Jersey Shore Vs. Geordie Shore: A Complex Comparison

At this point, anyone who has eyes or ears knows about the phenomenon that is MTV's Jersey Shore. They've probably even seen an episode or ten. However, not everyone is aware that the world's most famous guidos and guidettes have British counterparts in the northern UK city of Newcastle, called Geordies. Enter Geordie Shore, MTV UK's adaptation of Jersey Shore .

The featured Geordies are as fake-baked and down to party (get absolutely shit-faced) as their Jersey equivalents; it’s somewhat comforting to know that the U.S. isn’t the only country with riveting, absolutely compelling trainwrecks. There are, of course, a few differences between the groups and the shows, considering that they are set in different countries, but luckily for you, we’ve taken the time to break it all down into a simple guide to discerning the Seaside from the Tyneside.

When we were first introduced to Holly, we were pretty sure she’d be Newcastle’s very own Snooki—pure class, this one—but, as it turns out, Holly’s actually the Angelina of the group, poor girl.

Though she didn’t cause as much drama or controversy in the house as the self-proclaimed "Kim Kardashian of Staten Island" did, Holly wasn’t terribly liked by her Geordie Shore castmates and, eventually, felt so detached that she left at the end of episode three and nobody even noticed. It took Angelina much longer to leave the series than it did Holly, but in the end, both were driven out. The parallels are undeniable.

If Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino were from Newcastle, he'd be Jay. Sure, Jay has a bit less hair and lacks a nickname or a catchphrase like "we’ve got a situation," but he has equal amounts of shirtlessness, refuses to settle down despite his obvious crush on cast member Vicky, and has an affinity for talking with his hands, which mirrors your gesticulating boy The Situation. We're sure both are very confusing to deaf viewers.

She doesn’t have as large a rack as Jenni boasts, but Vicky is definitely the head bitch in charge at the Tyneside house and, therefore, the JWoww of the Geordies. She pretty much refuses to take shit from anyone and speaks her mind whenever possible, something that’s caused Gaz to call her "evil" in episode four.

When Vicky found out, she was livid, and when it was determined that Sophie had been talking behind her back to some of the guys, Vicky tore into her. Similarly, JWoww had her issues with castmates for being feisty and opinionated (the most memorable being the long-standing fight she had with Sammi and Ronnie about their relationship), but there’s never been any question that she runs on the Shore, like Vicky does on the Tyne. Powerful chicks—there's nothing hotter.

Though Gary/Gaz actually acts more like The Situation in the sense that he picks up girls left and right—or at least he claims to, saying he should "literally have a degree in pulling women"—and treasures his abs like they're his children or something, he shares a much more tangible similarity with Jersey Shore’s Vinny…and that’s the size of his penis.

After Snooki hooked up with Vinny, she unabashedly explained what went down to Sammi, adding that it was like "trying to fit a watermelon into a pinhole." Similarily, in the second episode of Geordie Shore, Charlotte discovers that Gaz is well-endowed—as do Holly and Sophie when they walk in on Charlotte and Gaz doing the dirty. "What the fuck is that!" Holly exclaimed, later commenting, "I've seen a lot of cocks in my life, but I've never seen anything like that. It was huge, I’ve never seen that, I would be scared." Then she compared it to her forearm. We can't be sure that Gaz didn't pay Holly off to say that (because, really?!) but if he didn’t...lucky guy?

Though much more mellow than her Jersey counterpart, Sophie is definitely the Snooki-est of the land. Not only is she the tannest in the house, she’s also the most pint-sized.

Plus, they both get a little, well, interesting when they drink. Case-in-point: In the first episode of Jersey Shore, Snooks made a bit of a bad impression on her roommates by getting absolutely wasted and generally acting annoying. Sophie pretty much did the same exact thing, only she added nearly falling out of a jacuzzi to her antics. Snooki, take notes.

Geordie Shoredo

an affinity for fist fightingJames’s fight is kind of boring

Poor little Charlotte. She’s a sweet girl, much like Sammi claims to be—"I’m the sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet" ring any bells?—but is hopelessly blinded in the romance department, if her relationship with Gaz is any indication.

Sammi and Ronnie got together rather early on in Jersey Shore’s run and have had a tumultuous on/off relationship ever since, but not many remember that Sammi initially had a flirtation with The Situation prior to that. In short, Charlotte and Gaz’s relationship is basically what Sammi and The Situation’s would have been if they’d hooked up. Charlotte’s falling rather hard for Gaz, but Gaz is maintaining that he’s not going to settle down, and makes a show of flirting with other girls around Charlotte. However, when Charlotte tries to retaliate, Gaz gets all possessive and they end up occupying the guest house for the rest of the night.

Charlotte should probably give up on Gaz and move on, but if she’s really anything like Sammi she probably won’t. Though, we do have to say, she’s not going to find any other guys if she keeps doing her hair like this.

Now, we’re not hating on Pauly D, but aside from getting frighteningly mad at Angelina once, he’s sort of a mellow, drama-free guy, which some might consider boring. This would be nice in real life, but since this is television of the trashiest variety, we expect and absolutely want to see more.

Greg was briefly involved in a fist fight at a club when he stepped in to help James, but it lasted all of, like, five seconds before it was broken up by security. Yawn.

Additionally, Pauly D was rather well known for his DJing long before he joined the cast of Jersey Shore, and Greg was a fixture in the Newcastle club scene prior to his participation on Geordie Shore. Maybe that's why neither of them feels the need to act crazy to achieve fame.

Like our favorite guidos and guidettes, the Geordies of Geordie Shore have their very own slang that could be considered almost a different language to any newbie. Though many of the terms used on the show are more common British slang than specifically Geordie slang, there are a few words that translate between Jersey and Newcastle.

For instance, a "grenade," the term that The Situation and co. use to describe a less-than-attractive female, Geordies call a "rat." Something amazing is "mint." The phrase "DTF" is replaced by "puttin’ out." "Smushing" is "smashing," "chicks" are "birds," to "swill" is to avoid someone, to be drunk is to be "mortalled," and making out with someone is called "tashing." Who else needs a dictionary right about now?

The Situation put it simply in the first episode of Jersey Shore: "A guido is a good-looking, smooth, well-dressed Italian." No matter that three out of eight main poster kids of the "guido lifestyle" these days aren’t actually fully Italian (JWoww is Spanish and Irish, Snooki is Chilean, and Ronnie is Spanish and Italian)—the point remains. It’s a way of life, not a heritage.

To the Geordies, however, as witnessed in the first episode of Geordie Shore, membership is far more exclusive. Though they look quite similar to their Jersey counterparts in the sense that they’re fake-baked to death, fit as hell, and use more hair gel than any normal person should, one has to be from Newcastle to be considered a Geordie).

When cast member Holly admitted that she’s actually from the nearby northern England town of Middlesbrough, she was greeted with astonished, skeptical looks. She assured them, however, that she was a real Geordie and would prove it to them. But, when she abruptly left the show in episode three because she was feeling detached and neglected from the group, she had this to say: “I just want to…be in a normal place with normal people, not fucking lads that get their eyebrows waxed. I cannot handle it, it’s fucking weird. I’ve never been around people like this.” Just goes to show, only a true Geordie can understand another Geordie.

Additionally, it seems that our favorite guidos have a bit of a one-up on Geordies—if the above clip is any indication, their variation of the “fist-pump” is the “Bosh dance,” which basically looks like a weakened, embarrassingly bad fist-pump. Without the fist. We’d be able to accept that alone, but not when we consider this next fact: Not once has a house music track been heard playing in the background of an episode of Geordie Shore. For shame.

Both these shows rather annoyingly maintain that their cast members actually do work the jobs that are required of them during their summer stay in their glorious, perfect summer shares, but there’s a huge difference between their lines of work. On Jersey Shore, cast members have had to “work” retail in a boardwalk shop, the Shore Store, and, when visiting Miami, in an Italian gelato shop (not stereotypical at all, MTV, not one bit!). Across the pond, the Newcastle gang has to work promotions—basically going around and trying to get business for various stores and companies—and, for their first assignment, had to dress like this. Well, it is Europe.

If you're judging simply by the episodes of both shows, and not on the cast's outside activities, it appears that the kids on Geordie Shore are much, much wilder than those on Jersey Shore. In the first episode Holly flashes her breasts to a jacuzzi full of guys, and in the fourth episode we get to see Sophie being spray-tanned—and by see, we mean see everything. When cast members hook up, much more is shown in the telecast.

This, however, can be chocked up to the difference in censorship laws between the U.S. and the UK—so unless Jersey Shore is going to be airing on HBO or Showtime anytime soon, it may not be fair to judge. Well, more than we’ve already judged, anyway.

Can Geordie Shore’s quotability factor ever compare to the show that gave us great phrases like “GTL,” “Cabs are here,” “It’s T-shirt time,” “grenades,” and “smushing”? Short answer: No, not one bit, though Holly’s exclamation “It was like my forearm!” re: Gaz’s penis was rather memorable.

Geordie Shore needs some solid, consistent quotes from their cast, and nothing has really carried over from episode to episode aside from common British slang that would only seem odd to a viewer from the U.S. Overall, for now, it’s no contest.

The Jersey Shore has always been a vacation spot for the average family and juicehead alike. In contrast, Newcastle is really just a normal metropolitan city; most cast members are from and do live in Newcastle—aside from Holly, who is from the nearby UK town of Middlesbrough.

There’s not as much appeal to the whole winning “vacation house” concept in Geordie Shore as there is in Jersey Shore because of this, but it’s really easily forgotten after at least the first episode. Additionally, while the Jersey shore has the recognizable boardwalk where everyone works, gets drunk, and has their fist fights, nothing similar as been presented in Newcastle yet—but here’s hoping that changes soon.