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In 1947, the F.B.I. debuted the "Most Wanted Fugitive List" and three years later the bureau permanently instituted the “Ten Most Wanted Fugitives” program. Sixty-five years later, it arguably remains the agency's most identifiable trademark.
Who knows if our NBA's Most Wanted List will stand the test of time, but do know that familiarizing yourself with our list is guaranteed not to depress or scare the crap out of you like reading the F.B.I.'s.
Their list prioritizes suspects wanted for terrorism, white collar crimes, gang violence, and crimes against the indefensible. Our's highlights those who have committed crimes against the game of basketball, like gross impersonation of a superstar, franchise fraud, and false imprisonment. When the pros slip up, we're here to call them out, and we hope this list will be around 65 years from now when there's a 4-point line and the cryogenically-frozen head of Gregg Popovich is still coaching the Spurs.
Wanted for Arson: Steph Curry
Position: Guard
Height: 6-foot-3
Weight: 190 pounds
Curry, arguably the game's best player, is wanted for setting fire to the rest of the NBA. At 28-1, no team in NBA history has been better out of the gates than Golden State through its first 29 games. And no player has had as many "wow" moments as Curry this season, lighting up the nets NBA Jam style with the sweetest stroke in the Association. Authorities are warning defenders not to let Curry leave their sight but acknowledge even then there's little they can do to stop him from burning them off the dribble with his devastating quickness and precision handle. —Adam Caparell
Wanted for Disorderly Conduct: James Harden
Position: Guard
Height: 6-foot-5
Weight: 225 pounds
If former Warriors coach Mark Jackson thinks Steph Curry is “ruining basketball” with his ludicrous three-point accuracy, one has to wonder what he makes of James Harden. A year after leading the league in free-throw attempts and free throws made, Harden is again the leader in both categories. He’s also leading the league in turnovers, proving that his all-chaos-all-the-time technique may still need some work. We could ask coach Kevin McHale about it, but he isn’t around anymore. HMMMMM. —Russ Bengtson
Wanted for Espionage: Kristaps Porzingis
Position: Forward
Height: 7-foot-3
Weight: 240 pounds
“If he dies, he dies.” That’s what the Lativan giant told Phil Jackson in reference to Karl Anthony Towns at the start of the season. Kristaps has been trained to assimilate to American culture since birth: the cornrows, the headbands, the Future listening sessions, and the Friday trilogy screenings have allowed him to trick the gullible Americans into believing he’s not a threat. Towns all but had the Rookie of the Year sewn up once he went No. 1, but Porzingis had other plans. Knicks fans booed him on draft night thinking his fate would be similar to Europeans past who couldn’t hack it in the New World. But now? He's the main attraction in the Big Apple and has left havoc in his wake, earning him the moniker "Godzingis". The New York Knicks are relevant for all the right reasons again thanks to the beast from the east. —Angel Diaz
Wanted for Extortion: Tristan Thompson
Position: Forward/Center
Height: 6-foot-10
Weight: 238 pounds
The bigman somehow managed to get a 5-year, $82 million dollar deal out of the Cavaliers just before the season started after one postseason run to the Finals where he averaged 9.6 points and 10.8 rebounds per game. Thompson's average annual salary of $16.4 million reportedly makes him the sixth highest paid forward in the league—egregiously, he's making more than Golden State's Draymond Green—and according to sources, Thompson is seen laughing all the way to the bank twice a month. —Adam Caparell
Wanted for False Imprisonment: Chris Paul, Doc Rivers and Blake Griffin
The media cycle moves so fast nowadays that you'd swear the DeAndre Jordan hostage situation happened years ago, when in fact it's only been seven months since Blake Griffin, Paul Pierce, Chris Paul, and Clippers coach Doc Rivers prevented DJ from signing with the Mavericks by literally holding him hostage in his own home. Sure, it was the NBA social media event of the summer. Sure, where DeAndre Jordan plays probably doesn't matter since Steph Curry's Warriors took a flamethrower to the league anyway. But it happened and the guilty parties need to be held accountable for more than a measly $250,000. A quarter mil fine isn't enough when we're talking about a man's freedom. —Maurice Peebles
Wanted for Fraud: Sam Hinkie
Position: G.M., Sixers
Experience: 3 years
Sam Hinkie is a divisive figure in the basketball world. On one hand you have his loyalists—mostly Philadelphia fans who were tired of mediocrity and "Trust the Process" when it comes to Hinkie's plan to fill the bottom of the Sixers' roster with D-league talent in order to find diamonds in the rough and, more importantly, lose games in order to better the team's chances at a high draft pick. On the other hand you have people with functioning eyes. These people can see the pathetic product on the court (presently two wins in 33 tries), watch the TMZ videos of the team's No. 3 overall pick fighting drunk bros in Boston, and read how agents and veterans are avoiding Philly like it's a drug-sniffing K-9 and they've got a kilo strapped to their backs. To these people—the majority of people—Sam Hinkie is the NBA's foremost fraud. —Maurice Peebles
Wanted for Treason: Billy King
Position: G.M., Nets
Experience: 6 years
Hired in 2010 to take over from the legendary Rod Thorn (the man who drafted Michael Jordan) and build on his considerable success, all the former 76ers G.M. has done during his tenure in New Jersey/Brooklyn is drive the Nets into the ground. In acquiring players to meet owner Mikhail Prokhorov's mandate to win a championship ASAP, the Nets do not control their first round draft pick until 2019 and arguably possess the league's bleakest future. Your guess why King's performance hasn't put him on the hotseat is as good as mine. —Adam Caparell
Wanted for Robbery: Joe Johnson
Position: Guard/Forward
Height: 6-foot-7
Weight: 240 pounds
The league's second highest paid player, earning $24.89 million this season (behind Kobe Bryant's $25 million), has been one of the league's most disappointing performers. The six-time All-Star is averaging a paltry 10.8 points per game as the Nets top offensive option and shooting a woeful 35.3 percent from the field, well below his career average. Nets officials are apparently so fed up with Johnson's play as he hogs up valuable salary cap room that he's on the trading block. And if they can't find a suitor for him, they're reportedly open to releasing him. —Adam Caparell
Most Wanted: Kevin Durant
Position: Forward
Height: 6-foot-9
Weight: 240 pounds
One of the most skilled and dangerous scorers the NBA has ever seen, every team will be fawning over themselves this summer to sign Kevin Durant to a max deal—but only a handful truly have a chance. The 27-year-old will enter free agency in the prime of his career and with a deadly arsenal of offensive skills that makes him a threat from every spot on the court, he's expected to command a kingly sum and the kind of "sign with us" presentations that would make LeBron James blush. —Adam Caparell
Wanted for Criminal Impersonation: Kobe Bryant
Position: Guard/Forward
Height: 6-foot-6
Weight: 212 pounds
Kobe Bryant is 37 years old and playing in his final season. Through 28 games, he’s averaged 30 minutes per, not bad for an old man with 50,000-plus minutes on surgically repaired legs. However, despite a few games where he’s looked like his old self, Kobe has mostly looked old, shooting career lows from the field (34 percent) and three (26 percent) while still launching 17 attempts a night. He’s had one dunk this season, which caused him to miss the next game. Who is this guy really? —Russ Bengtson