Image via Complex Original
What better lead can we have going into this list then the Richie Incognito/Jonathan Martin situation? The "hazing" incident is dominating the NFL media cycle these days, but, it isn't nearly the first such transgression behind the sporting world's closed doors. After all, the locker room is a sacred place where an athlete is allowed to drop his guard, share his inner most feelings, and smile like a madman while getting his bare ass slapped by teammates (we see you, Anthony). Unfortunately, the room is often off-limits. It really makes you wonder about the bullying and blatant homoeroticism that's been covered up since the days of Babe Ruth. Here is a brief history of insane locker room stories. You could probably make dozens of these lists with all of the tales that never got out; but here's a fraction of that which could not be covered up.
Note: We realize that the Penn State football locker rooms were the setting for truly insane behavior. But, it was a style decision to avoid that scandal for this list.
Magic regularly hooked up with groupies in the team sauna after games.
Year(s): The '80s
People involved: Magic Johnson
For Magic Johnson the scoring carried over from the court to the team sauna as it was reported by Jerry West that he was introducing a Little Magic into the uh, lives, of L.A.'s finest groupies prior to postgame interviews. Nothing like taking the edge off before having to answer questions about why you made [blank] pass, and why you took [blank] shot.
Charles Haley: The Last Naked Warrior
Year(s): 1986-1999
People nvolved: Charles Haley
According to author Jeff Pearlman the "Last Naked Warrior," was a nickname that Charles Haley gave himself. If ever there was a story that truly exemplified locker room insanity, this is it. Haley repeatedly whipped out his erection and jerked off inches from the faces of unsuspecting teammates who initially laughed off the trauma. Because, that has to be a joke, right? If you don't get it, it's because you don't get high art.
Eventually it got to a point where he'd pull it out in front of Golden Great Joe Montana and say "You know you want to suck this." He would even bash his candle to ejaculation in team meetings while talking about his teammates wives.
His penis wasn't the only thing he strangled during film sessions as he choked coach George Siefert in a 1991 transgression that finally seemed to alert the brass. In that same year he pissed on the floor of team president Carmen Policy. Add that to the fact that he got into a physical confrontation with Steve Young, finally, causing him to be traded to an unsuspecting locker room of Dallas Cowboys.
While in Texas, Haley questioned a new teammate in the crudest terms possible by saying "You’re from California? You must be a fucking faggot.” At that point Haley whacked off in front of the man to reaffirm his own heterosexuality.
That being said, all of this must not have been that big a deal because San Francisco reclaimed him after five, much needed, seasons away in 'Big D.' If you're a five-time Pro Bowler then people will find a way to make it work. Even if "making it work," means avoiding eye contact for two straight seasons.
The Patriots' HR Nightmare
Year: 1990
People involved: The New England Patriots, TE Zeke Mowatt, Reporter Lisa Olson
You may have noticed in the people involved that we had to put tight end before Zeke Mowatt's name. That's because nobody remembers who the hell Zeke Mowatt is. The most memorable part of his career occurred in September of 1990, when Boston sports reporter Lisa Olson was confronted by a handful of semi-nude Patriots doing their best to get sued for sexual harassment. The boldest of the offenders was, you guessed it tight end Zeke Mowatt.
Mowatt approached Olson butt naked and said "Is this what you want? Do you want to take a bite out of this?" The world of internet porn has lied to you about what happens next. Olson gave up on her interview subject (cornerback Maurice Hurst) and left the premises, leaving the Patriots to, presumably, vent in an orgy of frustrated male sexuality. Olson was then repudiated by Pats owner Victor Kiam II who said he "couldn't disagree with his player's actions," and called Olson "a classic bitch." He then spent over 100 grand apologizing via newspapers. As for Mowatt he was fined roughly 1/37th of his salary, and retired a year later with this stain on an otherwise unremarkable career.
Lou Piniella and Rob Dibble See Red
Year: 1992
People involved: Lou Piniella & Rob Dibble
Sept. 17, 1992, the day that 49-year-old Cincinnati Reds Manager Lou Piniella decided it'd be a good idea to fight his 28-year-old reliever Rob Dibble. The cause of the melee? Dibble claimed that Piniella lied to the media when he said that Dibble told him his shoulder was sore. Piniella reiterated that Dibble indeed told him that his shoulder was sore, stormed out of his office and mindlessly bull charged a man who was 21 years younger and was known for his temper (though, so too was "Sweet Lou.") There was an epilogue. Roughly a year later, Dibble missed the entire season to repair the rotator cuff of the shoulder in dispute.
The Most Memorable Moment of Ryan Leaf's NFL Career
Year: 1998
People involved: Ryan Leaf and reporter Jay Posner
While Peyton Manning was studying film, Ryan Leaf was on the golf course. While Manning's building upon records, Leaf is serving time in Montana. And, as rookies, while Manning was answering questions with the same boring cliches, Leaf was wigging out on reporter Jay Posner after a 1-for-15, four-yard performance in his third career game. It became the most talked about "highlight" (by default) of Leaf's brief career. It also followed a week that Leaf, allegedly, hucked a ball at the same reporter's head.
It should be noted that the Incognito/Martin situation is by no means the only story of its kind. Not by a long shot. In his rookie season, veterans racked up a huge bill and then put it on Leaf's credit card. It was a practice considered customary initiation for new San Diego Chargers. Leaf refused and ratted out the vets to GM Bobby Beathard. A week later, Leaf was picked in practice (no surprise) and then got snotbubbled by a Junior Seau pancake who was instantly greeted with cheers and high fives from his teammates. This story was actually considered evidence of Leaf's dickishness as opposed to the narrative in the Incognito/Martin "scandal." Just food for thought on the way that media reports on and then develops characters.
Ron Artest refuels with Hennessy.
Year(s): 1999-2002
People involved: Ron Artest
During his early, and forgotten, seasons with the Chicago Bulls, Ron Artest told Sporting News would hit up a liquor store near the United Center and buy Hennessy to drink during halftime. Some would argue that water works better, but what are you going to do? Besides, on a Tim Floyd-led squad that went 15-67 nobody really noticed.
Sir Alex Ferguson hits David Beckham in the face after a loss.
Year: 2003
People involved: Sir Alex Ferguson and David Beckham
After a 2-0 barnburner that caused Manchester United to exit the FA Cup prematurely, Sir Alex Ferguson, kicked a boot into the face of Pepsi, Police sunglasses, and Vodafone. The giant gash left above Beckham's left eye was the latest in a string of flip outs by a manager who makes Frank Martin look tame. The real news was the fact that Beckham didn't roll around on the ground for five minutes before getting up and moving on with his life.
Chris Hanson hits self with an ax.
Year: 2003
People involved: Chris Hanson
During the 2003 NFL season the Jacksonville Jaguars finished a brutal 5-11 campaign (though, they look amazing compared to this year's squad). It was a tough stretch that coincided with the development of the No. 7 overall pick, Byron Leftwich, and it didn't take, but a month, to realize it was going to be a long stretch. Any motivation no matter how pointlessly symbolic was desperately needed.
The Jaguars had a tree stump in the locker room that players could strike with an ax, instead of just hooking up, like, a PS2, or something. The theme was "Keep chopping wood." On October 9, the team punter Chris Hanson decided that he was a real football player and joined his teammates in whacking the novelty. He swung, missed, and hit himself in the fucking foot, being placed on season ending IR the next day, which honestly was the best result he could've hoped for. He's now the head coach of a high school in Georgia where he, presumably, lets his players play cards instead of swinging a death stick at a meaningless prop.
The Blowup Doll Ritual
Year: 2008
People involved: Nick Swisher and the Chicago White Sox
It may shock some women to find out that men aren't always as chivalrous as they appear when trying to engage in the mating process. Coming back from a winless road trip, Nick Swisher attempted a little known third world ritual intended to break the team-wide offensive hex. A reporter (who probably tattled a lot as a kid) saw the "display" and "reported" it causing Manager Ozzie Guillen to actually have to explain why there were two blow-up dolls in the clubhouse being sodomized by baseball bats.
Prince Fielder wants to handle his bleeping business.
Year: 2009
People involved: Prince Fielder
The Brewer that Milwaukee probably wished it kept instead of Ryan Braun went total meltdown on the hallway outside the Dodgers clubhouse. Baseball, usually, polices itself with pitchers throwing the ball up to triple digits squarely at the temple of the opposing hitter. A beanball (or "attempted murder" as it's known outside of the game) usually causes retaliation in the form of another beanball. On Aug. 4, 2009 Prince took the tradition personally after getting plunked with two outs in the ninth in the Brew Crews process of getting ass-whipped, 17-4.
So how close did this come to being a massive brawl worthy of Ron Artest-Pistons-like attention? Not very. Turns out the door Prince was restrained outside of was 30 feet away from the Dodgers' lockers.
Gilbert Arenas' Gun Show
Year: 2009
People involved: Gilbert Arenas & Javaris Crittenton
In December 2009, Gilbert Arenas copped to the fact that he was violating both team rules, and D.C. law by storing unloaded guns in his team locker. It escalated to a point where Arenas and Javaris Crittenton pulled out their unloaded glocks, on Christmas Eve no less, over a gambling debt. On Jan. 6 of the new year, the franchise player tone deafly mocked the whole situation by using finger pistols in a classic pregame show of don't give a fuckery. Three weeks later he and Crittenton were suspended for the season. Arenas never did get his career back on track. Less than 25 games into the 2010-11 campaign the Wiz traded him to Orlando. As for Crittenton, he was charged with the murder of a 22-year-old woman named Julian Jones. Hmmm...when you frame it that way Arenas looks like a model player.
Ines Sainz ignites controversy for being hot.
Year: 2010
People Involved: Ines Sainz and the New York Jets.
Ines Sainz had to cut short an interview with Mark Sanchez because she made the mistake of being very hot instead of being amore traditional sports reporter. It started with a tried and true flirtation as the Jets and their coaches began throwing footballs at Sainz on the sidelines during a practice. Seven-year-olds everywhere would be proud. Sainz' work attire was criticized, and Roger Goodell actually implemented a program to teach players to repress their 'effing hormones. You know, like every other job.
One key difference from the Olson situation is that Jets Owner Woody Johnson quickly apologized to Sainz without having to take out ad space in the local paper.
Red Sox starters (live everyone else) love chicken, beer, and video games.
Year: 2011
People involved: John Lackey, Josh Beckett, Jon Lester
The 2011 Boston Red Sox led the Tampa Bay Rays by nine games on Sept. 3, 2011. According to Nate Silver (the guy who pretty much nailed the 2012 election), the BoSox stood a 99.6% chance of making the postseason. You have a better chance of dying from a fall than they did of missing October baseball. They ended up going 7-20 in September and lost on the final day of the season to complete an outrageous collapse. Terry Francona was fired, but that scapegoat wasn't enough to appease the notoriously fickle Boston market.
The onus then turned to three overpriced, underperforming starters who spent the days they weren't on the bump in the clubhouse, drinking beer, eating fried chicken and playing video games (otherwise known as a perfect day). In September, Lester went 1-3 with a terrible ERA. Lackey finished the year 12-12 with an ERA (6.41) that would've been embarrassing in the 'steroid era' (in fact, it was the highest ERA in Red Sox history for a min. 150 IP). And, Josh Beckett, who was the noted leader, was traded/given to the Dodgers the next year after another controversy that he was playing several rounds of golf with a lat injury.
The Anthony Davis Vine
Year: 2011/12
People Involved: Anthony Davis, University of Kentucky basketball players
We actually have no freakin' idea if this video is safe for work so tread carefully. If you don't want to risk an awkward explanation to your peeping coworkers then we'll explain. It involves Anthony Davis' bare ass getting spanked by his UK teammates while smiling uncontrollably and...actually, that's it. It's pretty simple. The Internet has hundreds of thousands of videos like this but only one starring the former No. 1 overall pick. Will it contribute to the dialogue on "bullying," or simply give the Pelicans opposition ammo for trash talk? We wish it were the latter, but it's probably the former. After all 24-hour coverage leads to a lot of slow news days.
Richie Incognito fails to live up to his last name.
Year: 2013
People involved: Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin
Of the world of possibilites (all of them bad) that open up by sending a racially charged voicemail to a coworker, about the only thing you wouldn't expect is the rant to go national. Unfortunately the shitstorm that has been Richie Incognito's behavior reached it's low point when fellow lineman Jonathan Martin left the team after the "hazing" went overboard. The story is constantly developing but it appears that Incognito's behavior may be a result of Dolphins personnel asking him to "toughen" Martin up.
In his own unique way of making Martin a better player it's been revealed that Incognito coerced the young lineman into paying for a $15,000 vacation (that he didn't attend) and bullied him on the regular, in person, and through texts and voicemails. When he had a sitdown with Jay Glazer he combed his hair, looked respectable, and gave an interview portraying a misunderstood big brother. It was all too reminiscent of that fat bully you accidentally befriended growing up who acted polite around your parents before farting on you, breaking your toys, and "borrowing" your copy of Madden.