Image via Getty/Jim Luzzi
Athletes represent some of the most talented professionals in all the world. Physically, nobody can match their gifts; their incredible athleticism and overall coordination make them some of the most high-profile humans on the planet. Their feats bring them adulation and admiration from all corners of the world. Having said all that—nobody is perfect.
Sometimes, these talented sportsmen and women manage to injure themselves in the strangest way possible. Whether it’s Bill Gramatica celebrating a field goal, Jason Pierre-Paul nearly blowing off his hand with fireworks, or Michael Jordan cutting a cigar, the simplest of moments can go horribly awry even for great athletes. While 99.9% of the time they're physically impressive, there are always exceptions. Ready for outlandish tales of self-inflicted pain? These are the 50 Most Bizarre Injuries in Sports History.
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50. Michael Jordan
Date: 1999
Team: Chicago Bulls
Injury: Finger laceration
Cause: Cut finger with a cigar cutter
When you're the best ever, you're not used to looking like an idiot. So when Michael Jordan badly cut his finger on a cigar cutter, it was a rare chance for us mere mortals to laugh at the Bulls' legend. After missing a game, he immediately went back and started scoring 30-plus a night, and we went back to worshipping him.
49. Tom Glavine
Date: 1992
Team: Atlanta Braves
Injury: Broken ribs
Cause: Throwing up airplane food
Airplane food has come a long way; just ask Tom Glavine. After a particularly rough in-flight meal, the Braves legend proceeded to puke so violently that he cracked two ribs and was forced onto the DL. We're betting Mrs. Glavine started packing Tom his own meals for a while after that.
48. Brent Mayne
Date: 2002
Team: Kansas City Royals
Injury: Back spasms
Cause: Checking for traffic before crossing street
We're betting Brent Mayne's parents always told him to stop, look, and listen when crossing the street. They should have mentioned the hazards of the "look" part, though. Maybe then they could've prevented their son from suffering one of the dumber injuries we've ever heard of.
47. Clint Malarchuk
Date: 1989
Team: Buffalo Sabres
Injury: Severed carotid artery
Cause: Hit by flying skate
The odds of this injury happening are so small that it almost seems insane to imagine any circumstance in which it could happen. Clint Malrchuk lived the nightmare, though, losing about one-third of the blood in his body and barely surviving a skate slash to his carotid artery.
46. Brandon Inge
Date: 2008
Team: Detroit Tigers
Injury: Strained oblique
Cause: Fluffing his daughter's pillow
Brandon Inge may not win Father of the Year for fluffing his daughter's pillow. To show such courage in the face of extreme physical agony is really the stuff of legend, and the Tigers' former third baseman clearly has a fortitude beyond that of the common man. We salute you, Brandon, bravest of all souls.
45. Kirk Broadfoot
Date: 2009
Team: Rangers
Injury: Burned face
Cause: Micowaved egg exploded
Eggs can be a delicious snack, and when prepared in a microwave can be made rather quickly as well. Kirk Broadfoot certainly knew this, only his culinary adventure went horribly awry. His poached egg exploded in his face, blasting the Rangers man with scalding water and forcing him out of action.
44. George Brett
Date: 1983
Team: Kansas City Royals
Injury: Broken toe
Cause: Running to the TV
Nobody could have used DVR more than George Brett. The Hall of Famer was zooming to the television to get a look at Bill Buckner's at-bat, when a chair got in the way and promptly broke Brett's toe. At least he wasn't rushing to watch Buckner field.
43. Clarence Blethen
Date: 1923
Team: Boston Red Sox
Injury: Leg laceration
Cause: Bitten by his own false teeth sliding into second
Only in 1920s baseball would this injury make sense. Clarence Blethen wanted to intimidate the pitcher, so he took out his false teeth and stashed them in his back pocket. It worked, as he singled during the at-bat. Upon reaching first, though, he forgot to put them back in. This decision soon came back to bite him in the ass (literally), as he took out a chunk of his own skin sliding into second base soon after.
42. Dave Beasant
Date: 1993
Team: Chelsea
Injury: Severed toe tendon
Cause: Tried to juggle bottle of salad dressing
Soccer players like Dave Beasant rely upon instinct when they play, and oftentimes find it difficult to switch that off when they leave the field. Maybe they should find a way, though; the former Chelsea man fumbled a glass of salad dressing, tried to juggle it on his foot in order to save it, but instead had the bottle smash and sever a tendon in his big toe.
41. Irving Fryar
Date: 1/5/1986
Team: New England Patriots
Injury: Nearly severed finger
Cause: Wife slashed it with a kitchen knife
Anyone who has been in a relationship knows that sometimes you're going to argue with your significant other. Usually, these disputes get resolved amicably and life goes on. For Irving Fryar, though, a little tiff turned into his wife nearly slicing the wide receiver's finger off just days before a playoff game.
40. Kevin Mitchell
Date: 1990
Team: San Francisco Giants
Injury: Broken tooth, root canal
Cause: Chipped tooth on microwaved frozen donut
Kevin Mitchell is a bit of a legend thanks to his talent (he was the 1989 MVP) and his antics off the field. A man whose weight was often the subject of much scrutiny, he did himself no favors by reporting late to Giants' spring training after contracting an infection in his tooth after eating a donut.
39. Cal Ripken
Date: 7/11/1996
Team: Baltimore Orioles
Injury: Broken nose
Cause: Teammate slipped and hit him in the face
Obviously, Cal Ripken didn't miss any time because of this injury. However, it couldn't have been fun playing with a broken nose after his All-Star teammate Roberto Hernandez fell into him and clocked Ripken in the face during the All-Star team photo. We thought All-Stars were supposed to take it easy.
38. Glenn Healy
Date: 2000
Team: Toronto Maple Leafs
Injury: Hand lacerations
Cause: Changing the bag on his bagpipes
When you're a lifetime backup, you have time to cultivate other hobbies. For Glenn Healy, that was the bagpipes. Unfortunately, Healy's bagpipes betrayed him, exploding in his face while he was cleaning them and forcing him to get some forty stitches to close the enormous wound. Maybe he should just stick to hockey.
37. Derrick Rose
Date: 12/8/2008
Team: Chicago Bulls
Injury: Arm laceration
Cause: Slicing an apple
We applaud Derrick Rose for eating healthy foods while lounging at home. Instead of reaching for chips, he grabs an apple. Unfortunately, he decided to cut said apple while in bed. And after getting up, he forgot he left the knife in bed and promptly sliced his arm open. While he's lucky he didn't hurt himself worse, we have to ask: What kind of knife is he cutting his fruit with?
36. Bobby Cruickshank
Date: 1934
Team: N/A
Injury: Knocked unconscious
Cause: Flipped club in the air in celebration, club landed on his head
Bobby Cruickshank may not be remembered for his golfing skills, but that doesn't make him any less of a legend. A pioneer of the dumb injury, Cruickshank celebrated a miraculous shot by flinging his club in the air, only to immediately forget he did so and allow it to crash down on his head and knock him out. Unsurprisingly, he struggled the rest of the round and fell out of contention.
35. Brian Griese
Date: 2002
Team: Denver Broncos
Injury: Knocked unconscious, head wound, chipped tooth
Cause: Fell because Terrell Davis' driveway was "too steep"
Brian Griese was a legend for all his drinking-related accidents. This one, which he blames on the allegedly steep grade of Terrell Davis' driveway, is particularly funny because he managed to knock himself completely unconscious without anyone else giving him a push or otherwise exerting any force on him. Self-inflicted knockouts are the best kind of knockouts.
34. Matt Bonner
Date: 2015
Team: San Antonio Spurs
Injury: Tennis elbow
Cause: iPhone 6 too big
Upset the Spurs didn't make it out of the first round this year? Blame Apple. We're guessing Matt's problem is with the iPhone 6 plus, the larger model. You'd think his fingers would be big enough to handle the phone's 5.5-inch display since, you know, he's 6'10" and all. Suppose not everybody is Kawhi Leonard or Jahlil Okafor. The rest of us are constantly at risk for serious injury.
33. Joba Chamberlain
Date: 2012
Team: New York Yankees
Injury: Dislocated ankle
Cause: Jumping on trampoline with son
For a lot of kids, trampolines were forbidden because they were supposedly dangerous. Thanks a lot Joba Chamberlain. Really helping the cause here. By hideously disclocating his ankle playing on a trampoline with his son, Joba proved all our parents right and rendered all of our childhood arguments utterly worthless.
32. Dustin Penner
Date: 1/9/2012
Team: Los Angeles Kings
Injury: Back strain
Cause: Eating pancakes
Dustin Penner has set out to prove that eating, and more specifically breakfast, can indeed be an extreme support. So great was his love of pancakes that he managed to wreck his back and miss several games as he devoured his morning treat, a level of dedication to flapjacks previously unseen out of a professional athlete.
31. John Vanbiesbrouck
Date: 6/13/1988
Team: New York Rangers
Injury: Sliced nerve and tendons
Cause: Glass coffee table he was sitting on collapsed
Maybe John Vanbiesbrouck had put on some weight. Maybe it was a weak table. Maybe it was both. Whatever the reason, when he went crashing through that coffee table he inexplicably decided to sit on, it had to be a very humbling moment for the goaltender.
30. Charles Barkley
Date: 1994
Team: Phoenix Suns
Injury: Blurred vision
Cause: Rubbing lotion in his eyes at an Eric Clapton concert
Charles Barkley listens to Eric Clapton? What? That's really the story here. Although we suppose it's also pretty weird that he brought lotion to said concert. And that he thought the best way to get fired up to defend his MVP crown was to see Clapton. This whole thing is just really strange.
29. Darius Vassell
Date: 2002
Team: Aston Villa
Injury: Toe infection
Cause: Tried to pop a blood blister with a power drill
All athletes have had blisters. They are painful, and sometimes popping them can alleviate a lot of the discomfort. Darius Vassell knew this, but took it to the extreme. A drill is really next level stuff (and probably not sanitary), so we aren't that surprised it didn't end well.
28. Greg Harris
Date: 1987
Team: Texas Rangers
Injury: Elbow inflammation
Cause: Flicking sunflower seeds
Fun fact: Greg Harris could pitch with both arms. Unfortunately, he could not flick with both hands. Because if he could, maybe he wouldn't have had to skip two starts after this incident during the 1987 season, when he spent an entire game harassing his teammates with sunflower seeds.
27. Felix Pie
Date: 2008
Team: Chicago Cubs
Injury: Twisted testicle
Cause: Unclear but probably something painful
Look, we're not entirely sure how Felix Pie ended up with a twisted testicle. But it sounds absolutely horrible, and there's no way that something like that could happen naturally. There is a great story to be told here, we're sure of it.
26. Wade Boggs
Date: 6/9/1986
Team: Boston Red Sox
Injury: Bruised ribs
Cause: Pulling on cowboy boots
Nobody ever said being a cowboy was easy. Just ask Wade Boggs. In the heat of a pennant race in 1986, the Red Sox's third baseman managed to injure himself putting on his shoes. Maybe he should just stick to crushing beers on cross-country flights instead.
25. Orlando Brown
Date: 12/19/1999
Team: Cleveland Browns
Injury: Partial blindness in right eye
Cause: Hit by referee's flag
Orlando Brown is lucky to still have vision in his eye, and his ugly reaction to referee Jeff Tripplette's accidental pelting of him with a flag was at least partially understandable. It was an especially tough injury since Brown was forced to take several years off before returning to the league.
24. Rickey Henderson
Date: 1992
Team: Toronto Blue Jays
Injury: Frostbite
Cause: Fell asleep with an icepack on
Rickey Henderson stories are really some of the best anecdotes in baseball history. This one just adds to the legend, as the greatest base stealer of all time managed to get frostbite in the middle of the summer thanks to a case of the sleepies and a forgotten ice pack.
23. Chris Hanson
Date: 10/10/2003
Team: Jacksonville Jaguars
Injury: Deep gash in leg
Cause: Swinging an axe in the locker room
Chris Hanson was a punter. Motivational speeches and phrases really weren't intended for him. So while we appreciate him trying to get into coach Jack Del Rio's mantra of "keep choppin' wood," taking an axe to his own leg probably was a fitting end.
22. Adam Eaton
Date: 2001
Team: San Diego Padres
Injury: Stab wound in stomach
Cause: Taking the plastic off a new DVD
We totally empathize with Adam Eaton. When you buy a fresh DVD (or video game, or Blu-ray), all you want to do is watch it. Grappling with the plastic wrapping is so damn annoying. Taking a knife to it so vigorously that you stab yourself isn't all that shocking to us.
21. Steve Sparks
Date: 1994
Team: Milwaukee Brewers
Injury: Discloated shoulder
Cause: Trying to rip a phone book in half
Dude, you're a pitcher. Not a bodybuilder. Steve Sparks was just trying to make the Brewers' roster out of Spring Training when he attempted to be "that guy" and rip a phone book in half. One dislocated shoulder later, and we're going to say that it didn't work.
20. Alex Stepney
Date: 1975
Team: Manchester United
Injury: Dislocated jaw
Cause: Screaming at his own teammates
Goalkeepers are constantly barking at their teammates. They can see the entire field, so naturally they feel that they know best. But maybe Alex Stepney took things a bit too far when he screamed so much his jaw literally flew out of its socket.
19. Mariano Rivera
Date: 2012
Team: New York Yankees
Injury: Torn ACL
Cause: Jogging after a fly ball in batting practice
Mariano Rivera is a legend. But maybe he should have realized that he was getting old and little things that didn't used to affect him might have bigger implications. Shagging fly balls got dangerous when Rivera tore his ACL chasing a ball, an injury that briefly looked like it would end his career.
18. Chris Coghlan
Date: 7/25/2010
Team: Florida Marlins
Injury: Torn meniscus
Cause: Trying to give teammate a shaving cream pie
Even when they win, the Marlins always find a new way to suck. Chris Coghlan tried to execute the classic "shaving cream pie in the face" move after a walk-off win, but botched the finish and instead wrecked his knee. Typical Marlins.
17. Russell Branyan
Date: 2010
Team: Seattle Mariners
Injury: Bruised tailbone
Cause: Falling down trying to pick up son's flip-flop
Russell Branyan is proof-positive that no good deed goes unpunished. He was just trying to help pick up his young son's flip-flop when he slipped out of his chair, landing on his ass so hard that he bruised his tailbone and had to sit out for several games.
16. Glenallen Hill
Date: 1990
Team: Toronto Blue Jays
Injury: Several severe cuts
Cause: Vivid spider-related nightmare
Spiders can be scary. When they invade your dreams, that's even worse. For poor Glenallen Hill, the terror got a little too real when he suffered a mid-sleep freakout due to a spider-related dream and fell through a glass table.
15. Lionel Simmons
Date: 1991
Team: Sacramento Kings
Injury: Thumb tendonitis
Cause: Playing too much Gameboy
GameBoy was pretty awesome. You know who agrees with us? Lionel Simmons. The former Sacramento King was so committed to his Super Mario and Tetris games that he managed to give himself tendonitis in both thumbs during his rookie year.
14. Clint Barmes
Date: 6/5/2005
Team: Colorado Rockies
Injury: Broken collarbone
Cause: Fell down stairs carrying venison meat
Poor Clint Barmes. He was just trying to get a gift from teammate Todd Helton into the meat case, but lost his balance and broke his collarbone instead. We hope that venison was worth it.
13. Milton Bradley
Date: 9/23/2007
Team: San Diego Padres
Injury: Torn ACL
Cause: Tackled by his own manager while arguing a call
It seems like the adjective "volatile" followed Milton Bradley throughout his career. With incidents like this, it's no wonder. Flying into such a rage your manager tears your ACL trying to restrain you is pretty impressive.
12. Amar'e Stoudemire
Date: 4/30/2012
Team: New York Knicks
Injury: Hand lacerations
Cause: Punched glass door of fire extinguisher
While he may have known it in his head, Amar'e Stoudemire still decided to blame the Knicks' playoff struggles on some hapless fire extinguisher case. The glass door got the last laugh, though, badly cutting Amar'e's hand and forcing him to miss his next game.
11. Marty Cordova
Date: 5/20/2002
Team: Baltimore Orioles
Injury: Facial burns
Cause: Fell asleep in tanning booth
Marty Cordova had a pretty forgettable career, but at least he looked good doing it. Well, except for that one time he passed out in a tanning bed and managed to burn himself enough to sit out a bunch games.
10. Jose Canseco
Date: 5/29/1993
Team: Texas Rangers
Injury: Torn ulnar collateral ligament in right elbow
Cause: Pitching
Everyone knows what Jose Canseco was good at on a baseball field: taking steroids and hitting home runs. So what happened when he stepped outside of his comfort zone? He immediately destroyed his elbow and missed the rest of the year.
9. Gus Frerotte
Date: 11/23/1997
Team: Washington Redskins
Injury: Concussion
Cause: Headbutting wall to celebrate touchdown
This is one of the most confounding celebrations of all-time. Gus Frerotte was off to a fine start in 1997 when he decided to celebrate a TD against the Giants by running over to the fans all by himself and headbutting a wall. He was, unsurprisingly, dazed and ended up going to the hospital at halftime.
8. Darren Fletcher
Date: 3/4/2008
Team: Manchester United
Injury: Head wound, possible concussion
Cause: Toilet stall door fell on head
When you're getting up off the toilet, you're really not expecting any flying objects to be coming at you. Darren Fletcher learned the hard way that you apparently have to keep your head on a swivel at all times, as a crashing door did some serious damage to his forehead.
7. Carlos Zambrano
Date: 5/14/2005
Team: Chicago Cubs
Injury: Right elbow soreness
Cause: Excessive computer use
Was it instant messaging, as Carlos Zambrano claimed, or something else? We'll never know. But all we'll say is that it seems kind of far-fetched that someone would want to be talking to their family that often.
6. Malcolm Mitchell
Date: 8/31/2013
Team: Georgia Bulldogs
Injury: Torn ACL
Cause: Chest bump TD celebration
The newest addition to the list, Malcolm Mitchell managed to destroy his ACL celebrating a touchdown that he didn't even score. He was trying to help celebrate with a classic flying chest bump, only forgot to stick the landing and managed to end his season in the process.
5. Plaxico Burress
Date: 11/28/2008
Team: New York Giants
Injury: Gunshot wound
Cause: Accidentally shot himself in the leg
Plaxico Burress is a name no longer synonymous with big plays and Super Bowl heroics. Instead, all he'll be remembered for is when he forgot to keep the safety on when he was carrying his gun in the club.
4. Joel Zumaya
Date: 10/11/2006
Team: Detroit Tigers
Injury: Right wrist inflammation
Cause: Playing too much Guitar Hero
Remember when Guitar Hero was cool? We bet Joel Zumaya sure does. The former Tigers fireballer played so much that he managed to injure his wrist during the playoffs, missing a key part of Detroit's run to the World Series that season.
3. Jason Pierre-Paul
Date: 7/4/2015
Team: New York Giants
Injury: Severe burns on his hand
Cause: July 4th fireworks accident
There aren't too many things that we can count on every American—regardless of socioeconomic standing—to understand. There are just too many different types of people in this country with too many different values for there to be many things we're all on the same page about. Unfortunately for Jason Pierre-Paul, one of those things concerns fireworks.
Everybody in this country knows that fireworks can blow your damned hand off. Being that we live in a land that loves celebratory explosives, it's a lesson that's drilled in our heads by parents, teachers, and peers alike. Fireworks = dangerous. Be careful with fireworks. Don't risk lighting fireworks off in your hand. This is stuff every American knows. Which is exactly why it sounds so stupid for a high-profile football player to blow the skin off his hand on the 4th of July before he signed his 8-figure contract or franchise tender. Bizarre and very, very dumb.
2. Sammy Sosa
Date: 5/17/2004
Team: Chicago Cubs
Injury: Sprained lower back ligament
Cause: Aggressive sneeze
Sammy Sosa's career is now looked upon as kind of a joke, considering it seems like every one of his signature home run hops was boosted by some kind of steroid. If your muscles are so taxed that you can hurt yourself sneezing, it's probably a sign to dial it back on the next cycle.
1. Bill Gramatica
Date: 12/15/2001
Team: Arizona Cardinals
Injury: Torn ACL
Cause: Vigorous fist pump
If it were a game-winner, then maybe we'd understand. But Bill Gramatica was all kinds of fired up about this 43-yard first quarter field goal, so much so that he unleashed a fist pump befitting of a game winner. Too bad he didn't know how to land. He tore the ACL in his plant leg and was out for the season.