Image via USA TODAY Sports / Jennifer Stewart
1.
There isn't a whole lot going on in the Eastern Conference these days. The Knicks look awful. The Cavaliers are starting to bounce back. Dropping Josh Smith was the magic move that (albeit briefly) set the Pistons ablaze. Toronto x OVO is a power. The Wizards are fulfilling their potential. Yadda yadda yadda. It's kinda boring. Sports is one part human achievement, but the other parts that attract us are all about drama. Where's the drama in the East? The Hawks leading the conference? Ew. People from Atlanta don't even care that much about the Hawks if the attendance numbers are any indicator.
Let's shake things up a little. The Bulls look good, but this is the NBA. Good ain't good enough until you're great, and the Bulls certainly aren't great. And Derrick Rose hasn't been the great we once saw in quite some time. He's not the only problem, but shooting under 41 percent isn't cool. But when Rose is on, he's on, and that's part of what still makes him valuable.
You know where we're going with this. Here are 15 totally serious, not-at-all-joking ESPN Trade Machine-Approved Deals for Derrick Rose that the Bulls absolutely have to do to win a championship. Or, you know, for the entertainment value.
2.Westbrook Gotta Go
Team(s) Involved: Thunder
Player(s) Involved: Russell Westbrook, Kendrick Perkins, Steven Adams, Taj Gibson
Wins Gained: -7
The Thunder have been good this season after Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant returned from injury, but not great. Could it be that they just weren't destined for greatness as a duo? Maybe, but that is a lot of shot attempts to be splitting between two people. Derrick Rose, on the other hand, would be happier to defer to Durant during key moments. Westbrook might flourish, too, and Tom Thibodeau probably would have the cojones to bark on him if he gets out of hand. No pouting for Westbrook.
3.Kobe Bryant to Bulls?
Team(s) Involved: Lakers
Player(s) Involved: Kobe Bryant
Wins Gained: -7
Let's face it: Kobe Bryant is getting too old to be doing Kobe Bryant things on the court. He's out for the season again with injury. It's time to move on to more successful pastures over in Chi-Town. There won't be too much strain on Bryant since he has Joakim Noah and (hopefully) Jimmy Butler shouldering the weight. And, hey—he gets to reunite with Pau Gasol. Lastly, you know, since he wants to be Michael Jordan so bad…
4.From Eight to the Top
Team(s) Involved: Heat
Player(s) Involved: Luol Deng, Mario Chalmers, Danny Granger
Wins Gained: 2
"The Heat will make it back to he Finals very soon with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh carrying the team." My homeboy has some weird fetish for D Wade, and while he might agree with that last statement, any other reasonable person doesn't actually believe that. It's time to make some moves. Get Rose, a player who is more apt for showtime over Mario Chalmers, a player whose sonning at the hands of James scarred him for life. The Heat have a lot to offer for him.
5.Nowitzki…A Bull?
Team(s) Involved: Mavericks
Player(s) Involved: Dirk Nowitzki, Devin Harris, Raymond Felton
Wins Gained: 3
Would Derrick Rose work better as a shooting guard on the Mavericks? Perhaps with Rajon Rondo at point. Plus, the Bulls are definitely going to eat with Dirk Nowitzki helping them out. Pau, Dirk, and Noah? Make it work, Thibs!
6.Wall-Beal-Rose
Team(s) Involved: Wizards
Player(s) Involved: Paul Pierce, Andre Miller, Martell Webster
Wins Gained: 2
Derrick Rose? Off the bench?! That's not a crazy thought; Rose has been good, but not MVP-good as he was before the injury. You have one of the strongest backcourts in the NBA with the Wizards, so why not get some extra firepower off the bench with Rose? It's not like Rose isn't going to get his regardless. But, then again, Rose is Chicago's hope. There would be mutiny if such a fate befell him.
7.The Rose-Griffin-Paul Connection
Team(s) Involved: Clippers
Player(s) Involved: J.J. Redick, Spencer Hawes, Matt Barnes, Jordan Farmar
Wins Gained: 1
The Bulls need some extra firepower. The kind of firepower that you don't wince at every time he lands on the hardwood. Chicago gets that with the trade. Plus: Blake Griffin, Derrick Rose, and Derrick Rose in one team? Too many bosses!
8.Crowd the Paint
Team(s) Involved: Rockets
Player(s) Involved: Patrick Beverley, Dwight Howard
Wins Gained: 0
You know it secretly burns Dwight Howard up inside that this is James Harden's team. That “misfortune” might change if he comes to Chicago. Chicago gets a stronger frontcore corps, and Rose gets to flourish in the south next to James Harden.
9.Goodbye Rose, Hello Lillard
Team(s) Involved: Blazers, Raptors
Player(s) Involved: Lamarcus Aldridge, Damian Lillard, Landry Fields, Robin Lopez, Pau Gasol, Jimmy Butler, Kyle Lowry, Tyler Hansbrough
Wins Gained: -6
Again, getting something that gives you less heebie jeebies than Derrick Rose's knee is not a bad deal. So there's that and the fact that Lillard averages more in assists and shots than Rose. Plus, the Trail Blazers come up with a still-useful Pau Gasol and Jimmy Butler, and the Raptors end up with Robin Lopez and Derrick Rose. Everybody wins. Hollinger is trippin'.
10.Jennings for MVP
Team(s) Involved: Pistons
Player(s) Involved: Brandon Jennings, Jodie Meeks, Caron Butler
Wins Gained: 6
We wrote about it, but it's time to get Brandon Jennings his due (next season). Jennings gets more shine by playing for a marketable and competitive team like Chicago. Pistons get…err, better ticket sales with Rose.
11.Trade Gasol, Invest in Tomorrow
Team(s) Involved: Grizzlies, Timberwolves
Player(s) Involved: Marc Gasol, Andrew Wiggins, Tony Snell, Pau Gasol, Jamell Stokes
Wins Gained: -1
Switching Gasol Brothers in Chicago isn't a bad deal. One's arguably one of the most underrated players in the NBA. The other is soft but effective. Andrew Wiggins has been underperforming slightly (at least compared to his hype last year), but the kid isn't even at the legal drinking age yet. He can be a tremendous threat in the near future. The only downside: Somebody would have to drug everyone in the Timberwolves' front office for this to happen.
12.Maybe This Big Three Thing Isn't Working
Team(s) Involved: Cleveland
Player(s) Involved: Kevin Love, Kyrie Irving, Mike Miller, Joakim Noah
Wins Gained: 5
One of the worse kinds of relationships is a forced relationship. Cleveland's big three has been kind of like that, although they've admittedly seemed to turn things around. You move Pau Gasol over at center (certainly not Love) and you get a nice situation going on in the frontcourt. Then you have much better shooters in Kyrie Irving and Mike Miller. The Bulls are ninth in points, but it would feel a bit better if they were up another eight places, no?
13.Tell Kawhi Leonard to Come Through
Team(s) Involved: Spurs
Player(s) Involved: Tiago Splitter, Manu Ginobili, Kawhi Leonard, Jimmy Butler
Wins Gained: 1
It doesn't look like the Spurs are getting that repeat this year—at least not when the Warriors exist. Frankly, the Spurs may not win one in a while if Father Time has his say. Father Time can't mess with the power of a good trade, though. Jimmy Butler is gonna put up them points, and Rose gon' Rose. Meanwhile, Chicago gets a good mix of young and old with Manu Ginobili, his baldspot, Tiago Splitter, and the mercurial personality known as Kawhi Leonard.
14.Bulls Get Knicks, New York Gets…Something
Team(s) Involved: Knicks
Player(s) Involved: Carmelo Anthony, Jimmy Butler
Wins Gained: -3
Let's entertain the idea that building a team around Carmelo Anthony isn't the way to go, and Phil Jackson wises up and decides to trade him. Well, the Knicks would probably prefer having plenty of cap space to play with if they're trying to rebuild a team. Derrick Rose and Jimmy Butler as Knicks sort of works, especially compared to what they had before. Anthony's points will actually have a purpose in Chicago.
15.The Union of Anthony Davis and Derrick Rose
Team(s) Involved: Pelicans
Player(s) Involved: Tyreke Evans, Jrue Holiday, Mike Dunleavy
Wins Gained: 5
You know how excited Anthony Davis would be if he gets Derrick Rose on his squad? It would be a Chicago reunion in New Orleans. This trade would mean The Brow would gets more eyes on him, as Rose+Davis would naturally get more headlines than just Davis. The Bulls get a point guard they don't have to drag along. That's if they somehow sell this one, of course.
16.Hornets Get Chance to Shine
Team(s) Involved: Hornets
Player(s) Involved: Al Jefferson, Marvin Williams, Gerald Henderson, Taj Gibson
Wins Gained: 1
The Bulls are looking at a deep bench if this one goes through. And that's OK. Think about it: Would you rather a sometimes good Rose...or Gerald Henderson, Al Jefferson, and Marvin Williams to put in work? Oh yeah, and Jimmy Butler would still be in the cut, too, in the latter case.