Image via Complex Original
It ain't easy being an athlete. You have to be blessed the right genes, the will to dedicate countless hours in the gym, and the toughness to withstand constant public scrutiny. The same thing goes for music, except that instead of hitting the gym for hours, musicians often spend countless nights locked in the studio. Everybody grinds here.
Unfortunately, a lot of athletes fail to realize the amount of time and actual talent it takes to become a legit musician. Don't get us wrong, there are some good athletes-turned-musicians out there (peep Yankee great Bernie Williams on the guitar), but this is just a minority. When it comes to athletes making music videos, we usually have some truly hilarious attempts, while others have us going, "damn... just, damn." Deion Sanders', the NFL Hall of Famer who made one of the worst music videos of all time, birthday is today and we thought we'd celebrate with The 50 Funniest Athlete Music Videos. Shake your head at these with caution, because the sheer number of SMH moments in these next few slides may give you neck problems.
Written by Brian Josephs (@Bklyn_Rock)
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50. Kevin Durant, Andre Iguodala, Rashard Lewis, & Mo Williams "Hyperize" (2009)
Too much swag here. This video is just all sorts of insanity: basketball colored bowling balls, showgirls, a Nike Hyperize-grilling cookout, Mo Williams balling out of his mind...in Jheri curls. It's all so funny, why waste time criticizing the bars. And if you must hate on Durant's bars, think about it this way—he could do way worse.
49. '87 L.A. Lakers "Just Say No" (1987)
It's no secret that crack was an American epidemic from the mid-to-late '80s. We figured that the solution to the problem at least includes a sensible effort from the government, social awareness, and community intervention. Not a bad music video with the whole team in colorful short shorts. How could Magic Johnson, a member of the Dream Team, be part of such a nightmare?
48. Ron Artest "Work Out" (2009)
World Peace's raps makes less sense than some of his on-court antics, and that's an achievement in itself. This is literally bar after bar of just the most random, incoherent lines ever recorded. And some of the stuff you'll hear is the sort passed around at a high schooler's lunch table. "I don't like to kiss ass like foreplay/That's why I could never do a movie with Beyonce." At least the women in the video look good right?
47. Juan Pierre "World Series Celebration Freestyle" (2003)
How do you know just how bad Juan Pierre's freestyle is? When even the Sportscenter announcer makes a joke at your efforts. Or what about when Shaquille O'Neal, of all people, has a better freestyle? Shame he had to take this large of an L right after he wins the World Series.
46. Dominic Cook, Justin Winters, & Naaman Roosevelt "We On" (2011)
We feel that shots of a Corvette coupled with random footage of you and your homies hanging out just doesn't justify a nearly five-and-a-half-minute video—especially when the song is this poor. Wide receiver Naaman Roosevelt starts off his verse with the prophetic "I'm addicted to that lights, I'm addicted to that cash/I'm addicted to them titties, I'm addicted to that ass." If you grind hard and this is the best you can come up with, rapping is just not for you bro.
45. Bronson Arroyo "Slide (Cover)" (2005)
It takes a true champ to at least try not to sound like a douche when covering the Goo Goo Dolls' "Slide." Arroyo was coming off a year which included a comeback from a 3-0 deficit against the Yankees in the ALCS, and a subsequent World Series championship with the Boston Red Sox. So naturally he was up for the task, and unfortunately, he failed.
Arroyo's guitar playing is solid, but what ruins it is how his voice feels like sandpaper against your eardrums. Mind you he released a whole album of him singing. And here, Arroyo is forced to restart the song because apparently someone messed up the chords. He doesn't sound any better the second time around, and ironically, the pitcher feels out of pitch.
44. '87 Calgary Flame "Red Hot" (1987)
Never mind those shockingly huge mustaches. Don't worry about how the brass section never blinks during the whole video. Disregard that the whole thing sounds like a reject off the Rocky IV soundtrack. Just be fully aware that these are the Calgary Flames. And they're red hot.
43.' 88 Florida Seminoles "Florida Seminole Rap"
Besides being an all-around bad music video, the "Florida Seminole Rap" is notable for featuring an early Deion Sanders. Even then he showed no promise of musical talent as he spits lines like "Hey I'm Deion Sanders, you should know my name/But if you don't then I'm not to blame." If only someone gave him the proper guidance then to save us from his disaster five years later.
42. Delonte West "KFC Freestyle" (2009)
Yeah this freestyle is horrible, but let's be honest for a minute. How many of us have done (and maybe recorded) dumb shit while waiting at the drive through? West waited for over 18 minutes for his chicken, and he simply had to do something to pass that unfairly long wait time. Before you judge his artistically flawed way of coping, just remember there's a Delonte West in all of us.
41. Liverpool FC "Anfield Rap" (1988)
The Liverpool club has recorded five singles, and its most well-known is the lazily-titled "Anfield Rap." Yeah, the song is pretty awful, but we can at least appreciate its novelty. You can't be too mad at the LL Cool J and The Beatles (who came from Liverpool) homage. But if you're still upset, at least take solace in Liverpool losing the FA Cup Final of that year.
40. Cedric Ceballos f/ Warren G "Flow On" (1994)
This is just about as uninspired of a basketball star-turned-rapper video as you can get. Here, Ceballos beats someone on the basketball court and then goes back to the mansion where the homies and honeys are waiting. Yawn. Ceballos' lines are just as weak. With bars like "Ya start to wonder, I know your name is Stevie" and "Tickity tock, dont stop, yeah the clock is still tickin/Ya booty chicken rhymes, mine's a finger lickin," you just have to shake your head.
39. Terry Bradshaw "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" (1970)
Bradshaw's job was completing passes for his team and the other team (his TD-INT ratio is 212-210), and winning Super Bowls, not making songs. Bradshaw does one of the most robotic performances of Hank William's classic ever seen. And what's with this quarterback always shaking his head just when he's about to hit the high notes? We hope that's not a medical condition.
38. A.C. Green, David Robinson, & Barry Sanders PSA Video for Abstinence
We got to admit that we were amused when Found Footage Fest uncovered this video last year. A few months later we we're left mildly confused. Why are there attractive females on a music video about abstinence?
37. Ben Crane, Bubba Watson, Rickie Fowler, & Hunter Mahan "Oh, Oh, Oh" (2011)
If you mix the Safety Dance with the Village People and douse it with a bottle of awful, you get the Golf Boys "Oh, Oh, Oh." As awful as this is, you can't front and not at least crack a chuckle as Biker Golfer, Hipster Golfer, Hillbilly Golfer, and Glam Rock Golfer (we're not understanding how any of this fits together either) cavort in unison. It's funny, but don't expect any dance crazes coming from this.
36. Delonte West "Livin' Life Fast" (2011)
Hey, wait a sec! "Livin' Life Fast" was on the Delonte West Most Badass Momentslist just a few days ago. How the hell did he make it on this one?
Well, we're looking at a very specific kind of badassery with this video. It takes a true badass to sit there and play The Fast and the Furious, and give not one-tenth of a damn about how bad his joint sounds. He's not going to make a hot video and throw in some models to redeem it. Nah, he's going to enjoy his arcade game while you bang your head against the desk for listening to this poorly done Lex Luger knockoff. That's the type of badassery that will build your character.
35. Stevie Johnson and The Game "Run It Back" (2012)
Johnson has actually shown he was a decent rapper in his mixtape, Why So Serious,, last year. Sadly, his collaboration with The Game—which is comprised of sports references and sexual innuendos—is almost as bad as the Buffalo Bills record for the past decade or so. Here, Johnson is dropping lyrical gems like "I hit the hole like Arian" and "Splash like Nash at the free throw/Wet, she wetter than a wet suit." And by gems we mean the ones as real as those on bedazzled jeans.
34. Manny Pacquiao "Sometimes When We Touch" (2011)
It's one thing to have that guilty pleasure favorite song that we sing in private. It's a completely different thing to go out and actually record a cover of the song. Manny Pacquiao does just that with his personal favorite "Sometimes When We Touch," with Dan Hill in the background.
It's not that his singing is bad. It's just so awkward to watch him baring his soul in the form of a decades' old love song. The dude has a sparkle in his eye for the whole video. We just can't handle this sort of emotional intensity.
33. Lou Williams "Imma Boss" Freestyle (2011)
Being one of the hottest rappers in the game (Meek Mill), in one of the hottest cliques (Maybach Music Group), and dropping one of last year's biggest bangers? That's boss.
Copying someone else's flow, spitting wack rhymes, and getting ready to play with the Atlanta Hawks? That's Lou Williams.
32. Marquis Daniels "Kome Here Nikki" (2010)
We can dig the Grand Theft Auto parody. It's just unfortunate that we have to listen to the whole thing on mute. This track sounds so sleezy and dirty that you're left genuinely concerned about Nikki's well-being. Plus, really? Come with a "K"? We'd say stick to basketball, but...
31. '90 Miami Dolphins "Can't Touch Us" (1990)
At first, this seems like another shameless song parody by a sports team, but a closer look at "Can't Touch Us" reveals another case of life mimicking art. MC Hammer's rap career crumbled as he went bankrupt and became lyrical cannon fodder. Likewise, the Dolphins remained tame since they released the song and they've made it past the Divisional Playoffs just once since then.
It's worth noting that the song takes a direct shot at the Buffalo Bills. Miami would go on to lose to Buffalo in the AFC Conference finals, and then lose to the Bills two consecutive times in 1992 and 1995. The Dolphins wouldn't actually be able to touch Buffalo in postseason until their 1998 victory in the Wild Card Round.
30. Fozzy "With the Fire" (2002)
A few times the WWE script would have the wrestlers poking fun at Chris Jericho's hard rock band, Fozzy. These aren't just jokes, because Fozzy really isn't a good band. "With the Fire" is a forgettable song, but what isn't forgettable is the video.
The first half has Jericho performing in front of a crowd and being caressed by women, with a midget and a driver with a pig mask escorting Jericho to the shindig for good measure. Fair enough. Then things get crazy in the second half when Jericho falls in love with an elderly woman out of nowhere. A dance routine that varies from a hoedown to the robot follows afterwards and lasts until the band suddenly ends up in the middle of the street just jamming out (mind you, one of them is wearing medieval armor). Was it the music video that was bad, or were we on a real bad trip?
29. '86 L.A. Raiders "Silver and Black Attack" (1986)
How ironic is it that one of the most fearsome NFL teams of the '70s-80s can sound so soft on the mic? Were these really the men that struck fear into the hearts of the opposing team on a weekly basis? Apparently, that's a yes. And yes that's legendary running back Marcus Allen telling us "If you wanna win, you got to score/Even when you're tired and your muscles are sore." Thanks, Coach Allen. And if that piece of advice didn't amp you up, the awful guitar solo certainly will.
28. Tony Parker f/ Fabolous & Booba "Top of the Game" (2007)
Tony Parker is actually a big fan of hip-hop. However, just because you're a fan doesn't necessarily you mean you should start rapping, It's not that we have anything against rapping in French (he does so for his entire studio album, TP). It's that the song and video as a whole don't make much sense.
First of all that beat is just extremely weak. And while Fabolous' verse is OK, it just doesn't make the song any better (maybe because the beat is just THAT bad). Plus, the party that's going on seems lame, with the same overhead shot of the same group of people. Then, Tim Duncan, Parker, Robert Horry, and Nazr Mohammed randomly decide to play a basketball game, which would've been fine if we didn't have to watch them play 82 times a year already.
Sure enough, this wouldn't be Parker's last unfortunate encounter with hip-hop.
27. '94 New York Knicks "Go NY Go" (1994)
Knicks fans had a lot to get hype for in the 1993-94 season: Patrick Ewing was being Patrick Ewing, Starks still had heart (RIP MCA), and New York was on its way to making a run to the Finals in the playoffs. So why exactly was it necessary to make this video?
26. Bob and Mike Bryan "Autograph" (2009)
At the end of this video, text in front of a black background reads "The Bryan Bros. Band's hot selling CD, is available on iTunes." It must've been talking about a completely different album, because we can't imagine any album being hot with "Autograph" as its single. The parody song has the band "rapping" verses about their fame, and by the time they hit the hook, you're reminded that falsetto just ain't for everybody. Was it the fans' fault for even asking for autographs in the first place?
25. Kyle Petty "Oh King Richard" (1995)
Kyle Petty's tribute to legendary NASCAR driver Richard Petty, his father, touched the hearts of many while his long, terrible hairstyle caught the eyes of many more. While we can appreciate its honest intentions, the junior high school level songwriting simply can't be ignored. "Oh King Richard, man they trying to get ya/But they never can get ya/Because you can drive?" "Just look out below/Some bump on your bumper, you're running too slow?" Come on, man.
24. '85 Seattle Seahawks "Cuz the Blue Wave is on a Roll" (1985)
With the typical training shots and on-the-field footage combined with horrible backing track, "Cuz the Blue Wave is on a Roll" lost in every facet of the modern music video. Seahawks weren't really on a roll in the first place. Their record dropped from 12-4 in 1984 to 8-8 in 1985. Not exactly the hottest blue streak.
23. '86 New York Mets "Let's Go" (1986)
Mets fans had it all in 1986: the best record in franchise history, a World Series title, their own theme song. But the theme song was like a relative unwittingly serving you Frosted Flakes with spoiled milk. Yeah, the thought was nice, but he/she should've realized the screw-up before we got the tummy ache
And like a really bad tummy ache, "Let's Go" is one piece of the 1986 season that can't be ignored. This song is just all sorts of cheesy, so cheesy in fact that it feels like it should've been the theme song to a PBS Kids show. But hey, at least ya'll won the World Series, right?
22. Roy Jones Jr. "Ya'll Must Have Forgot" (2006)
Life wasn't so sweet for Roy Jones Jr. in 2006. He was reeling from losing three straight boxing matches, and his legendary career that started with 34 straight victories was in jeopardy. But instead of going to the gym and putting in work, Rocky style, Jones Jr. decided to hit the recording booth, struggle rapper style. Here, Jones Jr. attempts to remind us about all of his accomplishments before his slump. Ironically, the video helped us forget his achievements and drew attention to the fact that boxers and music just don't mix.
21. Tony Parker "Premiere Love" (2007)
We don't speak French. But there are a lot of cues that tells us that what Parker's saying probably isn't worthwhile. Like how the piano sounds as if it were ripped straight from a scene in 7th Heaven. Or how the basketball love story presented here feels like something from one of those overdramatic teen dramas. Lastly, you'd think Parker's trying to go for an emotional feel, but he just can never find a way to stop sounding so damn stiff. He made an album's worth of this material folks.
20. Ron Artest "Fever" (2006)
Metta World Peace, f.k.a. Ron Artest, is known for keeping it turnt up throughout his career. This makes the tameness and ultimate failure of "Fever" that much more disappointing. The whole time he's just sitting around women while rhyming just to rhyme—with no purpose whatsoever. It's the type of thing that'll make your eyes constantly roll, perhaps enough times to blind you. The most absurd part? Out of nowhere, with about a minute left in the song, Artest decides to break it down into a twerk song. This just isn't the way.
19. '88 Philadelphia Eagles "Buddy's Watching You"
The proceeds of this video (like this infamous "Super Bowl Shuffle") went to help those in need, while at the same time punishing a society who was unfair to them with an awful song. It's the craziest thing. How is it possible that nearly every person on a posse cut stays off beat during their respective verses. Then again, what more can you expect from an NFL team's music video?
18. Mr. T "Treat Your Mother Right" (1984)
What to do when someone is disrespecting mothers? Well Mr. T certainly can't spank them, so he's forced to do an even worse punishment: making a song. Complete with a backup female trio and Mr. T's inappropriately masculine vocals, Mr. Baracus speaks on the virtues of respect in the form of a grade school poem. Alright Mr. T, we'll listen to our mothers. Just as long as you promise to never make music again.
17. William Perry "The Refrigerator Man"(Late '80s)
Outlandish braggadocio is commonplace in rap, but this is just outright irresponsible. Perry brags "I eat linemen for lunch, I eat quarterbacks for dinner/To wash it all down, I drink paint thinner." Paint thinner is a toxic substance my dude, chill. The worst part of this whole thing is the hook, where Perry is insistent on reminding us he's "The Refrigerator Man" before he breaks out one of the most obnoxious laughs ever recorded. Forget his nickname, there's nothing cool about his flow.
16. Stephen Jackson "The Season"
Interviewer: You can see the first two months of the season. Ratings are down, attendance is down during the fall. How would you assess this urgency to get this deal done and keep an 82-game season intact?
Random Sample: Bitch, shut the fuck up!
So instead of being a professional and answering the question, Jackson goes on a two-and-a-half-minute rant about money and jewels. Instead of trying to avoid making a hip-hop fail, Jackson ends up doing just that and gets traded to the San Antonio Spurs while Milwaukee barely misses the playoffs. Sigh.
15. '86 Los Angeles Dodgers "Baseball Boogie" (1986)
There's not a lot of baseball-related entries on this list, which mean players actually learned from this mistake. There's just way too much boogying for comfort here. And chill with the hip thrusts, ya'll might poke an eye out. #ayo
14. '86 Los Angeles Rams "Ram It" (1986)
"I learned long ago how to ram it just right/To be rammin' all day to be rammin' all night."
"I don't stop coming till I put 'em on their back."
We're just gonna leave this one alone. #keepingitclassy
13. WWF "Land of a Thousand Dances" (1985)
This video can very well ruin your childhood. Within four minutes, the badassery of the Iron Sheik, Hulk Hogan, and Roddy Piper has been reduced to corny one-liners. We can't image how The Wrestling Album was supposed to be a good idea, but it seems people let a lot of things slide in the '80s.
12. Randy "Macho Man" Savage "Speaking From The Heart" (1983)
It's no secret that what happens in the WWE ring isn't real. But you know what is real? The tacky shades, that horrible hook, and that uncomfortably colorful outfit. This was the '80s, and this was real life.
11. Jacques Villeneuve "Accepterais-tu" (2006)
Ever wanted to listen to a ridiculously bad guitar pop record sung on the mountains, in French? Well, ladies and gentlemen, here's former F1 driver Jacques Villeneuve.
10. San Francisco 49ers "49ers Rap" (Late '80s)
Yet another example of the catastrophic effects of the "Super Bowl Shuffle." It's hard to make it through the first minute of the song with those horrible backing horns and that shot of the guy who looks like he couldn't handle a Sour Patch. But if you stay past the first minute you get a treat: Jerry Rice. That's right, the great Jerry Rice got a chance to lay down some bars, and boy was it ugly. Thankfully, his verse is really short. And what's good with Lonnie Rott's bad Ice Cube impersonation?
9. Shaquille O'Neal "(I Know I Got) Skillz" (1993)
If we had to choose between Kazaam or his music career as Shaq's worst contribution to the arts, we'd probably pick Kazaam. But don't sleep on the mediocrity of his rapping skills, especially on "(I Know I Got) Skillz." In the video, Shaq just looks all kinds of awkward and misplaced as he tries to rap and dance in the urban environment. Shaq also spits lines like "Then I'll punch you in the stomach, I don't give a heck" and "Rocks from here to Mecca/Boom shack-a-lak-a-lak-a." You have to wonder if Shaq was really about that life.
8. Wyclef Jean f/ The Rock "It Doesn't Matter" (2000)
We all love us some of The Rock, but this is ridiculous. When he says "It Doesn't Matter," he's supposed to be getting ready to lay the smackdown on some jabronies, not laying his one-layer on a below-average Wyclef Jean joint. The former Fugee has The Rock looking like a fool instead of a champ. We smell what The Rock is cooking here, and it stinks.
7. John Cena "My Time is Now" (2005)
The idea of a championship wrestler who raps sounds awesome on paper. But awesomeness quickly turns into disappointment not too long after the nerve-grating horns start playing. We can respect a muscle bound b-boy at least trying to make a decent record, but everything about this video seems fake, from the nausea-inducing cuts to the obnoxious stills of his name. Plus, the dude has no idea what the hell he wants to rap about. He goes from "If they hate, let 'em hate, I drop your whole clan/Lay your ass down for the three second tan" to "A man's measured by the way that he thinks/Not clothing lines, ice links, leather and minks." Sigh.
6. Deion Sanders "Must Be the Money" (1993)
"You know ever since I turned pro in 1989, when I signed the dotted line/People's strange, cause things change for the better and for the worse/So I called my momma and she said "Baby, must be the money."
Thus begins one of the most ridiculous, unforgivable, preposterous, and downright worst displays of narcissism ever committed to tape. We understand having haters sucks. But if you're gonna make a song in response, at least rhyme like you're half way sober. Deion Sanders was in his late twenties when he made "Must Be the Money," but he dances with the video models with the swag and awkwardness of a 5th grader at the Valentines' Day dance.
Fun Fact: Sanders, who was signed to MC Hammer's label, filmed the video at the emcee's house before it went up for auction as Hammer went broke. So yeah, definitely was the money.
5. Kobe Bryant "K.O.B.E" (2000)
Legend has it that Bryant was actually working on an album at the turn of the decade. The fact that it was never released is a victory for all of us since we could have ended up with more of "K.O.B.E." Like many of the athletes on this list, "K.O.B.E" was another example of an extremely cockyathlete whose ego simply imploded on itself in the form of music. This time it's in a few meaningless lines about nothing but cars, money, and women. Original, right?
The crazy thing about his whole performance is that Bryant looks so self-assured that "K.O.B.E" is actually good, like he isn't in on the joke. But unfortunately, this joint is wack with two wiggities in front of it. Word to Kriss Kross.
4. Steve Francis "Finer Things" (2012)
What's more painful than Steve Francis' tenure on the Knicks? (Hint: It's this.) It's not that we're jealous that he seems to be living the high life. We just feel that our ears don't deserve to go through such mediocrity. Francis brought absolutely no credibility to his hip-hop label, Mazerati Music with his weak flow and his unfortunate lyrics. Plus, we just can't help be wonder if he seen this type of video countless times before. As in a decade or two ago and three times better.
Good news? His rap career may be more short-lived than his time in New York.
3. '85 Chicago Bears "The Super Bowl Shuffle" (1985)
The '80s were marked by a myriad of abominable music videos by NFL teams, and it all started with the popularity of "The Super Bowl Shuffle." The '85 Bears song is the only hit single made by a team of any sport, but it's debatable if that's even a true achievement. This song was so cheesy that is may have damaged the credibility of athletes-turned-musicians everywhere. Walter Payton is one of the best running backs ever, but far from the best rapper. "Samurai" Mike Singletary's verse is a struggle as well.
Nobody can really be too mad at this though. The Bears were having one of the best seasons ever (they were 15-1 and went on to win that year's Super Bowl), and fan Richard “Dick” Meyer wrote, produced, and choreographed the song to celebrate. Plus, the team donated $300,000 off the single's profits to help support needy families in the Chicago area. Mediocrity for a good cause.
2. Oscar De La Hoya "Run to Me" (2000)
When you see that Oscar De La Hoya was actually nominated for a Grammy for his debut album, Oscar De La Hoya, you think that this guy may have some talent. But when you watch "Run to Me," you're left asking what The Academy was possibly thinking.
The treatment is a parade of '90s music video cliches: the lonely schnook on the couch, the lovebird chasing his target throughout the video, the close-up of the singer "singing," the random parade in the streets. And there's glitter. Yes, this is how we get down in De La Hoyasville.
The song itself is bad not because of how emotional it tries to be, but just how mushy, boring, and unoriginal it is. Kudos to you if you can make it through the three-and-a-half minutes.
1. Carl Lewis "Break It Up" (1987)
Cocky, flamboyant, but most importantly great, Carl Lewis was a legend for his achievements in track and field. His failures as a musician are also legendary, and "Break It Up" stands as his most dubious achievement. There's nothing wrong with a workout/performance montage, but this video is one of the most rancid forms of '80s cheese imaginable. It looks like dude outright stole his swag from Grace Jones (look her up kids).
Unfortunately, Lewis didn't learn from the mistake. In 1993, he attempted to sing the national anthem before an NBA game...with poor results.