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We live in the age of oversharing. In a recent op-ed by Frank Bruni in the New York Times titled "Naked Confessions of the College-Bound," Bruni talked about the trend of prospective college students taking their admissions essay to the next level—not in a good way—by divulging personal information that's better left unsaid. So, once you’ve finished your final round of SATs, completed your high school classes, and get to the final touches of your college applications, spend some time on the all-important essay. Don’t brush it off—these 500 words are what can make or break your chances of getting into your dream school. The application process can be tedious and stressful, but don’t freak out. Here are the typical mistakes college hopefuls make when they put together their admissions essay. Oversharing is definitely not a good look.
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Abuse Your Thesaurus
This is not a dissertation. Properly showing off your SAT vocabulary is a subtle art you should approach with a "less is more" aesthetic. Your writing should be approachable, like you're talking to a real person. Drop the pseudo-intellectual sentences and save them for the essays you'll inevitably have to bullshit later for class.
Unoriginally Explain Your Community Service Trip
Kumba-yawn. While volunteering is definitely great to include on your application, skimming over the basics of your Habitat for Humanity trip to the Philippines reads about as interesting as a bag of hair. If anyone else who went on the trip could write the exact same story, dig deeper.
Make Things Up
Honesty is the best policy with just about everything, college admissions included. If you were just a member of Key Club and not the president, that's totally cool. No need to make up some elaborate leadership story to impress the admissions readers.
Overshare
Writing about your heart-wrenching breakup with Megan is really cringe-inducing and sucks to read. Your past and present love life doesn't exactly tell the school anything about you as a person or student. Same goes for drinking, drug use, and your arrest record—leave illegal activities out completely.
Try Too Hard To Be Louis C.K.
The problem with humor is that it's 100% subjective, and therefore tricky to use well in a professional setting. While you might find your essay witty and hilarious, the admissions advisor reading it might think you're just an unfunny douche. If you're dead-set on using it, get second opinions from at least three people who all have different senses of humor—you're trying to appeal to as broad an audience as possible.
Write About Your Radical Political/Religious Views
These are pretty much the two most polarizing topics out there. If there's any potential at all to offend, chill and find another topic. You want to show that you are open to learning about new perspectives. If you're a zealot and are so passionate about your views that you don't appear to be open to other opinions, then maybe you should consider joining a cult instead of going to college. College is about expanding mind, not forcefully adhering to set beliefs.
Reiterate Something Already on Your Application
If your application already lists that you've played varsity soccer for three years, don't write about how a difficult challenge you overcame was working with your teammates and banding together against that dickbag forward Chad that played for Southwestern in regionals. The point is to show them something they don't already know about you—mainly, how you think about the world, yourself, and ideas. Get your creative juices flowing and write about something unique to you.
Prove You Didn't Research the College
You know that twinge of resentment you feel when an innocent Starbucks employee spells your name wrong on your coffee? Johns Hopkins feels that way times 10 when you call it John Hopkins. Pay attention to school details and touch on them in your essay; mentioning a specific department you're interested in, or a unique school tradition you think is cool will win you brownie points and show you're actually interested.
Knot Czech Yore Dam Spelling
For the love of God, proofread your shit. Nothing will hurt your chances of getting into your dream school more than an essay you haven't bothered to check for basic grammatical errors and misspellings—an application crammed with both will be unceremoniously slam-dunked into the trashcan. After you finish your final draft, proofread, proofread again, then have someone else (parent, teacher, well-read bro) double-check your work. Keep it A1, and good luck.