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Adam Sandler is a thief. Instead of sharing the cinematic wealth and doling out the role of Jill in his new movie Jack And Jill to one of Hollywood's many talented actresses, he decided to do them (and us!) dirty and take the role of both brother and sister for himself. That's straight greedy!
He's not the first to encroach on the opportunities of other. There's a long tradition of thievery in movies that began with white-dominated era in film where every racially diverse role was achieved by an over-reaching white man with an elaborate make-up job, a dirty disservice to both actor and moviegoer that continues to occur. From Tyler Perry taking on dual-sex roles in the neverending and needless Madea flicks and John Travolta in Hairsprary, even down to Eddie Murphy's repeat offenses in Norbit and The Nutty Professor, the role-stealing game is an old hustle.
With Jack And Jill, Sandler's sneaky move isn't just jipping the many capable comedienne's who could have profited from the role—he is short-changing us, the viewers, forcing us to endure a double-dosage of his now-lame shtick and inevitably failed attempts at humor. Because let's be real here, we can't even remember the last time Sandler was funny; our memory just doesn't extend that far back.
So while Jack And Jill's trite plot may have sprung the initial leaks in this soon-to-be box office Titanic, it was the double dose of Adam Sandler that sunk this movie before it ever set sail. But it didn't have to go down like this. Here, we offer our solution, albeit one that's too late, with the following list of the 10 Actresses Adam Sandler Stole A Job From.
Tina Fey
10. Tina Fey
If Adam Sandler would have shared the "Bossypants" with Tina Fey, she just might have used her comedic superpowers to rescue his remarkably lame film. It's no secret by now that Fey has the Midas touch when it comes to funny—everything she touches, from SNL skit to her 30 Rock scenes— turns to gold.
Fey isn't just side-splitting—she's also smart. She's one of the few actresses who possess the holy trinity of entertainment industry roles: comedian, writer, and producer. Which would have certainly come in handy for Sandler, who, in contrast, has an increasingly poor touch. Maybe, just maybe, Fey could have been Jack And Jill's savior.
Elizabeth Banks
9. Elizabeth Banks
Elizabeth Banks has the whole hot/funny girl thing down cold. Plus, more than any actress in Hollywood, she's honed an impressive talent for making us believe she's smitten with non-hunky dudes. She got all hot and bothered for Steve Carell's 40 Year Old Virgin and enamored with a broke friend (a.k.a. a pre-weight loss Seth Rogan) who gets her to have sex on camera for cash in Zack & Miri Make A Porno.
Somehow, Banks manages to pull the "hot chick loves average Joe" feat off, which is why we think she would be able to pull a sister act with Sandler and actually have us believing that the Sandman's gene pool could yield a beauty of her caliber. If Sandler would have coughed up the cash for Banks, maybe we would have actually believed Al Pacino's love interest in his sister Jill; instead, we're forced to roll our eyes in embarrassment.
Melissa McCarthy
8. Melissa McCarthy
Melissa McCarthy's work on the hit CBS comedy Mike & Molly recently scored her an Emmy, but it wasn't that, or even her role in the ultra-succcesful chick comedy Bridesmaids that won us over—it was her ability to take down a mean amount of ranch dressing. If she can fully commit to chugging a gallon of Hidden Valley Ranch (and make us hungry in the process), she might even make it possible for us to swallow an Adam Sandler movie, which is essentially 90 minutes' worth of poop jokes and annoying voices. A bitter pill indeed.
Zooey Deschanel
7. Zooey Deschanel
Indie darling Zooey Deschanel knows how to woo audiences with her quirky charms. The New Girl star has garnered sufficient laughs as Jim Carrey's counterpart in Yes Man and the object of WIll Ferrell's affection in Elf.
Descanel and Sandler's being blood-related might seem like a stretch at first, but think about it. The two already share an inclination to randomly break out in song; maybe they could even do a brother/sister duet. And we'd be all like "Wow, Zooey Descanel is quirky just like Adam Sandler!" Only, when she does it, it's actually entertaining—you know, mostly because she's hot.
Gabourey Sidobe
6. Gabourey Sidobe
If you've seen Precious, you may think Gabourey Sidobe can only do that high-drama thing. But, post-Precious, Sidobe has impressed Hollywood types with her cheeky personality and her sassy interviews, like her Chelsea Lately appearance, where she actually drew more laughs than Handler herself.
Her comedy-potential didn't go unnoticed; she landed a role in Tower Heist alongside comedy great Eddie Murphy, officially cementing her as a comedienne-in-the-making. Yet, Sandler chose to overlook her, and why? Just because she's a different race than him? She had the requisite, er, roundness, for the part. And sure, they might not look much alike on the surface, but she could have been his annoying adopted sister! Now that would have been a movie with laughter potential.
Kristin Wiig
5. Kristin Wiig
With over six years on Saturday Night Live under her belt, Kristin Wiig is undoubtedly one of the funniest women currently working in comedy. And now that her raunchy comedy Bridesmaids is a certified box-office smash, Wiig can add those scribe skills to her resume, too.
Which means she could have actually saved Jack and Jill's comedically limp script with her writing and her wit. And, judging from her many SNL personas, from "Target lady" to "surprise party fanatic", Wiig may actually be stranger than Sandler. The only thing they don't have in common? Wiig doesn't like to sing.
Leslie Mann
4. Leslie Mann
Leslie Mann has been racking up an impressive amount of comedy cred for some time now. Since her breakout role in 1996's The Cable Guy, to her impressive verbal assault of the doorman in Knocked Up, Mann has become the go-to woman for big laughs.
Having already proved she has on-screen chemistry with Sandler in Big Daddy and Funny People, the only thing keeping Mann from being Sandler's stout sibling is her naturally lean physique. But, if the way Mann drunkenly demands french toast in 40 Year Old Virgin is any indication, give her a well-padded fat suit and few grumbling lines about grub, and you'll have yourself a believably husky Jill in no time.
Drew Barrymore
3. Drew Barrymore
Drew Barrymore is Adam Sandler's comedic match in heaven. That's not to say her talent is on point with his (we wouldn't insult her that way); rather, she's the secret ingriedient that actually makes Sandler's overacted persona somehow seem believable.
Maybe it's her seasoned rom-com charm, but the two movies Barrymore starred in with Sandler—1998's The Wedding Singer and 2004's 50 First Dates— were his most genuinely affecting on-screen romances. Credit it to their seemingly effortless chemistry. Drew counters Sandler's goofy demeanor with her sweet naiveté, and actually has us convinced she finds his antics— singing about growing old together on airplanes and using the same pick up line 50 times—endearing. Her belief in his worth almost has us believing in him, too. Almost.
Barrymore's charming personality, coupled with her proven on-screen chemistry with him, would have made her the perfect Jill to his Jack.
Amy Poehler
2. Amy Poehler
Amy Poehler brought the hilarity to SNL for a solid seven years, and has shown no signs of stopping the laughter since. In addition co-starring with Tina Fey in the underrated flick Baby Mama, Poehler brings the funny on a weekly basis as the ever-earnest Leslie Knope on NBC's Parks And Recreation.
The only thing that could possibly be keeping Sandler from hiring Poehler to play his sibling? He's intimidated by her impressive resume. Unlike Sandler, who has never played anyone but Adam Sandler in every one his movies, Will Arnett's wifey has convincingly played everyone one from gangsta Sarah Palin to an ADD-afflicted mall rat.
Sure, Poehler might (okay, will) upstage you, Adam, but do the right thing for your next we-need-a-funny-chick film and take one for the team.
Anna Faris
1. Anna Faris
Ever since she dominated the Scary Movie franchise, Anna Faris' unique comic sensibilities have won her roles as the leading funny lady, from rejected sorriority girl in The House Bunny to accidental pot head in Smiley Face, neither of which registered heavily yet largely benefited from her presence. Faris doesn't just bring the funny to these films—she carries the brunt of the humor. She is the funny.
Faris has her own particular brand of humor, a bold, raunchiness played with sweet, slightly ditzy charm, which would effortlessly compliment the trademark man-child sensibility Sandler brings to every role. It'd be easy to envision her as a blood relative to Sandler, and her charming immaturity would be the perfect foil to Sandler's annoyingly infantile antics, making the flick actually enjoyable to watch. Unlike, you know, Jack And Jill.