10 Lessons Men Can Learn About Single Women From Sitcoms

When the ladies in your life are too confusing, turn to television for help.

Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

With the second season of Girls underway and the first season of The Mindy Project rolling along with a steady cast of comedy's finest, it's a major time for women on television. In particular, single women. Gone are the days when Sex and the City was the only television reference men had for understanding the opposite sex. Now there's a slew of shows that portray the lives of unattached women.

So what can men glean from all of these story lines? What do they teach the males of America about the women they could potentially date? Quite a bit, actually. To make the comprehension process easier, Complex watched every episode ever of New Girl, The Mindy Project, Girls, Happy Endings, The Office,Parks and Recreation, and The New Normal and plotted all the data points to create a massive, interactive, 3D chart with flashing lights and customized sounds.

Just kidding. What Complex really did was organize all the information into 10 Lessons Men Can Learn About Single Women From Sitcoms. Get your notebook and pencil out. It's time for class.

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Lesson 1: They might be too willing to change.

Sitcom characters: Ann Perkins of Parks and Recreation, Penny Hartz of Happy Endings, Hannah Horvath of Girls, Jane Forrest of The New Normal

There's a number of single women on TV who are just a tad too willing to adjust their lifestyles to the expectations of the men they date.

Take these women, for instance:

Ann on Parks and Rec is actually known in her circle as the woman who takes on the hobbies of her boyfriends, such as Chris' health obsession.

On Happy Endings, Penny spends an entire episode making up dates that involve helmets just so she doesn't have to tell the guy whom she's dating that she had a concussion and has to wear a protective helmet all the time.

Hannah on Girls does all the kinky stuff that Adam wants her to do, even when she finds it awkward or unappealing.

Even the grandmother, Jane Forrest, on The New Normal changes her entire look because she has the hots for a younger man.

Watch your step when it seems like the woman you're dating shares every single one of your interests. You might end up sleeping with a female clone. Though, who knows, maybe you're into that.

Lesson 2: They're up for adventure.

Sitcom characters: Marnie Michaels of Girls, Mindy Lahiri of The Mindy Project, Goldie Clemmons of The New Normal

First of all, let us clarify: nothing says that wifed-up women can't be adventurous. However, there is a certain freedom to roam that comes with being single. In one part, it has to do with not having to send location updates over text, and in another part, with an evolutionary desire to diversify the gene pool.

In a recent episode of Girls, Marnie runs off from her job to check out her favorite artist's house. A taken woman wouldn't do that—too high of a risk of cheating. Also, she probably wouldn't be invited anyway. Moreover, in The Mindy Project, Mindy willingly goes on a date that takes place in a horse carriage in Central Park. Doing the most cliche activity in New York City and allowing the odor of manure to creep into your hair? That's an adventure if we ever saw one. As for The New Normal, Goldie leaves for California and decides to become a surrogate mom/clothing designer only after she leaves her cheating husband/baby daddy.

Blond, brunette, fire engine—who cares? It's single women who have more fun. Remember, adventures aren't restricted to outdoor activities.

Lesson 3: They don't always keep it together.

Sitcom characters: Jess Day of New Girl, Hannah Horvath of Girls, Meredith Palmer of The Office

Being a single woman isn't always easy. One too many bad dates, sloppy tongued kissers, and awkward conversations can send any reasonable woman over the edge. So yes, sometimes solo ladies can't hold every last piece of themselves together.

Take Jess from New Girl: When she loses her job after having lost her cheating boyfriend, Jess suddenly starts having terrible PMS. Not your run-of-the-mill cramps and cravings PMS, but full on talk-to-me-wrong-and-die PMS. Why? Not because it's that time of the month, but because she's anxious and depressed.

Another great example of a single woman losing it is Hannah. This well-known, oft-hated character is generally a bit of mess and sometimes (read: nearly always) she takes it out on other people. There's the episode when Hannah gets her boyfriend hit by a bus, and the other one where she reverts to racism during a break-up.

Life ain't easy for television's single women, and no character embodies that better than Meredith on The Office. This one is an alcoholic, sexaholic, and don't-wanna-know-what-else-aholic. We don't know which of her crazy decisions best encapsulates just how not together she is, but a good one to start with is her most recent impulse to shave her head.

Single ladies might look like they're having all the fun, but they've got just as many problems as the tied down suckers. So, don't run away just because the hot girl you started dating flies into a rage once in a while—she just needs a release.

Lesson 4: They will give you a second chance, and often a third and a fourth.

Sitcom characters: Mindy Lahiri of The Mindy Project, Alex Kerkovic of Happy Endings, Jess Day of New Girl, Jessa Johansson of Girls

Single women aren't military generals. If you screw up, the likelihood is that you will get a second chance. You may have to crawl on your knees for a second or two, but you will be heard. Don't trust us? Take a look at Mindy and her ex-boyfriend Josh. She disliked him on first meeting, but gave him about five to six chances to show his worth. Did he deserve it? Nope, as he is an arrogant douchebag who thinks working as a lawyer for athletes makes him God. But did she accept him anyway? Yep, at least until she discovered his secret wife.

Similarly, Alex on Happy Endings gives the fiancé she dumped at the altar a second chance and rekindles her relationship with him. Jess on New Girl gives her boyfriend Charlie another opportunity after he grovels for dismissing her feelings. And Girls' Jessa Johansson marries the same man whom she initially hated.

Don't stress it too much if you mess up a first date by getting a fear boner or accidentally mentioning your stalker-y past, and don't give up if you screwed up once you're already dating. Just be sincere and she will probably welcome you back.

Lesson 5: They can be completely cold if you cross the line.

Sitcom characters: Hannah Horvath and Marnie Michaels of Girls, Jess Day of New Girl, Penny Hartz of Happy Endings, Mindy Lahiri of The Mindy Project

Yes, single women will often be nice if you fuck up, but they're not all carbon copies of Mother Theresa. There are occasions on which a woman who flies solo shuts down and becomes utterly cold to her suitors. This means one thing: she's over it. Telltale sign that she just doesn't care anymore? She physically shoves you over and over as a symbolic way of pushing you out of her life like Girls' Hannah does with her ex-boyfriend Adam after she leaves him.

Another hint may be her talking so much shit about your nice guy lameness to her best friend that said best friend has a whole slew of mean comments written about you in her diary. This is exactly what happens between Marnie and Charlie. Marnie is also disgusted by Charlie's attempts at making love. Bad sign.

Cece axes her relationship with Schmidt on New Girl by telling him in no uncertain terms that she will start going on dates with Indian men so she can find a proper husband. Penny on Happy Endings rids herself of vulnerability towards men by writing lists of their flaws. And Mindy throws her cheating boyfriend out of the apartment with hardly a glance.

While you shouldn't give up easily, you should also realize that when she's over you, she's over you. If she avoids eye contact, genuinely tries to cause you physical discomfort, or tells you it's time she found a man who is husband material, we're sorry dude, but you're done.

Lesson 6: Sometimes they just want to get laid.

TV Shows: Hannah Horvath and Marnie Michaels of Girls, Jess Day and Cece Meyers of New Girl, Ann Perkins of Parks and Recreation, Mindy Lahiri of The Mindy Project

If you think men are the only ones with very specific physical needs, it's time to reassess your world view. The woman's search for unattached sex has shown up as a trope multiple times in some of our favorite TV shows. On Girls, it's practically a way of life for all the characters, excluding Shoshanna. To see what we mean, watch a recent episode of the HBO comedy, specifically the one in which Marnie gets with an artist while his doll watches and Hannah sleeps with a junkie.

On The Mindy Project and Parks and Rec, characters Mindy and Ann both want a man to love. But when the search for a life partner doesn't go quite as planned, Mindy and Ann decide to just find a man to have sex with—at least for a little while. Even sweet, innocent Jess on New Girl finds herself a warm body to spend nights with, just like her best friend Cece does with Schmidt. Of course, Jess being Jess, she ends up becoming her lover's girlfriend a few episodes later.

Don't expect that every woman you meet wants to tie you down. Sometimes, the sexy lady you met at the bar doesn't want a ring on it—just a condom.

Lesson 7: Sometimes they want commitment.

Sitcom characters: Cece Meyers of New Girl, Mindy Lahiri of The Mindy Project, Hannah Horvath of Girls

Any single woman you meet can be at a different stage in her life. Some just want to sleep with foreigners from as many different countries as possible (see previous lesson), while others have been single for a few years and are ready to get down to business. And by business we mean the whole nine yards: parents, engagement, pre-nup, marriage, babies.

Cece from New Girl is a clear cut example. After Schmidt's shenanigans and her ex-boyfriend's lack of interest in baby-making, Cece decides that it's time to find a nice Indian boy to marry. So she verbally kicks Schmidt out of her life and starts going on dates with suitable men.

Another great example is Mindy, who decides at the beginning of her show that she's done having fun and has to settle down. She forces herself to stop sleeping with a nice British gent and starts a sincere search for her future husband. Finally, Hannah in Girls tries to get Adam to be her man for a long time by showing up at his apartment at random hours and doing basically whatever he wants.

Some women want not just your body, but your mind too. Solution? Ask before entering.

Lesson 8: Sometimes they just want to get totally wasted.

Sitcom characters: Jess Day of New Girl, Leslie Knope and Ann Perkins of Parks and Recreation, Hannah Horvath on Girls, Meredith Palmer of The Office, Alex Kerkovic and Penny Hartz of Happy Endings, Mindy Lahiri of The Mindy Project

When things go awry, single women are just like everyone else: they want a fucking drink. We all know alcohol and drugs won't solve our problems, but they will at least make them go away for a few blessed hours.

Check out doe-eyed Jess on New Girl gulping down absinthe likes it's a glass of milk. Or Hannah on Girls, who's pretty much down to party (in the hardest sense of the word) without Adam tying her down. Or Meredith on The Office every single day. Or Ann and Leslie at their local Pawnee watering holes. Or Mindy when she heads out to the clubs with her co-workers. Or Penny and Alex on Happy Endings nearly every day.

Just because she wants to go to bars often doesn't mean she's desperate, lonely, or an alcoholic.

Lesson 9: They can seem fickle.

TV Shows: Cece Meyers of New Girl, Alex Kerkovic of Happy Endings, Ann Perkins of Parks and Recreation, Kelly Kapoor of The Office

There are times when the single women on television can seem bewilderingly impetuous. It's the same in real life.

Let's go through a quick rundown of the women on TV and the men they love, then hate, then love, then dump, then take back, then run away from.

One, Cece and Schmidt on New Girl. This is a never-ending relationship between two people who you know will end up being a couple down the line. Sometimes Cece wants him and sometimes she spurns him.

Two, Alex and Dave on Happy Endings. Alex runs off during their wedding, then goes for Dave again in later seasons.

Three, Ann and Tom on Parks and Recreation. Ann doesn't really like Tom, but she dates him for a while anyway. The chances are that those two have broken up and gotten back together over a few hundred times.

Four, Kelly and Ryan on The Office. If you've seen older episodes of The Office, you know that the Kelly-Ryan saga never ends.

The desires of single women will confuse you. It's inevitable.

Lesson 10: There's usually a rational explanation.

Sitcom characters: Cece Meyers of New Girl, Alex Kerkovic of Happy Endings, Ann Perkins of Parks and Recreation, Kelly Kapoor of The Office

Yes, single women can be fickle, but there's usually a rational explanation behind their behavior. In the case of New Girl's Cece and Schmidt, Cece doesn't want to be vulnerable. She's losing eggs at a faster rate than you're losing hair, and she wants a man she can count on. With Alex and Dave on Happy Endings, Alex is scared of commitment, so she scrams from the altar. As she matures, she realizes that her feelings for Dave aren't as scary as she thought.

Ann on Parks and Rec is bored and has some affection for Tom, so she dates him but makes it clear that it will never last. She also wants to prove to the other Parks and Rec employees that they are a real couple.

As for Kelly Kapoor, she just loves drama and wants to stir shiut up. You would too if you lived in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

That said, when a woman changes her mind, don't assume it's because she's emotional and crazy. More likely, she's thought this through very thoroughly and you just need to get to the bottom of her reasoning. How? By asking!