASCAR/Dale Earnhardt of the trailer park, the white trash god"
Song: "Rap God"
Em is one of the greats and so is No. 3. Both showed fearlessness in their lines of work and both sustained a run of success few can relate to. Earnhardt raced his way to seven NASCAR Winston Cup Championships before his death in 2001. Eminem has sold an estimated 220 million records. Earnhardt and Slim are indeed gods.
"It's poetry in motion/Like Freddie Roach when he's quotin'/Shakespeare"
Song: "Asshole"
Trainer extraordnaire, Freddie Roach, has been fighting Parkinson's Disease for a while, so he doing anything would be a shaky situation according to Eminem. He was also in Pacquiao's corner when Pacman got his jaw shook that one infamous night. More on that later.
"It's payback, Russell Wilson falling way back/In the draft, turn nothing into something, still can make that"
Song: "The Monster"
It's been a crazy year-and-a-half for Russell Wilson since getting drafted by the Seahawks in the 2012 NFL Draft. Not only did he lead Seattle to the playoffs in his first year at the helm, but he also has the 'Hawks sitting at 8-1 this season, atop the NFC West. Oh, and don't forget the numerous endorsements he's picked up along the way, including one for Madden NFL. Now, the dude is so good, that he's got Slim Shady taking notice. Not a bad start to a career for a guy who was picked up in the third round.
"To just come and shoot ya like when Fabolous made Ray J mad/cause Fab said he looked like a f** at Mayweather's pad/singin' to a man while they played piano"
Song: "Rap God"
Em pulled out the throwback beef by dusting off the Fabolous/Ray J feud from 2011. For anyone who is unfamiliar, though, it all started when HBO aired a clip of Ray J playing his song, "One Wish," at Floyd Mayweather's mansion. In response to the segment, Fabolous threw a shot at the two on Twitter. To this day, the beef has yet to be completely squashed.
"You're gonna have to beat the f***** pants off me/To take my belt, word to Pacquiao"
Song: "Asshole"
Of couse, Eminem is referring to the Juan Manuel Marquez knockout that turned Manny Pacquiao into joke fodder last year. Pacquiao'ing Eminem is probably going to be near impossible if we're talking about rapping. A physical knockout, maybe, but why would you want to try to? Don't front like "Ass Like That" isn't the greatest thing ever.
"Now who's a f*****, you punk?/And here's your Bronco hat, you can have that s*** back 'cause they suck"
Song: "Bad Guy"
In the sequel to "Stan" off The Marshall Mathers LP, Stanley's little brother, Matthew Mitchell, vents to Em about the rapper indirectly causing the death of his older brother. Mitchell gives back the Starter cap that Em signed and proclaimed his distaste for the Denver squad. Either Mitchell has been so obssessed with Eminem that he's neglected to watch any football since 2010 or he's just completely delirious since the Broncos are coming off two staright division titles and are 7-1 this season.