Image via Complex Original
We're not shedding any crocodile tears. These guys make millions, retire in their thirties, and marry supermodels.They envy no one (with the possible exception of Jonah Falcon). They are beneficiaries of a society with some pretty odd priorities.
But with that position of public prestige, pro athletes are also exposed to a plethora of off the wall criticisms ranging from: unrealistic expectations, widespread contempt for being human, and clingy, vicarious fans with absolutely no lives. Have you ever listened to sports radio? The callers rarely ever seem to make a valid point. Often seem like they're venting personal frustrations. And almost always seem desperate for some--any kind of human contact.
Today we've rounded up 20 common gripes aired by fan bases that don't seem that terrible to us. Sometimes when you sit around and think about something for a minute, you realize "Eh, I guess that's not that big of a deal." Look no further then that NFC Championship Game/Richard Sherman "controversy," for a recent example. If that didn't make you question the tightness of the public's collective ass, then you may not like this list. In addition to that, here are 17 other Things Sports Fans Need to Stop Criticizing Athletes For.
Trash Talking
Let's just start off with Richard Sherman since we already mentioned him. Just to remind everyone, he shutdown Michael Crabtree in the NFC Championship Game, then afterward told Erin Andrews that the 49ers wideout is a "Sorry receiver." Knee-jerk reactions were harsh because how dare somebody in sports try to be entertaining. It's not like we watch the NFL Playoffs to be amused.
To sum up our position here it is: Trash talk adds context. Context makes match-ups interesting. Pro wrestling has been riding this formula for decades. Without any storylines it's just overpaid millionaires playing a kids game with no background. We've always thought it was crazy that vitriolic people on the internet (who say way worse than the target of their scorn) constantly screech about "professionalism." Who the hell defined "professionalism" anyway? And why is it only used against people with public jobs?
Not mirroring the body language that rabid fans want.
Derek Anderson was questioned about his apparent joy after being on the business end of the 49er nut stomping pictured above. In the postgame presser, a reporter asked Anderson about the "incident," on behalf of fans who need visible disdain to reinforce passion. Anderson used the question as an opportunity to flip the tables on his questioner and feign outrage over the very thought. But it would've been refreshing, if only for one time, to see an athlete say "I don't know dude. I don't really care. It's just a game. We're 3-8. Get any idea of us hoisting the Lombardi out of your mind. I mean--fuck--we have Derek Anderson as our quarterback. What did you--or the fans--honestly expect?"
Taking pictures of their penises.
It was not easy to find a picture for this one. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the journey. Yeah, that's right...it wasn't so bad and neither is the fact that athletes aren't impervious to the same naivete that makes people believe nude pics of themselves couldn't possibly come back to hurt them in some way. Everything is photographed and posted onto the internet. From: shameless selfies, to national monuments, to Brett Favre's grizzled dick (no link for that one).
It's the new reality, so you'd might as well get used to enjoy it
Violating "Unwritten Rules"
It always seemed funny that people who have a problem with players cadillacing to first base see nothing wrong with the game policing itself via 95 MPH fastballs at the offender's head. According to scientists that can "Seriously fuck you up." Besides, this falls into the same "sports as entertainment" category that we were referencing in our Richard Sherman slide.
And don't even get us started about not running up the score.
Smoking Pot
We have no problem with hating on an athlete for committing a serious crime. And we're even fine if you don't opt to forgive them. After all, there's plenty of athletes who haven't committed felonies (more on that as a second). But as any snooty Libertarian comment section will tell you: pot ain't that big of a deal.
At this moment, Josh Gordon (2013's NFL receiving yardage leader) is facing a season long suspension for smoking marijuana, as it's his second failed drug test. That's significantly longer than: Ben Roethlisberger, Pac Man Jones' second offense (altercation with a bodyguard), and anybody in the league who's ever gotten a DUI. This means that the NFL has sent an invaluable lesson, that if you're going to break the law it's far better to risk the property and lives of everybody on the road than it is to smoke weed in the privacy of your own home.
Cheating on their significant others.
Okay, this is probably where we lose half the audience (if we didn't already with the penis slide), but every time A-Rod or Tiger or Paul Lo Duca get front page press coverage for "cheating" we don't collectively gasp, and then faint, like Sheila Broflovski. We've never understood why people worry about the lives of others or, why people aren't truthful to themselves about the realities of being rich and famous. Especially when you have a chance to make up for a childhood as a dork. Let's be honest for a moment. Here is Tiger Woods. Here are his mistresses. If "When in Rome," didn't apply in that instance, then when the hell would it ever?
Not sufficiently apologizing.
There's no point in forcing people to make apologies. Is it for the kids, or what? Because the kid in the above picture doesn't seem to give a shit. Which puts him on par with us.
Leaving college after a year.
The trend has become so common that nobody batted an eye when Andrew Wiggins, Jabari Parker, Joel Embiid or Julius Randle all jumped ship. It was expected. And it should be. If ever you have to deal with a person who says "They should stay in school and get their degree." Ask them why they should take a foreign language requirement, a bunch of pointless gen-eds, and then a stupid class on 18th Century Monarchies so they can have the tools to apply for a $30K a year entry level job? Every year they stay in school, aging takes away their earning power. That can leave very quickly and doesn't come back. The degree will we waiting if/when they want to return.
And then if you want end the conversation/friendship with "So, uh, you'll be shutting up then, right?"
Not signing autographs, especially for man children.
Those two pictures above tie for the most pathetic thing we've ever seen. Congrats to this guy, he's off the hook after a very impressive run. This one doesn't really need explanation does it? If it does, just imagine yourself going to the supermarket, buying some chili, when a grown wearing your jersey approaches to ask "Hey (Guy) will you sign this?" and points to his/your jersey. Reluctantly you do it, but now there's a crowd. You indulge all of them, and take a few pictures. This is the sixth time this month this has happened.
Later, when you're buying some toilet paper, a couple kids who missed the earlier frenzy come up to you with the same request, but now you're in a hurry so you say "Sorry guys, I really got to run." They're pissed and their parents even more so. One of their dads rattles off a rant on a message board. Congrats, now the whole internet thinks you're an asshole.
Oh, and thanks to that same internet, you're no longer safe at home either.
Not being cheerful enough with the media.
Beyond the constant internet bickering over Ben Roethlisberger and Michael Vick and why you should hate/love them, I've always wondered why nobody mentions how Jay Cutler is almost unanimously derided despite the fact that his only crime is felony eye rolling.
Even more recently, Marshawn Lynch had to have his arm twisted by the NFL brass to say more during Super Bowl Media Day than "I'm about that action, boss." They're football players. They're entertaining on the field. Rarely off. To expect them to master their public relations skills and work a room like a comic is the type of ridiculous thinking that gave us that annual shit heap known as the ESPYs.
Recruits not choosing the school you want them to go to.
The above video is a reaction to this. Cliff Alexander, a consensus top five overall high school basketball player in the 2014 class, choosing the University of Kansas after pretending to initially choose the University of Illinois.
This caused a group full of douchebags (also known as U of I students) to have their day ruined. Though, you wonder what type of day it already was since nobody had anything better to do than watch a teenager make an announcement. At one point somebody yells "What kind of person does that!?" Well, not to use your own words against you, but what kind of person *counts 15 in video* hangs so much emotion on the decision of an 18-year-old? Oh wait, that was answered in the first sentence of this paragraph.
Not Winning Titles
Barry Bonds, Dan Marino, Charles Barkley, Karl Malone, Ken Griffey Jr., 100 other guys. That is a list put together after exactly two seconds of thought of athletes who never topped title mountain ("title mountain" is also the product of two seconds of thought). Their legacies will forever be "stained" due to their failure to bring home a championship. Some think Bill Russell is the GOAT because he won enough championships for both hands and even had one left over for another body part we won't bother to mention (his dick). Even Phil Jackson had an opinion that might surprise you.
But do you even think for a second that five Karl Malones wouldn't win the NBA Finals? Or that nine Ken Griffey Jr.'s wouldn't win a World Series? Or two Barry Bonds'? It's either a team game or it isn't, and if you think winning titles is a requirement for any player worth their salt, you've clearly never seen this picture.
Athletes should "be loyal" for less money.
Oh Yankee fans, you hypocritical *edited*. The collective balls of that Cano-booing stadium above are so large they could teabag Godzilla. Are you really heckling the poaching of homegrown talent? You...? Fans in the Bronx? On the roster right now you got: Jacoby Ellsbury, Mark Teixeira, C.C. Sabathia, Alex Rodriguez, Hiroki Kuroda, Brian McCann and Masahiro Tanaka. That's right off the top of the head. Lets not even go down the list of the past 40 years. You catcalling Cano fleeing for a bigger paycheck is like the KKK hearing that Donald Sterling audio and saying "Whoa! Slow down man. That is too far."
Hanging on well after their primes.
In the NBA or MLB, we completely understand why you'd keep your career going until a team was forced to cut you. After all, probably everybody reading this played sports until a coach (or injury) mandated that it was the end. Whether that was as a preteen, high schooler, college, or even further depends upon your personal story. The NFL is a little different since CTE realities came to light. But eventually there's a cutoff (we'll estimate it at six seasons) where you decide if the adulation, fame, and football are worth the risk of terrible future health problems.
Let's be honest: Jerry Rice, Emmitt Smith...they were well past that. But the fact that there isn't much after football, besides playing golf and waiting for the Grim Reaper, is a probable reason that these guys would prefer to spend their Sundays playing in front of 70,000 cheering fans, instead of watching along with them.
Waffling on Retirement
Another guy well past that point was ol' No. 4. After 20 years, he still wanted to play football. It was amazing to watch the same guy play from preschool through college graduation. But towards the end he just didn't want to do that crap that's intended for rookies. Like "practicing."
It was glaringly obvious during the constant Favre-retirement drama that the Ol' Gunslinger just didn't want to go to training camp. Why did that make anybody (besides Aaron Rodgers) mad? This was not a life or death situation and the constant "Play or don't Brett!" anger that surrounded that soap opera is another criticism we never could quite wrap our heads around.
Not Playing Through Injury
Derrick Rose, Jay Cutler, Frank Thomas...and that's just one city. Some may disagree with this slide but we're sorry, there's some serious irony in a desk jockey who misses work because of the sniffles whining about a player not competing on a badly damaged knee. Walking with a cane isn't worth a chance at a 'W'.
Sure, Ronnie Lott set the bar for "heart" a little high when he gave up a fingertip to get back into the action five weeks quicker. But that's not what we'd call a "gamer," that's...what's the phrase we're looking for?...Oh, right: Fucking insane.
Flaunting Their Wealth
If fans have anyone to be angry at over eight- or nine-figure salaries it's themselves. They're the ones buying tickets to games, merchandise, and contributing to ratings. It's been said millions of times before but these contracts would not be possible without the support of the fans. So, when Floyd Mayweather posts an Instagram video of members of his harem counting more cash than your yearly salary, just think back to the $70 you paid to order his fight last month.
Choking
It's hard to believe that anybody could've possibly handled Bill Buckner's '86 World Series Game Six error more poorly than Red Sox fans. They exiled the guy and then, 22 years later, after winning two titles they accepted him back with open arms. According to this writer, they forgave him after a mere four years. Though that doesn't really impress us. Holding a grudge for four days would still be eyebrow raising. The type of vitriolic response to guys like Buckner make us question both the perspective and sanity of some fans. The phrase "accidents happen" doesn't mean dick when you're doing something as monumentally important as playing baseball.
Thanks Red Sox Nation for showing us that.