Donald Trump really wants you to understand the struggles he's faced as a wealthy white male with seemingly artificial hair. In fact, he's so enamored with proving the authenticity of his box-shaped hair hat that he halted a speech on Thursday to summon an audience member to the stage for an "inspection."
"I don't wear a toupée," Trump tells the audience of statistically-not-the-brightest people. "It's my hair! I swear!" Trump then points out a purportedly random audience member, telling her she needs to "do an inspection" because this whole hair thing "is getting crazy." After admitting to a fondness for hairspray, Trump then offers his orange soda fuzz cap up for a laughably less-than-thorough inspection.
Though his locks may pass this strenuous one-touch test of authenticity, a closer inspection would presumably reveal levels of frustratingly opportunistic racism at the molecular level. In related news, the ill-haired Republican hopeful recently got campaign-boosting cosigns from a Holocaust-denying former Klansman and a guy who's trying to build a whites-only town in North Dakota.
But, yeah, the authenticity of his hair is totally the most important aspect of this candidacy.
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