Instead of targeting corrupt politicians or dastardly televangelists like usual, John Oliver decided to change it up on this week's Last Week Tonight by going in on birds. Whereas proud bird-loving individuals might celebrate the triumph of nature present in birds' annual migration tactics, Oliver is just hoping they never bother coming back. Oliver, you see, really hates birds.
"Fuck you birds!" Oliver said with conviction in the web exclusive clip. "Fuck you! I hope you never come back. To me, every single bird is just a shitty sequel to dinosaurs. And we'd be better off without you. And, yes, I'm talking to you, geese! You look like ducks that played football in high school and never stopped going to the gym." But surely parrots are spared this vengeful marathon of disgust? Nah.
"You're not off the hook either, parrots," Oliver said. "Oh, what? I'm supposed to like parrots just because they can talk? Basically every human being talks, and I hate most of them." Elsewhere, Oliver had some equally harsh words for swans, pelicans, and hummingbirds, a.k.a. "obese bees in need of a nose job."
Speaking of Oliver's greatest foe, roughly 40 of them mysteriously fell from the sky in Dorchester last week. "We're not sure what's going on, if it's an environmental toxin, or it's some disease that’s being spread around the birds," the Animal Rescue League's Danielle Genter toldCBS News of the troubling development. Local environmental officials are currently investigating the cause of the bizarre incident, though segments like Oliver's most certainly aren't helping birds' public image.
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