Image via Complex Original
While bumper-to-bumper rage is an inescapable byproduct of driving, motorists have complete control over how they handle their anger while sitting behind the wheel. And, when it comes to being a gentleman (read: not getting out of your car with a pitching wedge in one hand and an extended middle finger in the other), nonchalant coolness is the best way to go. Look, we've all been cut off, honked at, and called a "jerk-off" during the high intensity work commute. But today, Complex Rides dopes you on how to handle those situations like a refined bawse.
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Do not position your fingers or arms in a manner that another driver would see as a personal attack.
Mixing it up with people in cars is a dangerous proposition because they're only visible from the shoulders up. Meaning, if your antagonist can squat the weight of a full-grown bull moose, his physical prowess won't be known until he steps out of the vehicle to donkey kick your teeth out.
The easiest way to bait these lunatics is through miming a hand job motion in their direction or by flipping the middle finger. So, unless you want your final moments on this planet to be spent simulating a graphic, purposefully incendiary sex act, it's important to remain prudent in the driver's seat.
When it comes to using your automobile's warning device, exercise restraint.
Using your horn in a fit of road rage is like grunting at the squat rack: it's okay in small doses, but excessive use makes you look like a complete jerk-off. If a guy makes an aggressive lane change in front of your car, let him have his moment. To lay on the steering wheel is to channel life's shortcomings into a 60-second-long, aggressively loud "A" note. Don't broadcast your broken dreams for all of rush hour traffic to hear.
If things start to get a little chippy, keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle behind locked doors.
In a fit of road rage, stepping out of the vehicle is a moment of no return. You're either going to end up in handcuffs or slumped over the hood of you car in a WorldStar video. Besides, fighting in traffic is second only to fighting near the mouth of a volcano in terms of amplified danger. How many rush hour martyrs do you remember? Exactly. Don't try to be a hero.
Keep a calming rhythm and blues station preset on your radio to create a smooth and warm environment.
A well-timed Brian McKnight joint can do wonders to lower a man's blood pressure. If a careless driver makes an aggressive left turn in front of your car, you can either tailgate that jerk-off to a nearby gas station and get your ass kicked or play a Keith Sweat song and cruise safely to your home. The choice is yours.
Keep to your original path of motion and do not disturb others.
Know who you are as a driver and position yourself on the highway accordingly. If you putt along at the speed limit, then stay to the right. If you're a mover and a shaker, then you have carte blanche to rip up the passing lane like Kyle Busch on bath salts. It's that simple. You can avoid a potentially hazardous roadside altercation by sticking to the right track.
Whenever possible, avoid high intensity road environments.
NFL stadium parking lots and the roadways surrounding MMA fights are rife with dudes who will beat your balls in for not signaling. By avoiding these areas, a gentleman maximizes his ability to drive another day. If you find yourself in a high stress environment, curb your urge to slander other drivers. This is especially true in traffic because a car surrounded by brake lights is one that's easy to catch.
Take responsibility for thy actions, regardless of who was truly at fault.
By simply mouthing “My bad, bruh,” with a self-deferential head nod, one can diffuse most of the angst-driven fuckery associated with road rage. It's amazing how quickly a hot head can go from wanting to uppercut your nose through your face to requiting an admission of guilt with, "Don't sweat it, we're cool." In sum, a gentleman is not afraid to fall on the sword for the sake of his work commute.
Focus on yourself, and keep your eyes on the road ahead.
By focusing on the road and trying to be a competent driver, a gentleman vastly decreases his chances of catching feelings from a fellow motorist. Generally speaking, problems occur when drivers fuck around on Tinder or labor over a tweet. First, you're more likely to screw up. And, second, whoever you cut off is going to see you adding an Amaro filter to a selfie and get extra turnt up. Worry about your driving, and the rest will take care of itself.
When in doubt, smile and move along.
Don't let the exhaust fumes and perpetually blinking signals of fellow commuters get to you, bud. A gentleman does not react to a careless motorist by screaming the C-word and holding down the car horn. So, keep a level head out there. The coolest thing a gentleman can do is rise above the nonsense.
Checketh yourself before thou wrecketh yourself (or car, as it were).
People who say "trouble finds me" often have no fewer than three active restraining orders and a lifetime ban from the neighborhood IHOP. So, if you've been involved in more than four legitimately hostile road rage episodes in the last year, then you're the problem. And, quite frankly, your crazed wrath probably has little to do with clumsy lane changes or a Chrysler Town & Country going 55 MPH in the passing lane. In sum, you're going to have to get to the root of that anger because—right now—there isn't a comprehensive guide in the world that can turn you into a gentleman.