After yet another failed relationship, you spend yet another Friday night at home with the real loves of your life: your sneakers. The girls you meet don't seem to fulfill your expectations, and the ones that do aren't into you. Now, what? Maybe real relationships aren't for you. Maybe you're meant to kick it with your shoe collection (pun intended) for the rest of your life. Keep reading as we compare your relationship with sneakers to, well, real relationships.
After yet another failed relationship, you spend yet another Friday night at home with the real loves of your life: your sneakers. The girls you meet don't seem to fulfill your expectations, and the ones that do aren't into you. Now, what? Maybe real relationships aren't for you. Maybe you're meant to kick it with your shoe collection (pun intended) for the rest of your life. Keep reading as we compare your relationship with sneakers to, well, real relationships.
Maintenance is important.
It takes time and effort to maintain a relationship. As in, virtually all of your time and a superhuman effort. Sneakers only require attention to precipitation and a Jason Markk kit for when you play a little too dirty.
Sneakers are timeless.
Not everybody believes in the concept of forever. People can change their minds and feelings can dissolve. Sneakers will be with you for as long as you hold on to them... or until they crumble. Basically, nothing lasts forever—OK, this is getting depressing.
Sneakers will never cheat on you.
They will, however, go to the highest bidder. But then again, so do people.
Sneakers won't fight you.
Your sneakers will never be angry at you or fight with you over what you liked on Instagram or who's in your DM's.
You cannot sell your girlfriend for quick cash.
You can sell or trade your sneakers when you don't want them anymore, and sometimes even make a profit. Selling your significant other is illegal in most countries.
Monogamy is not a requirement for sneakers.
You can have as many sneakers as you want (or can afford); not so much with girlfriends (or boyfriends). Having multiple main squeezes is [mostly] frowned upon and quite frankly, too stressful.
Don't be the lonely sneaker guy.
As much of a headache your girlfriend gives you, a good one will hold you down. Stunting on Instagram isn't doing much for the other aspects of your life and licking sneakers will get lonely real quick. Plus, despite the fact that they have tongues, they never, ever reciprocate.