Image via Complex Original
Bourbon. Scotch. Rye. Irish whiskey. Tennessee sipping whiskey. Taiwanese whiskey. There are, by last count, roughly three gazillion whiskeys out there, from a whole lot of countries, made in countless different styles, aged in many ways, for differing lengths of time. How do you even start to make heads or tails of it all? Simply going “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe” or picking a brand because the bottle looks cool may land you a winner… or you may wind up with some foul-tasting rotgut and a monster-sized hangover the next day. Fortunately, you’ve got resources: your bartender, your liquor store salesperson, and of course, these ten handy-dandy tips. You won’t be the world’s foremost expert after reading them, but they’ll help you avoid the shame in your game that comes with being whiskey-ig’nant in social situations.
There's more than one kind of whiskey. You need to know at least these three.
Bourbon, rye, and scotch are the reading, writing and arithmetic of the whiskey world. They’re your basics, your building blocks on which all other whiskey knowledge rests. Bourbon is distilled from a mash bill of at least 51% corn, which gives it a comparatively mild, sweet flavor; it’s a great intro to whiskey. Rye was the whiskey of choice in the States from colonial times into the 20th century. It fell out of fashion for decades after Prohibition, but it’s now the hipster whiskey of choice. Made with at least 51% rye, it’s bigger and spicier than most bourbons, and thus more of an acquired taste, but it’s a taste worth acquiring. And Scotch whisky (they lose the “e” in Scotland for no apparent reason) is made from malted (roasted) barley. Scotch whiskies vary wildly in style from region to region, from delicate and honey-sweet to enormous and smoky and peaty. There’s lots more to learn about (Canadian, Irish, Japanese, and Tennessee sipping whiskeys, to name just a few), but they’re all variations on the Big Three.
Ordering a cocktail with the most expensive whiskey on the menu doesn't make you look cool.
What separates a $500 whiskey from a $50 whiskey? Sometimes, it’s just a case of supply and demand, hype, or both. But quite often it’s that little extra something that separates the excellent from the sublime, the everyday from the once-in-a-lifetime, the “Damn, this is a nice whiskey” to “Oh my God, that’s the greatest thing I’ve ever tasted in my life!” One way you’re not going to figure it out is by sticking that top-shelf hooch into a mixed drink. To truly appreciate the subtle complexity of a great whiskey, drink it on its own. f you’re going to show off and spend a lot of money on whiskey, you might as well avoid looking like a damn fool while you’re doing it.
You can't know everything about whiskey, so don't go around acting like you do.
A whiskey rule of thumb—which can apply to the rest of your life as well—is that you’ll look a lot smarter by trying to learn about what you don’t know rather than pretending you already do know. Don’t let whiskey snobs intimidate you; no matter how limited your base of knowledge is, you can work off it and expand your horizons. If you want to try whiskey in a cocktail, tell your bartender what kind of drink you’re looking for. Like it strong? Try a Manhattan. Sweet? A whiskey sour may be in your future. Investing in a bottle? Your liquor store salesperson can recommend a sprightly young bourbon or a mellow aged single malt. Don’t be afraid to put yourself in the capable hands of a professional. You’ll be sending your taste buds on a fantastic voyage.
"White dog" isn't referring to your neighbor's poodle.
You may have heard whiskeyphiles referring to the latest “white dog” or “moonshine” whiskeys. For decades they were illegally made and sold, mostly in the South, until some enterprising distilleries got into the act in recent years and got them into legitimate bars and liquor stores. There are two big differences between white dogs and traditional whiskeys—age and color. Standard brown whiskey gets its color from the wooden barrels in which it’s aged (anywhere from a couple of years for younger bourbons to decades for older single malt Scotches). White dog is not aged, hence its clear or “white” color. It tastes a lot different, too. Most white dog/moonshine is un-aged corn liquor (bourbon), and without the wood to temper and mellow the flavors, the corn is much more up front than with typical bourbons. The more you know about aged whiskey, the more interesting white dogs are to try, but they’re best as a change of pace. So don’t go trying to impress your girl by ordering her a white dog Manhattan or some such.
Bourbon doesn't have to be from Kentucky.
We all associate bourbon with Kentucky. The best-known brands all hail from the Bluegrass State, and most of those distilleries are located in Bourbon County. So if it’s not from Kentucky, it ain’t bourbon, right? Wrong! In the case of bourbon, it ain’t where ya from, it’s where ya at. It can be made anywhere, as long as it’s made from more than 51% corn (the mash bill of most bourbons is about 70-80% corn, with rye and malted barley making up the rest). Today, there are quality bourbons being made all over the US-of-A, from Brooklyn to Portland and all points in between. (For the record, Tennessee sipping whiskeys like Gentleman Jack aren’t called bourbon for various reasons, but not being from Kentucky isn’t one of them.)
Whiskey isn't just a guy thing.
The idea that bros go for the brown booze while the honeys prefer brightly colored frou-frou cocktails is totally 20th century (and it wasn’t even really true back then). Nowadays, you’ll find more and more women in every imaginable whiskey-related role—distillers, brand ambassadors, writers, sommeliers, you name it. They’re a fast-growing segment of the whiskey drinking population as well. So the next time you’re heading out with your boys for a few snifters of the good stuff, consider inviting your lady friends along, too. Odds are they’ll know more about whiskey than you think.
The older a whiskey, the better it tastes... sometimes.
Older whiskeys are more expensive than younger whiskeys, so that means they must taste better. That’s the rule of thumb among people who buy whiskey to impress people, rather than actually drink it. The reason older whiskeys are expensive is because the distilleries have had to store and maintain those whiskeys for longer. That warehouse space doesn’t come for free, you know. Climate also enters into things; a bourbon that’s aged for eight years in temperate Kentucky might be ready for bottling, while a whisky aged in chilly, damp Scotland may take 30 years to reach maturity. And if the distiller screwed up and let the whiskey age for too long, the finished product might taste like you’re licking a piece of wood. So don’t go by the numbers, go by the flavor.
Don't be afraid to mess around with whiskey—this stuff is versatile.
There are some “holier than thou” types who insist that good whiskey should only be drunk neat, perhaps with a drop or two of distilled water. There are others who maintain that the only good whiskey cocktail is a Manhattan. But the real rule of whiskey is, there ain’t no rules. Go ahead, substitute your favorite bourbon for rum in a Mai Tai. Stick some rye in your Bloody Mary instead of vodka. Throw an ice cube (or six) in your single malt. Go nuts. There’s a whiskey for any mood, any taste, any cocktail. If you’re a novice, get your bartender to help you out. And if you know your way around a few brands, what are you waiting for? Go all mad scientist on that bottle and start experimenting.
There's a time and a place for every kind of whiskey. Learn how to get it right.
Odds are you wouldn’t order a fancy single malt in a biker bar. And if you’re in a swanky artisanal house of mixology, you probably wouldn’t ask your bearded, arm garter-clad barkeep for the bottom-shelf stuff you can find in gallon jugs at the local gas station. Know what you like, but more importantly, know when and where to get it.
Know what a blended whiskey is, what it isn't, and why it matters.
Among whiskey snobs, the word “blend” on a bottle of the brown stuff is like the kiss of death; it might as well say “bland” instead. You see, most blended whiskies consist primarily of grain whiskey, which is distilled to a high proof and has a flavor about halfway between whiskey and vodka. The grain whiskey is combined with standard whiskeys, often from several different distilleries, to create a consistent blend that’s lighter, smoother and easier to drink than most straight whiskeys or single malts. When done poorly, it can be the alcoholic equivalent of a yawn. But when it’s done well, the whole is much greater than the sum of its parts. Blends are great for whiskey beginners, ideal for use in mixed drinks, and the best ones can win over even the snootiest of whiskey snoots.
Whiskey is a gentleman's drink. Don't disrespect it.
You may think it’s manly to line up a bunch of shot glasses full of whiskey and start pounding them like the stuff’s about to go out of style. No, no, and once again, no. We are living in a golden age, where there are more brands to choose from than ever before and the good stuff is as amazing as whiskey’s ever gotten. A lot of people have put a lot of effort into what you’re drinking. Don’t dis their yeoman efforts—savor that amber goodness. Let it glide over your tongue and down your throat. Don’t worry, drink enough of it and you’ll get lit soon enough. And you’ll look like much less of a d-bag while doing so, too.