Image via Complex Original
Tattoos and athletes, they go together about as well as...groupies and athletes. Their ink ranges from the goodto thebadto the Kirilenko. Dudes like J.R. Smithare more tattoo than man at this point. While others choose to be (probably NSFW) more subtle. But just because you get paid to play sports doesn't mean you have to get one. If you've got no idea what you want then don't go out and buy one for the hell-of-it. These things are permanent, you know?
That brings us to these guys, a crew of ballers who had no idea what they wanted but drove to the parlor anyway. How else do you explain their names and team logos irreversibly etched onto their bodies? A testament to narcissism? A lack of knowledge on transfers and free agency? We'll go with forgetfulness.
Sometimes we need help remembering things too. We've lost keys, forgotten important dates, etc. But damn it's tough to envision a giant Complex tattoo spread across the chest or a big "Gavin" scribbled on my butt. My name isn't worthy of my ass. Let these marks be a warning to any and all of you considering your own designs. Here's the Athletes Who Need Tattoos to Remind Them Their Own Names or Teams They Played For. And if you think they look cool, well you're wrong, but go for it anyway.
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Byron Mullens sounds better than BJ Mullens.
Where?: Each forearm (exception for initials).
It's not just his game that blows.
A lesson from Tyrus Thomas.
Where?: Left shoulder.
Tyrus Thomas on his first tattoo: "The name was just like the first one. I think a lot of people usually get their name as the first one. If I could do it over I wouldn't. You know, I know my name." We don't have the same regret.
Michael Kidd-Gilchrist goes all out.
Where?: Upper back (exception for initials).
Michael Kidd-Gilchrist came into the NBA with no visible tattoos. Once in the league he had to fit in so he decided "I don't want to go nuts. Uh...just do my entire back." No easing into it. No seeing if he liked it. Just going all in. It's like losing your virginity in an orgy filmed for Brazzers.
O.J. Mayo remains humble.
Where?: Neck and upper back.
Keeping it low key.
Kevin Seraphin: The Sistine Chapel of backs.
Where?: Upper back.
We're not sure what to say about his tattoo that won't offend so we'll just say, maybe this has something to do with it? We don't know (or care to be honest) but it's going to look ridiculous when he's 90.
Deron Williams spots himself five letters.
Where?: Left arm.
Deron Williams' "D-Will" tattoo is pedestrian as this list has established. The more interesting ink above is Kobe's "Vanessa" which we assume was either a result of an embarrassing press conference, or a reminder to never have one again.
Carmelo Anthony approves of his nickname.
Where?: Left arm.
Carmelo also sports a Baltimore Orioles logo that caused a faux-controversy during the 2012 ALDS. Apparently, you're only allowed to root for teams in your market.
Marcus Camby: Respect your elders.
Where?: Left arm.
As a guy who was nearly 40 years old in a league with players a year removed from high school, we feel he deserves the title "Mr. Camby."
C.C. Sabathia's jersey bleeds through.
Where?: Upper back.
He's got a big ol' back canvas to work with.
How to rob David Lee.
Where?: Right shoulder blade.
Wait for him to take his jersey off. Press check against his shoulder. How you do that is up to you.
They call me Mr. Marbury.
Where?: Right shoulder.
At least he didn't do something crazy, like, get his own brand tattooed on his head.
Deshawn Stevenson's permanent jersey.
Where?: Back.
DeShawn Stevenson comes prepared for shirts and skins pickup games.
LaDainian Tomlinson: RIP Chargers.
Where?: Calves.
This'll come in handy when the CTE kicks in.
Damon Stoudamire shows off his creative side.
Where?: Left shoulder.
If you can't think of anything better than your first name, sleep on it.
We'll take Prince Fielder's word for it.
Where?: Neck.
Now Milwaukee, Detroit, Arlington's sizable Korean-speaking population will know his name. Though for all he knows it says "I fuck mountain goats."
Vince Young's tribute to Vince Young.
Where?: Upper back.
About as close as he'll ever get to putting a jersey on again.
Stephen Morris flexes the 'U'.
Where?: Right bicep.
Miami has had no shortage of dominant footballers who fondly remember (and promote) their glory days at the 'U'. But neither Michael Irvin, nor Ray Lewis, were crazy enough to brand themselves with a permanent reminder of the now mediocre program.
Auburn recruit gets Auburn tattoo, decommits from Auburn.
Where?: Forearm.
Stephen Morris' tattoo may be something you're more accustomed to seeing on a fan. But at least he isn't sporting it whilst playing for somebody like, UCF. Five-star linebacking recruit Reuben Foster got Auburn's logo tatted onto his forearm, no way he'd renege on his verbal commit after such an outlandish display of loyalty. Except that's exactly what he did.
He pulled out and opted to remain in-state but switched allegiances to Alabama. He then put out a tweet that we'll take as his own special way of spinning how we'd say "Damn. I feel like a real dickweed right now." It's a bummer because he was total Auburn material. Oh well, if only there was some way that Auburn could get back at Alabama.
LeBron James turns himself into a human notepad.
Where?: Upper back (exception for ridiculously self-important nickname).
He's also got a portrait of his first son, his own initials, his area code, a quote from Gladiator, his birth year, and his mom and second son's name. Dude comes prepared.
Aaron Hernandez: Real Life Michael Scofield.
Where?: Upper back.
If you watched Prison Break you know where this is headed. Let this also serve as a warning to those of our readers who either have, or will, attempt murder at some point. Tattoos will make you very easy to identify.