Image via Complex Original
For even the greatest of professional athletes, not every day goes perfectly. There are missteps, stupid mistakes, or lapses in judgment; these things happen to everybody, whether we like it or not. The problem, of course, is that for many athletes people are watching their every move and are waiting for them to screw up.
Not every fail has to be serious, though. For every Michael Phelps DUI or Adrian Peterson child-abuse accusation, there are ridiculous pictures of people like Kobe Bryant all in white or Tom Brady cradling a baby goat. Sometimes, it's good for athletes to be able to laugh at themselves.
From the serious to the inane, here's a look at Your Favorite Athletes' Biggest Fails.
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Kobe Bryant: The “White Hot” Photoshoot
Year: 2010
No, that's not the newest character for American Horror Story: Freak Show. That's Kobe Bryant, star of the Los Angeles Lakers and (apparently) an aspiring clown or mime of some kind. That can be the only explanation behind this photo shoot, which he did for the Los Angeles Times in 2010. It's a little weird for a guy who projects an air of toughness to agree to take pictures like this one (or really any of the others from the photo shoot). But Kobe has always done things a little differently, and considering he won a ring that year it’s kind of tough to argue with his decision-making.
Tom Brady: Holding a Baby Goat
Year: 2005
What do you do when you win three super Bowls in four years? Get yourself to a goat farm, obviously. That kind of bizarre thought process is at least what happened to Tom Brady in 2005, when he shot a series of photos for GQ that included him holding a baby goat for reasons that remain unclear. Fans in New England and across the country rightly laughed at these ridiculous pictures, and even Brady’s own teammates took to posting the picture in his locker during the week. He clearly didn't learn his lesson though, since he's now a spokesman for UGGs.
LeBron James: The Decision
Year: 2010
Now that LeBron James is back in Cleveland, everything surrounding The Decision takes on a little bit less importance. But that doesn't change what a complete and utter disaster this entire one-hour special was from its conception to its execution. LeBron did just about the dumbest thing imaginable: he took all the goodwill he had saved up during his memorable run with the Cavaliers, and in a single hour made the entire country (other than Miami) despise him. Things worked out pretty well in Miami for LeBron, however, and now that he's back in Cleveland he's officially completed his redemption from this debacle.
Derek Jeter: Gift Baskets for His Conquests?
Year: 2011
While "The Captain" has gone on record denying the truth of his post-coital gift baskets, the fact that it took him almost three years to do so kind of lends a little credence to the story, no? The idea that after a one night stand Jeter would send his female conquest home in a limo with a basket full of his memorabilia is almost too funny to imagine, and would be the ultimate baller move for an elite athlete to pull off. And honestly, it's not a bad deal for the ladies either; if they don't want it, they can just turn around and sell it and make a nice little profit for themselves. Everybody wins.
Peyton Manning: Super Bowl XLVIII
Year: 2014
Peyton Manning's playoff reputation was never great, but he quieted a lot of the critics after he won the Super Bowl with the Colts in 2006. However, after coming up short with the Broncos at home against the Ravens in 2012, he entered last season’s Super Bowl with something to prove. So what exactly did he show by losing 43-8, and posting 280 passing yards and two interceptions on a gaudy 49 attempts? Not a whole lot. Really, he only gave further ammunition to those who regard him as little more than a great regular season quarterback.
Drew Brees: Pepsi Ad with One Direction
Year: 2012
An actor, Drew Brees is not. This ad for Pepsi features the former Super Bowl MVP and the popular British boy band arguing over a Pepsi, but really they're arguing over who can put on a worse acting performance. How can Brees lead a football team when his teammates have access to footage of him singing terrible boy band songs? It's one thing for a guy to cash in on in his celebrity; we're all for that. But to debase himself like this? Come on Drew, you're better than that.
Michael Phelps: DUIs
Year: 2014
Clearly, Michael Phelps has some issues with drinking as he managed to pick up a second DUI just over a week ago. It's not completely known what he was thinking when he was cruising at 84 mph in a 45 mph zone, but honestly it seems kind of needless to go that fast. He probably wasn't even on the highway, so it's not as if he was just traveling in a straight line and unwittingly built up a bunch of speed. Nobody has ever accused the 18-time Olympic medalist of being a genius, but this was particularly stupid.
Michael Jordan: The Wizards Years
Year: 2001
Michael Jordan retired with possibly the greatest finish to a career in the history of sports. His championship winning shot in the 1998 NBA Finals against the Jazz cemented a legacy that had MJ firmly a top the list of greatest players ever, and there was really nothing left for him to accomplish in basketball. Forever competitive, however, Jordan decided to make a comeback in 2001 with the Washington Wizards. The man who took the court for the next two seasons was a shell of the player fans had come to admire, and was riddled with injury problems made worse by the fact that every young player in the league was gunning for him. Getting to 20 points per game was a chore, and in order to do so Jordan had to sacrifice getting his teammates involved. It's no wonder the Wizards never made the playoffs in those two seasons, and that people now pretty much just ignore that regrettable stretch of his career.
Kevin Durant: Weakest Arms Ever
Year: 2007
It's kind of funny in hindsight that this was even a thing, but in the build up to the 2007 NBA Draft when Kevin Durant vs. Greg Oden was a legitimate national debate, the fact that KD could not even bench press 185 pounds was a huge deal around the NBA. People saw those skinny arms and wondered if Durant would be able to compete in the league with guys twice as strong as him. Of course, this totally discounted the fact that he was an incredible scorer in college and had one of the purest shooting strokes ever seen on a teenager. While he could probably rep 185 a few times now, all Durant really needs to do to show how important this incident actually was is to lift his MVP trophy.
Tiger Woods: The Thanksgiving Incident
Year: 2009
What happened on Thanksgiving Day of 2009 between Tiger Woods and his now ex-wife Elin is one of the most surreal off-the-field incidents in the history of sports. We don’t even have the full story, but it seems a virtual certainty that it is even crazier than we have imagined. What we do know is that Tiger crashed his Escalade in the driveway, and that at some point Elin used a golf club on the windows to allegedly extricate Tiger from his crashed car. Anything beyond that is pure speculation. All we can say is that it's a little suspicious that after Tiger’s infidelity came to light, all of a sudden golf clubs were being used on cars. Perhaps there is some connection? Sadly, it seems likely that part of their divorce settlement will involve the truth never coming out.
Lionel Messi: Tax Evasion
Year: 2014
Lionel Messi may be a little genius on the field, but he would be smart to hire an accountant off it. Whether through ignorance or just stupidity, Messi and his agent/father failed to pay over €4 million in taxes between 2007 and 2009, and (not shockingly) the Spanish government wants their money. As a result, Messi is now going to stand trial in Spain, and while he certainly won't have to serve any jail time and will likely just pay what he owes, it was a pretty stupid and avoidable mistake.
Cristiano Ronaldo: Ineffectiveness with Portugal
Year: 2014
In the world football, the “weight of the shirt” is very much a real thing. Basically, it means that for some people the pressure playing for a certain team turns them into a lesser player. That certainly seems to be the case with Cristiano Ronaldo, one best players in the world when playing for Real Madrid but a man who becomes ordinary when he suits up for Portugal. This was particularly noticeable at this summer’s World Cup, when a highly-ranked Portugal team crashed out of the group stage with Ronaldo remaining largely invisible throughout their three matches. While some would argue that his lack of a supporting cast was a major issue, a true superstar finds a way even in difficult situations like that.
Adrian Peterson: Child Abuse
Year: 2014
In 2014, it's widely acknowledged that hitting your children is wrong. Corporal punishment has gone out of fashion, but that hasn't stopped Adrian Peterson from physically disciplining his children anyway. That's his choice, but what isn’t okay is the serious damage he inflicted on his son. Peterson is a grown man and physically imposing, and his four-year-old son is most definitely neither of those things. Couple that with the news that Peterson diverted funds from his charity to pay for an orgy, and it's been a pretty bad run for the football star over the last month.
Carmelo Anthony: Twitter Bounty
Year: 2010
When you're a famous athlete, it's never a good idea to get into a Twitter war. Even if you're on the right side of the argument, it's just going to make you look bad. Carmelo Anthony didn't care about that, and also seemingly didn't care about how it might look when he put out a bounty for someone to go and hit @ihatekatstacks, a woman Anthony and his wife were fighting with on Twitter. As soon as he realized his mistake, he went with the classic “I was hacked” excuse, which was seemingly good enough for everyone to just move on.
Clayton Kershaw: The Playoffs
Year: 2014
The Los Angeles Dodgers’ Clayton Kershaw is easily the best regular-season pitcher in Major League Baseball right now. The problem is that the Dodgers are good and make the playoffs, and when Kershaw gets on the hill in the postseason it's like watching a completely different guy. This point was hammered home earlier this week when he took the mound against the Cardinals and was unable to save his team’s season. In the game’s biggest moment, Kershaw gave up a go-ahead three-run home run to the Cardinals’ Matt Adams, and in doing so raised his playoff ERA to 5.12 (compared to his regular season ERA of 2.48).