Red, White, and Dumb: Actual Person Tomi Lahren Delivers Mindless Obama Rant

One of life's greatest joys is watching from afar as self-proclaimed conservatives (or any number of interchangeable terms) wallow in the projectile vomit of dickishness spewing prolifically from the mouth of Donald Trump with hypocritical glee. To quote proud conservative miscreant Rick Santorum, they will "never have smart people on [their] side."

Here to ensure that Santorum's 2012 quotable retains its urgency three Trump-dumped years later, actual person Tomi Lahren delivers one of the best examples of "So this isn't a quick return to satire from Stephen Colbert?" in recent memory. I, being of sound mind and body, could easily spend hours (days!) pulling quotes and observations from the gasp-inducing clip above — but I'd rather not spoil the masterful marriage of intellectual misery and unobstructed masochism achieved when watching it for the first time without either leaping from the nearest window or vowing to never trust a human being with a TV show ever again.

Thankfully, Lahren's Twitter provides further insight into the mind of a troll in training. Fair warning: do not read on an empty stomach: