Samantha Bee Takes on Ted Cruz: "Even God" Doesn't Want to Deal With This Dude

Samantha Bee bravely confronted the purported creepiness of Ted Cruz on Monday’s Full Frontal, a.k.a. that guy with the hilarious former roommate. Noting that Cruz "always looks like he’s covered in a glistening layer of slime," Bee outlined the remarkable depth of his unlikability using both his own words and the equally baffling words of his peers.

"Bob Dole singled Ted out for hatred," Bee told her audience after playing a clip of the former presidential candidate doing exactly that. "Bob Dole has fought actual Nazis." To better understand the origins of Ted Cruz’s ridiculousness, Bee even generously unveiled this exclusive (and hella alleged) birth photo:

After enduring a clip of a young Cruz outlining his desire to become an actor, specifically an actor in whatever the hell a "teen tit film" is, Bee battled the same nausea such a sentiment inspires in you: "There’s something about hearing him say the word tit that makes me wish I didn’t have them."

As for things regarding Cruz's rise that are a bit more difficult to simply eviscerate with comedy, Bee took aim at those too. Citing the fact that Cruz is surrounded by a unique brand of Christians who are hell-bent on dissolving the separation of church and state, Bee noticed one very peculiar aspect about the Cruz team's claims of divine intervention regarding the candidacy: God never calls direct. "The message is clear," Bee said. "Even God cannot stand to have a direct conversation with Ted Cruz."