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The smoothie can be virtue in a glass, a meal on the go for movers and shakers who are too busy moving and shaking to sit down to breakfast or lunch. A (more or less) satisfying way to skip a meal without getting all cranky from hypoglycemia. A tasty and pain-free delivery system for all those essential vitamins and antioxidants without having to eat, you know, salads.
It’s no secret that smoothies are also a great way to get drunk. After all, a mid-morning frozen margarita may not be the most appealing thought, but a pineapple and orange juice smoothie with a little tequila in it is a great A.M. eye opener, with alcohol and vitamins in one handy-dandy (and very tasty) package. Here are 10 of our favorite boozy smoothies, ideal for brunch, cocktail hour, dessert… and maybe even the occasional morning commute.
The Morning After
The morning after what, we’re not quite sure, unless it was a night of drinking—in which case this makes a delicious and stomach-coating hair-of-the-dog treat. Vodka is, of course, the easiest and most foolproof way to spike a smoothie since it doesn’t have any distinctive flavor. The addition of almond liqueur, on the other hand, is inspired, as it goes great with both the orange juice and the creamy strawberry parfait. And you don’t even need a blender for this one.
Ingredients: 1 oz. vodka, 1/2 oz. almond liqueur (such as Amaretto), 1 oz. orange juice, 2 oz. Bolthouse Farms Strawberry Parfait Smoothie.
Directions: Pour into ice-filled shaker, shake, strain into the glass of your choice.
Cherry Oh Baby
Rum loves fruit, fruit loves rum, and they both love smoothies. Not that there aren’t plenty of fantastic dark sipping rums that resemble whisky or cognac more than the stuff you put in mojitos. But light or amber rum might as well have been made to accentuate the frothy fruitiness of a well-made smoothie. Of which this is definitely one. The pairing of rum and cherry juice isn’t common, to say the least, but it works very well indeed.
Ingredients: 1 cup ice, 2 oz. light or amber rum, 6 oz. cherry juice, 1 banana.
Directions: Mix all ingredients in blender, pour into the glass of your choice.
Quasi-Colada Smoothie
There’s no textbook definition for a smoothie, but if thick and frothy are the only criteria, then the piña colada is surely a member of the tribe. Of course, it has precious little nutritional value and a ton of fat, but that’s another story. This smoothie loses the pineapple juice and adds orange juice and a banana for a somewhat different flavor profile, but the two key naughty ingredients—coconut milk and rum—remain. And thank goodness for that.
Ingredients: 1 banana, 1 cup coconut milk, 1/2 cup orange juice, 2 oz. light or dark rum, 1 cup ice cubes.
Directions: Mix all ingredients in blender until thick and smooth, pour into the glass of your choice.
Kill You With Kindness
Whiskey isn’t the first spirit most boozy smoothie drinkers go for, but when used right it’s just as tasty as those old standbys, vodka and rum. This is one of the more artery-clogging concoctions you’ll ever suck through a straw, but damn, is it delicious. The ingredients, from peanut butter to cinnamon to honey, are all flavors you’ll taste in better bourbons. And with both peanut butter and bananas, this is truly a smoothie fit for a King—by which we mean Elvis, of course.
Ingredients: 2 tbsp. peanut butter, 1 banana, ¼ tsp. cinnamon, ¼ tsp. nutmeg, 6-8 chocolate chips, drizzle of honey, 2 oz. bourbon, 1 cup ice cubes.
Directions: Blend all ingredients until smooth, serve in a cocktail glass.
Piña Tequila
Tequila pairs brilliantly with citrus; therefore, it’s a slam-dunk for adding to citrus-dominated smoothies. The key with this one is to use unsweetened pineapple; otherwise you’ll get a tropical drink and not a smoothie. Not that we have anything against tropical drinks, of course….
Ingredients: ½ cup fat free milk, 4 oz. unsweetened crushed pineapple, ¼ cup unsweetened pineapple juice, 1 tbsp. sugar, ¼ tsp. vanilla extract, 2 oz. blanco or reposado tequila, ½ cup ice cubes.
Directions: Place all ingredients except ice in blender, blend until smooth. Add ice cubes, blend until smooth. Pour into the glass of your choice.
Greenway Glow
Who woulda thunk rum and spinach would taste great together? True, it’s hidden among a bunch of other, more booze-friendly flavors in Green Goodness, among them apple, mango and kiwi. The fruit combined with simple syrup give this smoothie a tangy but sweet treat that blends beautifully with the mellow tropical fruit notes of the rum. Popeye would be impressed.
Ingredients: 2 oz. silver rum, 2 oz. Bolthouse Farms Green Goodness, 1 oz. simple syrup, lemon peel.
Directions: Put all ingredients besides lemon peel into shaker, shake hard three times, then pour into ice-filled pint glass. Insert three lemon peels against the side of the glass.
El Verde
Booze can go with anything if you know what you’re doing—even kale. The spiciness of the ginger and the tart lime juice are tailor-made for a slightly untamed (and un-aged) blanco tequila. The combination of superfood and super-booze is, well, super.
Ingredients: 2 oz. ginger juice, 1 oz. kale juice, ½ oz. lime juice, 1 oz. blanco tequila, tbsp. agave nectar, ½ cup ice.
Directions: Shake or blend until smooth; strain or pour into the glass of your choice.
The Kilted Berry
Who doesn’t love a dram of Scotch whisky with a bit of dark chocolate after dinner? And really, who wants to wait till dinner for such a treat? Well, now you can savor the succulence at breakfast, too. The acai berry, famed for its concentration of antioxidants, amino acids, flavonoids and what have you, also pairs brilliantly with chocolate—and helps repair the damage done by the whisky. Put those flavors (and a few more) in the blender and what do you come out with? A most delectable Scottish/Amazonian/Swiss hybrid. Drinking global has never been so tasty.
Ingredients: ½ tsp. unsweetened cocoa powder, 4 oz. almond milk or soy milk, 4 oz. acai juice, 1 oz. blended Scotch whisky, ½ banana.
Directions: Blend until smooth, pour into an ice-filled glass.
Bloody Smooth
Whether or not the Bloody Mary is a healthy cocktail, it sure does look and taste pretty healthy, with the tomato juice and the celery stalk and the horseradish and… oh yes, the vodka. Bloodies and brunch go together like Kangols and gold chains—and they’re pretty tasty any other time, too. This recipe takes the classic Bloody Mary template and converts it to smoothie form. Ingenious.
Ingredients: ¾ cup tomato juice (chilled), 1 tsp. fresh lemon juice, ¼ cup chopped English cucumber, 1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce, ½ tsp. horseradish, 2 oz. vodka, 2-3 ice cubes.
Directions: Place all ingredients in a blender until smooth, pour into tall glass, garnish with celery stalk or cucumber wedge.
Pretty In Pink
Strawberries, (ice) cream, and gin—how much more British does it get? And how buzzed are you going to get after slurping down this sweet and potent dessert-y treat? The answer: very. Down it with care, or at least with a lot of water to avoid a hangover.
Ingredients: 3 oz. gin, 3 oz. vanilla ice cream, 4 oz. strawberries, 3-4 ice cubes.
Directions: Blend in blender until smooth, pour into large glass—garnish with a strawberry if you have one left over.