Image via Complex Original
With age comes wisdom or, in Skip Bayless' case, a pressing need to remain relevant by continually out-jackassing himself. The First Take host has made a career out of vehemently arguing baseless points and screaming like a maniac on-air. And, to his credit, it's worked like a charm. Bayless' has been ESPN's most insufferable talking head since '04, which in itself is pretty impressive. Today he celebrates his 61st birthday and, to celebrate, we're counting down his most jackass arguments.
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20. "Tim Tebow is a force of nature."
Date: 1/6/2009
First Take often invites rappers on set to stumble their way through a few thoughtless, cliche sports talking points. By comparison, it makes Skip Bayless look competent. Case and point, in this clip Lil' Wayne incoherently mumbles something about Tim Tebow. Maybe it's profound, but we can't really tell, dude needs subtitles and a Red Bull. Bayless responds (like he often does) with a long-winded rant about how Tebow "plays better the madder he gets" and how "some quarterbacks need to calm down, but he needs to calm up," whatever that means.
19. Chris Bosh vs. Skip
Date: 9/14/2011
When Chris Bosh speaks, the world listens. He's, like, the sixth most interesting dude on the Heat, a major score as an in-studio guest for First Take. Bayless often refers to the Heat forward as "Bosh Spice"—an obvious play on a particularly fashionable Spice Girl.
Bayless starts the interview by congratulating Bosh for having the guts to meet him face-to-face. Strange, because even a player as soft as Bosh could smash Bayless' wrinkled face into the teleprompter. The interview goes like this: the seven time NBA all-star gives a perplexing, completely ridiculous lecture on his family's name, Bayless counters with an entirely too long diatribe about how soft he plays and Jemele Hill chimes in with something that nobody really pays attention to. The event culminates with Bayless taking a rant into commercial while Bosh sits in his chair expressionless for 12 minutes. Damn, is The View on yet?
18. Mark Cuban Gives Skip a Lesson in Journalism 101
Date: 9/12/2012
A rule of thumb in sports journalism is to not speak in generalities. Why? So shit like this doesn't happen. Mark Cuban completely schools Skip here by giving him an impromptu lesson on how to do his job by analyzing defenses and schemes, you know, like a "smart" journalist, and not looking like a jackass by making generalities. When asked about OKC's post defensive schemes on LeBron James, Skip responds with a dumbfounded "[Serge] Ibaka was supposed to come hard." Ayo! Yeah, that's a defensive scheme, Skip. SMH.
17. Skip Attempts to Channel His Inner Mayweather
Date: 11/21/2012
When it comes to innovation, First Take is a lot like Dell Computers, shitty. In this particular instance, the show gets "creative" with Skip Bayless' walk to set. Like a prize fighter with osteoporosis, Bayless slowly walks down a hallway talking mad shit about Stephen A. Smith. It's a joke that's not funny, a stunt that falls flat, and pretty much par for the course when it comes to outside-the-box programming at ESPN.
16. Ochocinco vs. Skip
Date: 12/16/2010
In this clip, Skip comes off as a complete jackass by biting Chad's catchphrases, sounding corny while doing it and by calling Adrian Peterson and LeBron James overrated, two superstars in their respective leagues. Peterson finished top five in rushing yards in three of the last five seasons, and finished with at least 1,200 yards in four of the last five. A guy who averages 27, 6, and 6, and wins two NBA MVPs can't really be considered overrated when everyone continuously clowned him for not having a ring back then.
15. "He was Le-Alfred James"
Date: 6/13/2011
Granted, LeBron played terrible in the clutch, but "Le-Alfred James" is a bit overboard. Oh wait, we're talking about Skip Bayless here! Late in Game 5 of the 2011 Finals, Dallas went on a 10-1 run. Meaning Miami, as a team, gave up 10 points to the Mavs. But then again, according to Skip's logic, LeBron is responsible for every Miami loss and Dwyane Wade is responsible for every win.
14. "All he does is win!"
Date: 12/16/2011
When you have no factual evidence to support your argument or disprove the other, why not resort to drowning them out with ridiculous rants like a child? Hell, it works for Skip. In this clip, Skip couldn't respond to Mark Schlereth's point of Tebow being terrible for the first three-fourths of the game, so he resorts to his go-to "All he does is win" line to get the Tebow stans on his side.
One YouTube commenter put it best: "Mark Schlereth brought so many valid points, that Skip Bayless just 'skips' over."
13. "I'm not saying that Tim Tebow is Jesus but..."
Date: 2/28/2012
See no evil, hear no evil huh Skip? Not only was Skip's move to hide under the desk unprofessional and jackass-worthy, but comparing Tebow to Jesus makes this clip a shoo-in for this list. Saying that Jesus associated with sinners in attempts to get them to change their ways is similar to what Tebow is trying to do by being around models, and actresses in signing with Williams Morris Agency is foolish. Yeah, we can picture Tebow at a pool party sitting next to Paulina Gretzky and talking to her about the Bible. FOH.
12. Skip on LeBron's Lack of a "Clutch Gene"
Date: 6/8/2012
We all know that Skip is not a LeBron fan, but this is too much. Game 6 of the 2012 ECF, facing elimination, and the expected criticism to follow if they lost, LeBron stepped up and took over the game to save his team's championship hopes. If going off for 45 points and 15 boards isn't clutch then we don't know what is. For those still wondering about The King's "clutch gene," see how his playoff performances compare to those of the all-time greats.
11. Skip on the NBA's Top 10
Date: 6/12/2012
Despite Lebron's 2011 Finals collapse, he is the best player on the planet. Skip doesn't seem to think so. Not only does he bend the rules for Durant when it comes to rings, but he got on Lebron being nine years in without one. Completely negating the fact that for eight of those seasons he had Dan Gilbert for an owner, Danny Ferry for a GM, Mike Brown as a coach and never played with a player like Westbrook in Cleveland. If he did, he would've been crowned King eons ago.
10. Skip's Top Five Christmas Movies
Date: 12/22/2011
If you think Bayless is a jackass when he's talking about sports, wait until you hear this clown talk about pretty much anything else. Bayless "Top Five Christmas Movies" diatribe had us begging for another insufferable lambasting of LeBron James or (a Skip) baseless anointment of Tim Tebow. The 1938 version of A Christmas Carol and Miracle of 34th Street? FOH. Who's coming over for the holidays? James Lipton and the ghost of Gene Lockhart? Sorry Skip, you caught an "L" for not having Jingle All The Way or Diehard on your list.
9. Skip Suggests Jeter is on PEDs
Date: 8/23/2012
A spike in a player's on field performance at Jeter's age would raise some red flags for most players, but Derek Jeter is not most players. We're talking about the Captain here, the face of one of the most glorified franchises in sports history. Facts and stats should count for a lot when it comes to sports, but character is a big piece to the puzzle. With that being said, knowing Jeter's character, Skip shouldn't dare put PEDs and Jeter in the same sentence. It's not like he started hitting 50 home runs a year or some shit. All Derek does is hit singles these days.
8. On Dwight Howard "Looks like Tarzan, plays like Jane."
Date: 9/23/2010
Dwight Howard and Skip Bayless are jackass kin. Jackasses in arms, if you will. But in this argument, it's Bayless who wears the crown. When Howard boldly proclaims that he's in better shape then Skip Bayless, Bayless responds with, "at least I don't look like Tarzan and sometimes play like Jane." Zing! You're right, Skip. You don't look like Tarzan. You look like a formaldehyde infused, dehydrated Bette Midler.
Look, clowning Dwight Howard doesn't make you a jackass. If it did, we'd be top of the jackass food chain. But don't clown a guy's game when you averaged 1.6 PPG as a high school senior or act like a hard ass for "going toe-to-toe" with a jacked-up seven footer via satellite.
7. "Kobe makes $7 million more than anyone else"
Date: 8/24/2012
Skip is surprised by this? One of the greatest players to ever play the game, a five-time champion, and one of the few players left in this league that people are scared to guard, and Skip thinks he shouldn't be paid $7 million more than everyone else? Bayless makes a living from getting stuck in the moment. But, comparing Tebow to Kobe is asinine, asiten, asieleven, asitwelve and so disrespectful! Stephen A's reaction at the end of this clip is classic.
6. "Eat humble pie!"
Date: 1/3/2012
When he's not debating rappers or Stephen A. Smith, Bayless is barking at concussed athletes who boast educations from Arizona State and, somehow, still manages to look like a clueless jackass. In this match-up of master debaters, Bayless suggests that Terrell Suggs "eat humble pie" or admit the Ravens can't win a Super Bowl with Joe Flacco. T-Sizzle responds by repeatedly screaming "Ball So Hard University!" and flexing into the camera. Seriously, that's it.
5. On Andrew Bynum: "I'll take him over Dwight Howard."
Date: 12/28/2011
Rip Dwight Howard all you want for being selfish and a dense egomaniac, but dude's pretty good at basketball. Bayless has made a career out of being a detestable contrarian, which, to his credit, has made him a lot of money in television. But, he's also black balled himself from ever landing a job as a general manager in the NBA. Andrew Bynum over Dwight Howard? You been trading scouting reports with Isiah Thomas?
4. "I don't care, I know what I'm talking about."
Date: 12/19/2011
There's a difference between giving someone credit and giving them too much credit, which Skip fails to realize. Cris Carter, one of the best receivers to play in the NFL, tries to make the point of we're giving Tebow credit for things he hasn't done or can prove. So, Skip being the jackass that he is, dismisses Carter's accolades and even asks C.C. how many rings he has. Cris' eight Pro Bowls and 16 years doesn't matter to Skip; when it comes to Tebow, you can't tell Skip nothing.
3. Skip Blames Five Hour Flight for Favre's Poor Play
Date: 12/23/2008
When it comes to political pundits and sports' talking heads, there's absolutely no accountability. None. These clowns spout vitriol, are proved wrong, go back on set and do it some more. In this case, Bayless was woefully wrong about how well Brett Favre would play as a Jet and made his prediction even worse by blaming his poor performance on flights to the West Coast.
Skip, ever flown Southwest? If those tank-top wearing, mouth breathers can handle a a connecting flight to Sacramento, a professional athlete can sure as hell show up on gameday after a charted plane ride to Seattle. For once, Stephen A. Smith is justified in his exaggerated laughter.
2. "Water Pistol Pete Junior"
Date: 4/12/2012
There are certain things that everyone lies about: their weight, how often they masturbate, and their athletic prowess while in high school. Skip Bayless tweeted that he "Felt like Maravich" after allegedly winning MVP at a state-wide basketball camp in high school. In perhaps the greatest moment in First Take history, Jalen Rose called out Bayless for barely playing on the junior varsity squad, averaging 1.4 PPG as a senior and gave him a new nickname. Oops. Let this be a lesson to the self-proclaimed folk history of has-beens, the Internet tells all. Don't become a statistic.
1. On Jay-Z: "I won't take him over Lil' Wayne or Nelly."
Date: 9/14/2010
During an especially inexplicable segment of First Take, Skip Bayless found himself debating the Jigga's status in hip-hop. Somehow, he keeps a straight face when he says, "I like what he's saying, I just don't like how he says it..." and follows that up with, "I won't take him over Lil' Wayne or Nelly."
His suspect taste aside, what the hell is Skip Bayless doing in this kind of debate? Either he's clowning us all or he's a clueless egomaniac who actually thinks he has something important to say about the the culture of hip-hop. We suspect some sort of combination with a slight edge to the latter.