Image via Complex Original
The beloved Girl Scout cookie has returned. Persuasive young girls will be hawking their tasty wares at your doorstep with their guilt-inducing eyes. They'll sway you with talk of supporting their troop, and demand $3.50 of your hard-earned cash. And you'll oblige them, because it's your civic duty to support them on their quest to snag janky prizes. But mostly, because you'll do anything to justify purchasing an irrational number of those addictive little morsels. It's not that they're charming or particularly conniving—you're just so weak. And those cookies are so, so good.
The Girl Scouts have been running their cookie game on the public for over 100 years, and it's still as effective as ever. People lose their minds over these cookies.
But not all cookies—or Girl Scout cookies—are created equal. Twenty-eight varieties of Girl Scout cookies have been offered since 1917, but only a select few have bewitched us, mind, body, and soul.
These are the ones we just can't say no to: The 15 Best Girl Scout Cookies of All Time.
RELATED: The 50 Best Chocolatiers in America
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15. Thank U Berry Munch
Year Introduced: 2010
Flavor Profile: Deep and rich, like the high-maintainance woman of your dreams.
Mouth Feel: Rough around the edges, with tender bits of cranberry and shards of white fudge as a saving grace.
Calories: 120 Calories, 5 grams of Fat (For 2 Cookies)
What It Says About You: You're a liar. Or, you have irregular bowel movements for which fiber heavy oatmeal cookies are the only cure. We admire your resolve to adhere to your sensible diet, and your honesty. Most people would just say they were in it for the (morsel-sized) cranberries. Also, you like stupid wordplay jokes, so you have some semblance of humanity.
14. Aloha Chips
Year Introduced: Early 2000s
Flavor Profile: An intriguing mix of rich buttery cookie punctuated by bold white chocolate.
Mouth Feel: Painful, thanks to a coating of jagged macadamia nut slices and the sharp peaks of mini white chocolates chips.
Calories: 170 Calories 10 Grams of Fat (For 3 Cookies)
What It Says About You: You're that guy who was wearing acid wash jeans well after they were in style, and before they were certifiably cool again. Somehow, you made it an enviable decision. You have a deep respect for the trends of yore, and that reverence extends to baked goods. The Aloha Chip may have disappeared over a decade ago, but your allegiance to them lives on. Don't let go, homey. Don't ever let that go.
13. Dulce De Leche
Year Introduced: 2009
Flavor Profile: A delicately flavored vanilla cookie with aggressive bursts of milky caramel.
Mouth Feel: A firm cookie that avoids the mealy texture of its predecessors thanks to small, potently sweetened milk chips.
Calories: 160 Calories, 8 Grams of Fat (For 4 Cookies)
What It Says About You: Saccharine dairy products from Latin America are your "thing." Who wants caramel when you can have farm-to-table goat's milk? You mock those that consume thin mints in large quantities. Milk chocolate is for the unaware consumer. People who understand the joy of all-artisanal-everything know the devastation you experienced when these bite-sized cookies were pulled from your unwilling hands. Then you found out those small "caramel" chips were mass-produced in the US of A. Fair trade, indeed.
12. Thanks-A-Lot
Year Introduced: 2006
Flavor Profile: Subtle wafer cookie elevated by a rich layer of fudge.
Mouth Feel: A strangely satisfying crunch.
Calories: 150 Calories, 6 Grams of Fat (For 2 Cookies)
What It Says About You: You're cultured. And possibly a David Lynch superfan. A strange disc-like cookie that "speaks" a foreign language? Phrases of gratitude in Swahili? WHY?
11. Savannah Smiles
Year Introduced: 2012
Flavor Profile: Tart lemon cut by Southern sweetness.
Mouth Feel: Chalky, but in a pleasurable way.
Calories: 140 Calories, 5 Grams of Fat (For 5 Cookies)
What It Says About You: You're from Georgia, natch. Why else would you willingly purchase this misshapen, wanna-be Munchkin?
10. Lemonades
Year Introduced: 2006
Flavor Profile: SO MUCH SUGAR.
Mouth Feel: Crisp and resistant, like your true feelings.
Calories: 120 Calories, 7 grams of Fat (For 2 Cookies)
What It Says About You: You're insincere. No one can be this sweet all the time, amiright? Let your walls come down, and branch out to a higher plane of treats.
9. Shout Outs!
Year Introduced: 2011
Flavor Profile: This Belgian-style cookie has hints of caramel and tastes like newfound confidence.
Mouth Feel: Structured, with an enjoyably gravely finish.
Calories: 130 Calories, 5 Grams of Fat (For 4 Cookies)
What It Says About You: Your self-esteem has been worn thin after years of family members pawing at your fleshy cheeks and asking you when you'll finally bring home a nice girl. In a world of go-getters, you figure the chance of achieving greatness is unlikely. Maybe 2.2%. Every time your teeth bear down on these inspirational treats, you feel uplifted. Yes, you will "lead." You can "build." Suddenly, your sister's condescending turns of phrase seem so far away. In this moment, "Change" can be yours.
8. Kookaburras
Year Introduced: Early 1980s
Flavor Profile: Innocuous hints of rice flavoring with an intense caramel finish.
Mouth Feel: Crispy layers of rice and silky milk chocolate.
Calories: N/A
What It Says About You: You once had a daily habit of eating Twix bars and never sharing. It was always "two for you" and years of hoarding those candybars wore on you. The metaphysical consequences became too much to bear. When Kookaburras emerged on the scene, you knew how to make things right. You would say yes to those earnest faces knocking on your door. You would teach them lessons about money management and perseverance. You would buy every box they carried. Only then would you be justified in eating every single cookie in the box all by your damn self. Old habits die hard.
7. Lemon Chalet Cremes
Year Introduced: 1990s
Flavor Profile: Tastes like lazy childhood summers and tart, artificial sucrose.
Mouth Feel: A silky smear of lemony bliss.
Calories: 170 Calories, 7 Grams of Fat (For 3 Cookies)
What It Says About You: You pass your days reminiscing on more innocent times. A time when your to-do list consisted of rolling in freshly cut grass, licking melty popsicles, and catching lightening bugs in glass jars. You're a pathetic man child, and women are repulsed by your complete disregard of reality. You shun anything that resembles responsibility and dream OshKosh B'gosh dreams. One day she'll see how special you really are. ONE DAY. Until then, you'll be eating every damn lemon cookie sandwich you can get your inefficient hands on.
6. Double Dutch
Year Introduced: 1980s
Flavor Profile: Chocolate on chocolate on chocolate.
Mouth Feel: Semi-permeable, depending on how sharp your teeth are.
Calories: 110 Calories 6 Grams of Fat (For 2 Cookies)
What It Says About You: You're an outlier. Where other people see lack of diversity (Why two doses of chocolate? Is that necessary?) and a cookie named after a little girl's jump-rope trick, you see opportunity. You see freedom. But mostly you see a lot of fucking chocolate.
5. Do-Si-Dos (aka Peanut Butter Sandwiches)
Year Introduced: 1960s
Flavor Profile: PEANUT BUTTERRRRRR
Mouth Feel: A crag-like outercrust offset by its smooth center.
Calories: 160 Calories, 7 Grams of Fat (For 3 Cookies)
What It Says About You: The mold? You break it. While others were blindly bearing down on other sandwich cookies (Droxies, Oreos, those vending machine cookies that have no name) you were shaking your head. There had to be a better way. Shunning Vienna Fingers, you became the face of the cookie revolution. The Che Guevara of cookies, that's you.
4. Trefoils (aka Shortbreads)
Year Introduced: 1930s
Flavor Profile: Complex with hints of apricot and vanilla. Just kidding, it tastes like fucking Shortbread.
Mouth Feel: Deliciously sweetened cardboard.
Calories: 160 Calories, 7 Grams of Fat (For 5 Cookies)
What It Says About You: You're a recovering cannibal. Dissapointed that Girl Scout cookies were not made of actual Girl Scouts, you settled for chewing on the imprint of their cheerful visage instead. Or, you're just a sucker for simplicity. It could really go either way.
3. Tagalongs (aka Peanut Butter Patties)
Year Introduced: 1960s
Flavor Profile: Like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, but with an artificial aftertaste.
Mouth Feel: So silky.
Calories: 140 Calories, 9 Grams of Fat (for 2 Cookies)
What It Says About You: Torn between chocolate (see: Double Dutch, Samoas) and peanut butter (Do Si Dos), you did the only sensible thing there was to do. Like a man who is given three wishes after rubbing a magic lamp, and wishes for more wishes. Except the wishes were cookies, and the lamp was a Girl Scout. You should be ashamed.
2. Thin Mints
Year Introduced: 1950s
Flavor Profile: A jolt of minty electricity to your taste buds.
Mouth Feel: The glossy chocolate glides across your tongue.
Calories: 160 Calories, 8 grams of Fat (For 4 Cookies)
What It Says About You: There is a Thin Mint lover in all of us. A person smart enough to know a good thing when they see it, and certainly not foolish enough to leave these luscious chocolate disks to dissolve into a melted mess in the cabinet. But if you fail to place them in their rightful place in the freezer? You're a fool. Just a fool.
1. Samoas (aka Caramel deLites)
Year Introduced: Mid 1970s
Flavor Profile: A well-balanced blend of toasted coconut and chocolate. Caramel forward.
Mouth Feel: Three textured layers: a bumpy layer of coconut, a chewy caramel coating, and a subtle shortbread crunch.
Calories: 150 Calories, 8 grams of Fat (For 2 Cookies)
What It Says About You: You're a man who knows decadence when you see it. You sleep on 1,200 thread-count Egyptian sheets. You wear sweatpants woven from the hair of newborn babies. You require a cookie that will cover your beard in a stately smear of coconut bits and sweetened dairy product. The Samoa is your choice; those refined stripes of milk chocolate feel like home.