Image via Complex Original
When Andy Warhol in 1968 opined that "in the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes," we like to believe he was envisioning social networks like Twitter. The six-year-old micro-blogging service has given bonafide celebrities and people with regular nine-to-fives the same-sized soapbox from which to deliver their communiqués. It's so democratizing that it's enabled those with the best tweets—most informative, timeliest, and funniest—to become celebrities in their own right. We decided to focus on the latter. The people on Twitter who literally make you laugh out loud when you're at your desk or checking your phone at a party. The people who say things you can't believe or never would have the balls to say. If you're looking to improve your timeline, we present to you, in no particular order, the 25 funniest non-celebrities on Twitter right now.
@BoneyStarks
Followers: 2,344
Tweets: 125,489
Boney Starks' Twitter is an extension, albeit a more personal and off-the-cuff extension, of his Tumblr and his podcast, The Kirkout Hour. Along with his ardent support of Manchester City and the Washington Wizards (and the pain fandom of the latter causes), you get a cool mix of home-life-humor from a dude with whom you would want to grab a drink.
@OfficiallyIce
Followers: 38,299
Tweets: 256,506
"Just a regular nigga who works at Footaction and tries to keep his check engine light off," is how Ice describes himself in his Twitter bio. He's also one of the funniest and realest dudes to ever type 140 characters. When he's not trading barbs with Joe Budden, he's in the mix of whatever is currently popping on Twitter.
@BoobsRadley
Followers: 83,393
Tweets: 1,324
Before you say anything: No, you won't see any boobs if you follow this account. Still here? Cool. If you do follow, you'll get the witty reflections of Julieanne Smolinski, a writer best known for "Don't Be the Worst," her sex and dating column with GQ where she tries to bridge the gap between us and them.
@rellyOnSMASH
Followers: 22,006
Tweets: 68,113
Money, girls, sports, and music. If any of those topics interest you, you should follow Relly from the OnSMASH family. Hilarity, son.
@FATJEW
Followers: 111,695
Tweets: 1,934
Fabrizio Goldstein may not be considered a celebrity, but everyone that matters knows about the Fat Jew aka Jewther Vandross aka Fatrick Jewing aka… OK, we'll stop. Formerly one third of the rap group Team Facelift and a former on-air personality for E!, Fat Jew keeps his unique brand of comedy rocking on Twitter.
@BosNaud
Followers: 1,143
Tweets: 89,840
Since his account is set to private and he has under 2,000 followers, we're going to assume you don't follow BosNaud. That's cool. We're sure you've seen some of his tweets fly by on your timeline. And we're sure whatever you read made you laugh. Take it from us: this man's slander is impeccable.
@NerdAtCoolTable
Followers: 20,596
Tweets: 102,838
We don't take dating advice from Twitter, but if we are going to read it, we at least want it to make us laugh. The man behind NerdAtTheCoolTable.com does just that and more. When not talking about music and sports, Nash is dropping hilarious jewels about the fairer sex.
@Kozza
Followers: 3,928
Tweets: 34,284
If you listen to the music of Andy Suzuki and the Method, you would never guess that its percussionist was capable of delivering the most impeccable slander on Twitter. But that's Kozza's specialty. When he's not going on 10-tweet-long diatribes, or giving you a play-by-play on the state of the strip club industry, he's handing tagging lonely tweets wherever he sees fit.
@JuliaSegal
Followers: 39,165
Tweets: 1,910
Julia Segal is another non-celebrity that catches checks making celebrities sound funny. On top of the book she wrote based on her Tumblr Animals With Casts, she also contributes to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. The New York-based writer mixes in self-loathing with genuinely funny takes on current events. And she's cute. So there's that.
@FamousCrab
Followers: 15,206
Tweets: 2,948
There are times when we think Carlos' Twitter account tells the story of a crab who is trying to make a life for itself on land. Then we read some posts about him having hands too smooth to catch a football and we find ourselves back at square one. Whatever. All we know is Carlos is the funniest and coolest crab we've come across since Ariel attempted to bounce on her family and marry that sailor.
@ConorTripler
Followers: 12,044
Tweets: 6,928
If you ever read the @DRAKE_THOUGHTS parody account, you understand why we have to include it's creator, Conor Tripler, on this list. Sure, we're not sure what he's talking about a third of the time, but most of it is pretty inspired, like when he @'d BurgerKing saying that the employee in the drive-through wouldn't serve him unless he referred to him as President Cheeseburger.
@dril
Followers: 27,504
Tweets: 2,088
We don't know anything about Wint except that he lives in New Jersey and he's batshit crazy. But, damn, do we wish we knew more about this absurd dude who informed us that in 2009 the "world government passed the G.R.E.E.D. Act, banning ownership of the CD-ROM," right after saying that he loved to "ROUGHHOUSE" and would be a STRAIGHT TICKET VOTER FOR THE GRAVEROBBER PARTY." Yeah, we don't know what the hell is going on. Each day is an adventure with @dril.
@thatsnotkosher
Followers: 6,568
Tweets: 8,512
In what may be the most flippant Twitter account that's not a parody of something, ThatsNotKosher is connected to the equally irreverent Blog: The Video Game tumblr. Both spaces are used to run off random ridiculousness that runs the gamut of American history to the 2013 Emmys. The best part is you can never really tell what's meant to be taken seriously and what's not. But that's the best part.
@VH1PNUT
Followers: 115,631
Tweets: 27,721
We'll just say this right now: If you're easily offended, just skip to the next slide, 'cause VH1PNUT's Twitter account is not for the faint of heart. Written mostly in all caps and laced with more profanity than Waka and Chief Keef song, PeGee, in the most sincere of terms, doesn't give a fuck. No topic safe. Not even Spider-Man: "YOU CAN'T EVEN WATCH A MOVIE WITHOUT A GIRL BEING A HOE 'AWWW PETER PARKER IS CUTE' OK THEN BITCH GO SUCK SPIDERMAN'S DICK THEN." Yeah, it's like that.
@Freshalina
Followers: 21,715
Tweets: 67,248
You haven't witnessed ratchetness until you've spent sometime on Freshalina's timeline. The mind behind Crunktastical.net, Fresh brings to light things you wish you never read, but immediately pass along to all of your friends. And while her Twitter is follow-worthy, you should do the same with her Instagram account @AmyTrapHouse. You're welcome.
@InfNYC
Followers: 32,758
Tweets: 83,785
Don't let Mal's inspirational tweets fool you. In between pics of exclusive Nikes are tweets sent off by a man who cares very little about what you think of his opinion. Even when he's spitting vitriol regarding Tupac not being one of the best rappers ever and the consequences facing wayward dudes who don't treat their queens correctly.
@FoxxFiles
Followers: 13,307
Tweets: 187,748
One of the most prolific tweeters on this list, Chris Foxx's retweet game is second to none. If something funny happened in the Twitterverse, you can be sure Foxx is either commenting on it, or sharing the best tweets about said topic with his followers.
@russbengtson
Followers: 12,615
Tweets: 103,474
A COMPLEX staffer on the list? The fight's fixed?! Whatever. We'd be remiss not to include our resident sneaker editor. Whether tweeting about the latest sneaker collaboration, the Mets' perennial struggle, vintage bikes, or the massive fail that was the Mitt Romney presidential campaign, Bengtson will have you rolling.
@meganamram
Followers: 300,785
Tweets: 1,627
Megan Amram's Twitter bio explains her timeline pretty well: "It's this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that's 'in' right now." If you watch NBC's Parks and Recreation, a show for which she's a writer, you can get a solid idea of Amram's brand of humor: Slightly deranged, often preposterous, but always funny.
@sofifii
Followers: 99,637
Tweets: 8,288
You may not know Sophia Rossi, but you know her close friend and business partner, Zooey Deschanel. Right? Cool. Rossi's Twitter is full of the same irreverent, witty, and sharp commentary found on HelloGiggles.com, the self-described "destination for smart, independent, and creative females" that she helped co-found.
@Aimee_B_Loved
Followers: 10,641
Tweets: 9,567
Aimee B's Twitter feed often reads like a stream-of-consciousness rant, ebbing and flowing between random topics and subjects that are currently capturing the public's attention. She's quick to emotionally waver between completely over the top to stone-eyed serious. Either way, it's all way funny.
@DadBoner
Followers: 113,622
Tweets: 6,724
The ingenious Twitter persona of comedian Mike Burns, DadBoner, gives a first person narrative of a character named Karl Welzein. A middle-aged guy with a drinking problem and an uncouth way with women, Welzein will make you laugh and make you realize your life isn't as bad as you think it is.
@RobDelaney
Followers: 660,630
Tweets: 12,004
If we do this list next year, we'll probably have to exclude Rob Delaney 'cause dude is about to blow up. Having already taken home the "Funniest Person on Twitter" award at the 2012 Comedy Central Awards, the Massachusetts native recently rocked a sold-out show in NYC last week as part of his latest tour. Trust us: Follow him now before one of your boys hits you on gChat in month or two and says you should.
@TheRockwell
Followers: 2,239
Tweets: 104,493
There are some people on Twitter who have absolutely run out of fucks to give. TheRockwell is one of those people. And the world is a better place for it.
@dameFK
Followers: 6,013
Tweets: 87,382
As an aspiring comedian, it makes sense that Dame FK's timeline is consistently hilarious. Whether breaking down the should-be-obvious differences between men and a women or talking about the Knicks' struggle, you'll find plenty of retweet-worthy material. And since he's down with the OnSMASH crew, you'll get some new music, too. Win/win.