(L-R) Sebastian Stan, guest, Tom Hiddleston, guest, Elizabeth Olsen, guest, Paul Bettany, Letitia Wright, guests, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Holland and director Anthony Russo pose with Cosplay characters at the UK Fan Event for 'Avengers Infinity War' at Television Studios White City on April 8, 2018 in London, England.
The impending release of Avengers: Infinity War means one thing: it’s time to see a movie that will almost immediately be succeeded by another movie. The as-yet-untitled next Avengers movie already has a release date (don’t make any plans on May 3, 2019!)
So what’s the point? There’s always going to be another film or five (the current number of in-the-works or planned MCU movies) just around the corner. So how can there be any stakes, or any real innovation, when the sole purpose of any one film is just to set the stage for the next one?
Sure, you will have good ones in the bunch. Critics rightly fell all over themselves for Thor: Ragnarock and the latest incarnation of Spider Man—not to mention the phenomenon that was Black Panther. But the sheer number of movies being pumped out lets you know that the MCU continues to expand for commercial reasons far more than artistic ones. I mean, does anyone really need a second Ant-Man film?
The MCU is far from the only violators. Star Wars came back from the dead not simply to add a final trilogy of films, but to pump out prequels, sequels, and spin-offs forever. The Fast and Furious films look to be getting faster and furious-er every year for the rest of eternity.
Even the universe continuations that are generally successful, like Creed, are short on new ideas. Creed’s storyline mirrors that of its predecessor, including the original film’s he-loses-the-fight-but-proves-his-worth-in-the-process ending; and the film’s sequel looks to similarly copy Rocky IV, with Rocky’s protege fighting Ivan Drago’s son. Everywhere you look, you see movie franchises that exist only for the sake of existing.
Well, I’ve had enough. Here are six movie franchises, listed alphabetically, that should just die already. Note that inclusion on this list does not mean that I dislike the films in the series. In fact, I think many of them are wonderful. That’s all the more reason not to let their legacy go up in smoke as more and more (and more, and more) mediocre films get made that muddle up the themes, change canonical characters, or re-invent key plot points just because they can.
Aliens
You would think having two near-perfect films in a franchise would make the brains behind the Aliens series want to quit while they’re ahead. But no. Ridley Scott and co. decided to ruin our collective memories of Alien and Aliens not only with two not-as-good sequels, but with two (and possibly counting) ultra-confusing prequels. For Jonesy’s sake, please stop before the only thing anyone remembers about the franchise is that what the black goo does makes no fucking sense.
Avatar
The late Reggie “Combat Jack” Ossé (R.I.P.) once described Avatar to me as “space Tarzan.” He was right on the nose. But rather than have only one iteration of this particular White People Do It Better ™ story, we’re stuck with another four(!!) sequels on the way. Stop the madness.
Indiana Jones
You had the iconic one. Then the racist one. Then the one with Sean Connery. Then, to indicate the level of quality involved at this point, the one with Shia LeBeouf. Now, there’s a new Indiana Jones movie in the making, and by the time it comes out, Harrison Ford will be 114 years old (approximately). No one wants to see Indy using his bullwhip to grab cases of Ensure. Please let this series die a quiet death.
Pirates of the Caribbean
A movie based on an amusement park ride is at best a mediocre idea. Johnny Depp as a pirate Keith Richards was, before Depp was accused of domestic abuse and responded by ignoring it and going on tour with Joe Perry, moderately amusing. None of it was worth two movies, never mind five, with a sixth likely on the way. Yo ho ho and a bottle of get this franchise out of here.
Star Wars
As someone who grew up with the first batch of Star Wars films, I know all too well the feeling of seeing your childhood memories ruined by bad movies. The second trilogy of films nearly killed this entire series. I would have had no problems with a final trilogy: how could I deny a new generation that joy? But instead of just that, we’ve got prequels, side adventures, and spinoffs continuing until Disney runs out of money. One of the things that made the Star Wars movies so iconic at first is that they were special. You had to wait, sometimes for years, to find out what happened next. And you would suck in every detail of the prior chapters (and read the novels, and even, God forbid, watch the holiday special) over and over in the interim. Now, there will just be a new film in theaters in the time it takes the Millennium Falcon to travel a parsec.
Terminator
The Terminator series, which honestly didn’t even make that much sense back when it was actually good, is headed for another installment in 2019. At this point, there have been five films with a sixth on the way; a television show; a web series; and a governorship. Let’s let John Connor rest in peace, in whichever ever-changing timeline he currently resides.