Image via Complex Original
Another year around the globe, another batch of stories. Today Iron Mike Tyson turns 48 and along with that extra time to reflect we're sure the former Heavyweight Champ has gained another tale or two for a future rendition of his one-man show. We're talking about a dude who's done it all. One of the rare figures in sports who's actually interesting without manufactured hype. He's like that Dos Equis guy if instead of running with the bulls of Pamplona, he--say--beat up seven prostitutes while high on coke and morphine.
His life both in and out of the ring has been part lunacy, part performance art. He's starred in his own video game, been to prison, bitten off an ear, adorned title belts, blown hundreds of millions of dollars, scared the shit out of everybody in the country, and then come back as a lovable post-career fighter who's been validated and embraced by that very same public. Along the way he's done a bunch of stuff that we wouldn't recommend (look no further then that tattoo on his face) and today (in honor of his birthday) we did our best to sort through his nuttiest anecdotes and ultimately rank the madness. Here's The Craziest Mike Tyson Stories of All Time.
RELATED: 25 Things You Didn't Know About Mike Tyson
RELATED: 20 Life Lessons From Mike Tyson's Career
He had three pet Bengals.
Date: Unknown
Surely, a lot of people you know own cats. But there's a difference between this and the apex predator Tyson's got in a chokehold above. Both are technically felines, but they're roughly 500 lbs. apart. One eats Meow Mix and the other eats any god damn thing it feels like. No matter what a tiger trainer tells you, just don't take the risk.
In his career Tyson owned three different Bengals and all the "Yeah, I don't think that's such a great idea, Mike" comments weren't going to change his mind. It's not like he was just gawking at them through glass either. He was petting them, wrestling them and making everyone at the local dog park shit their pants.
He hit a photographer at LAX.
Date: 3/18/2010
In 2010, Tyson's rap sheet added another notch as he was arrested for beating up a photographer at LAX. Well, "beating up" is putting it lightly. Tony Echevarria, the man who was struck, described the blood being,"everywhere, like a water fountain." That being said, it remains at the bottom of this list because we think people not punching out the paparazzi daily is crazier than actually following through.
He punched out his garbage man.
Date: Childhood
What's the worst thing you ever did as a kid? Ding dong ditch? Skip school? Knock out your fuckin' garbage man? If you answered the latter you're either a true little bastard or you're Mike Tyson. The animus for Tyson's rage was a trash collector putting a crate with Tyson's favorite pigeon, who had just died, into a garbage compactor. Tyson hit him with a "titanic right hand" causing the adult male to "convulse like an infantile retard." If nothing else, the ass beating delivered unto the lowly civil servant just doing his job showed us what side of the eternal man vs. bird struggle Tyson's truly on.
He abstained from sex for five years when he was an up-and-coming boxer.
Date: 1981-1986
When Mike Tyson was still attempting to carve out his niche in the boxing world, he decided to abstain from sex for FIVE years. That's a wait usually reserved for Tim Tebow, or anybody whose parents bought them a clarinet in high school. Tyson believed that having sex before a fight would make him a weak boxer. Taking it down a notch a month or two before a fight seems legit, but five years? Don't say he's not dedicated.
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He was "forced" to pay Robin Givens $10 million in alimony.
Date: 2/14/1989
Mike Tyson married actress Robin Givens and the two hit it off in a sense that was more literal than the law allows. In an interview on Oprah, Tyson once said "The best punch I ever threw was against my ex-wife." And then Oprah's audience laughed because apparently they have a sick sense of humor. Eventually tired of Tyson bringing his work home with him, Givens opted for a divorce and a pre-nuptial(less) Tyson was "forced" to give Givens $10 million; a chunk of change she claims she's never received a dime of.
He had gonorrhea flaring up before his 1986 title fight with Trevor Berbick.
Date: 11/22/1986
In 1986, Tyson became the youngest heavyweight champion in the history of pro boxing when, at 20 years of age, he knocked out Trevor Berbick to claim the belt. While Berbick stumbled around looking for his feet Tyson played it cool, even though his penis felt like it was roasting on an open flame or, as Tyson himself more eloquently put it, "burning like a Good Humor in July."
Why Good Humor never capitalized on that teed up marketing opportunity we'll never understand, but it's good information to know next time we're eating one of their popsicles.
Admitted to using a fake penis to pass drug tests.
Date: 10/20/2000
For our second consecutive slide about Tyson's penis, the man himself revealed in his autobiography Undisputed Truth, that he used a "whizzer" to pass drug tests. Well, you must be wondering what the hell a "whizzer" is. A "whizzer" is a fake dick that can be loaded with urine, which Tyson utilized because he couldn't stay clean enough to pass drug tests.
Under extreme circumstances it can also be used as an emergency baby bottle.
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He was stoned and coked up during his 2000 fight with Lou Savarese.
Date: 6/24/2000
Since he used his "whizzer" to pass drug tests, it seems "normal" that Tyson took to the ring under the influence of cocaine, marijuana, alcohol and who knows what else. Tyson claimed he was coked up and stoned during his fight with Lou Savarese in 2000, which was his third comeback fight after a nine month break from beating up two motorists. That's a hell of a way to introduce yourself back to the boxing world.
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Hired a tax attorney to represent him during his rape trial.
Date: 1/26/1992
Hiring a tax lawyer to represent you in a rape case doesn't seem like a smart idea. That probably explains why Tyson was convicted. Tyson was sentenced to 10 years but upon early release had some colorful words for his lawyer, Vincent Fuller: "He was a horrible lawyer," he said. "He was a horrible fucking lawyer. He painted me out mostly to be a villain. He was really bad."
He beat up Don King.
Date: 2003
Tyson and his former promoter had numerous falling outs over the years. And by falling out we mean drug and alcohol fueled brawls in which Tyson had King within an inch of his life. The most recent example was in 2003, when Tyson went on a bender on his private jet on the way to meet King in Miami. Upon arrival, Tyson attacked him while King was driving down a Florida highway. According to his autobiography Mike Tyson's Undisputed Truth he "kicked him in his fucking head."
That being said, if you're going to "kick someone in the fucking head," Don King works about as well as anyone.
He would have killed Mitch Green in a street fight if a crowd didn't show up.
Date: 1988
Mitch Green was a fellow heavyweight fighter in the early to mid '80s who lost to Iron Mike in an '86 bout by unanimous decision. After that he didn't box professionally again for seven years.
That isn't to say that he wasn't fighting during that time. In fact, in the early morning of August 23, 1988, Green found Tyson and a friend shopping at the famed Harlem clothing store Dapper Dans. Green had two bones to pick with Tyson. The first, Green wanted a rematch. The second, Green wanted money that he claimed Tyson's promoter Don King owed him (a constant theme in King's career). In a deal with the devil type of way, Green almost immediately got both.
Tyson fought Green in the middle of the street causing Green's eye to swell completely shut, with Tyson breaking his hand in the ordeal. A large crowd that gathered around the two men reportedly prevented Tyson from escalating the violence. Green got his rematch in an impromptu street brawl without hype, HBO, or a King-skimmed paycheck. At least at first.
In a civil suit against Tyson, Green received $45,000. The sum did not even cover his legal fees.
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He got a prison official pregnant whilst in jail.
Date: 1/26/1992-2/10/1992
You know how in prison there's rumors of rampant sex which is known as: A.) Prison rape and B.) The No. 1 reason you don't want to go to prison? Well you'll be happy to know that not all the sexual trysts are man-on-unwilling-man in nature. Occasionally a guard/social worker/counselor slips through the background checks and has sex with an inmate during their 9-to-5 (didn't any of you watch Oz?). Tyson ran into one such drug counselor and had sex with her "three times a day."
That type of release means that the real winner in all of this was, of course, Tyson's cellmate.
He wanted to eat Lennox Lewis' children.
Date: 6/24/2000
When you talk trash like this, you'd better back it up. We're not saying he had to eat Lennox Lewis's children (though it definitely would've helped) but at least don't get KO'd in the fight you're hyping.
Offered a zoo attendant $10,000 to let him fight a gorilla.
Date: 1989
While married to Robin Givens, Tyson bribed a worker to open the zoo so he and his wife could have a romantic stroll amongst the animals. When they approached the gorilla exhibit he offered a zookeeper ten grand to let him into the cage so he could fight a dominant alpha male bullying the rest of the submissive ape band. Thankfully, in keeping with the zookeepers code, the man declined the second bribe and both: saved Tyson's life and prevented future heavyweight hopefuls from having to challenge a gorilla for a shot at the title belt.
That time he bit off Evander Holyfield's ear.
Date: 6/28/1997
Luis Suarez has nothing on Iron Mike. In one of the the most outrageous in-game infractions in sports history, Tyson was disqualified from his fight against Evander Holyfield after biting off a piece of his ear. The most infamous bite in sports history came after Tyson was upset that Holyfield kept headbutting him. After referee Mills Lane failed to stop Holyfield, Tyson took the law into his own hands, and took a bite out of the champ's hearing hole. He was fined $3 million, and was disqualified.
He beat up overzealous fans.
Date: 6/21/2003
Tyson had an interesting way of dealing with fans, especially those who wanted his autograph. Whereas most athletes would "stop, sign" or "take a picture," Tyson's approach was to "beat the everloving shit out of them." (Fortunately, for that kid in the picture he's since changed).
Tyson explained his unique approach to public relations by referencing an instance where two fans were bugging a coked-up Tyson who reacted by chasing them both through a hotel lobby and up an escalator before knocking one of them out with a single punch. The remaining (still conscious) fan was cowering behind the front desk when Tyson approached him. But the man was saved thanks to a well-timed arrival by hotel security. Tyson has been known throughout his career for his violent outbursts and willingness to take on most anyone at anytime, but even the "Baddest Man on the Planet" still had his limits.
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A former trainer put a gun to Tyson's head for allegedly messing with his 11-year-old niece.
Date: 1983
Even in his teenage years, Tyson was allegedly involved in some ridiculous incidents. Look no further than 1983, when Tyson had a .38 caliber handgun put next to his head by his trainer Teddy Atlas. Atlas alleged that Tyson, age 16 at the time, had an inappropriate relationship with an 11-year-old relative. After the incident, Atlas was kicked out of the boxing club after violating the "No putting a firearm to a 16-year-olds head" policy.
Tyson attempts to avoid prison with Voodoo magic.
Date: 4/1/1992
When you go to prison there's not much you can do. You can get pardoned, paroled, or tattoo prison blueprints onto your body along with step-by-step instructions for a gripping escape plan. Outside of that you're serving your sentence.
So when Mike Tyson opted for voodoo to get out of doing time for a rape conviction, you'd expect it to work about as well as using voodoo for, well, anything. The first two suggestions given to Tyson were: Stuff $500 in a jar, then fill it with piss; and to wash himself in oils and drink special water. Those ideas sounded useless so Tyson went with a solution a little more practical: a hacksaw witch doctor, an egg and a bird. He dropped the egg, released the bird and shouted "We're free!" on the steps of the courthouse. Much to our surprise it did work!
It just took three years to kick in.
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He beat up seven prostitutes when he was high.
Date: 2009
Drugs don't usually go well with one prostitute, let alone seven. So you know you're talking about a very combustible situation when you combine: cognac, morphine, cocaine, Mike Tyson, and a septet of hookers. This mix got Mike feeling paranoid that they were going to steal his wallet—scratch that—his "soul." In a quote that sounds symbolic (at least we really hope) Tyson said ''I was in a dark place. There was a purpose, though, because I didn't want to give them any more of my soul."
Unfortunately, (for the prostitutes) the beating he delivered in response to the imagined scenario was not figurative.
He caught his soon-to-be ex wife Robin Givens with Brad Pitt.
Date: 1988
While the couple where going through a divorce, Tyson would make a pitstop by Robin's house to "sneak in a quickie" before denouncing her as a pig to his lawyer. On one occasion, Mike arrived unannounced. Realizing no one was home, he started to leave but not before seeing Robin pulling up in a car he bought her with Brad Pitt riding shotgun. The up-and-coming actor looked like he saw a ghost but Mike didn't want to hurt him. He was just sad that he "couldn't bone her no more."
Admitted to doing "five-to-seven" worse deeds than rape.
Date: Prior to 1992
And had he been a part of The Hangover Part IIIas initially planned, you could make that "six-to-eight."
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