Image via Complex Original
Over the past 20-plus years, who else has chronicled and satirized pop culture quite like The Simpsons? The denizens of Springfield have always loved their cartoons, movies, and beer—oh, and video games. And missing fingers or not, they've been gaming their way through arcades and home consoles since the very first season back in 1989. So us being the fans that we are, we combed through the nearly 500 episodes to find the more than 70 video games (including one vaguely racist Pachinko game) that have appeared in the show. Many of them were game cabinets or box covers only—and you can find the massive compendium at the end of the list—but if you ever saw the game being played, we've got it here. From Super Slugfest to Earthland Realms, get ready for the greatest historical exhibit KNOWN TO MAN. D'oh or die!
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Super Slugfest
Episode: "Moaning Lisa"
Original Air Date: Feb. 11, 1990
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Beat ’em up
Complex Says: Can you immortalize fictional characters as even more fictional video game characters? Sure, why not. And we don't mean the Simpsons appearing in their own games (which they did)—we mean Bart and Homer playing a boxing game that features musclebound pugilistic versions of themselves (check the faces). Oh, and a Matt Groening fun fact: the referee in the game is drawn in a style almost identical to Groening's old Life In Hell characters Akbar and Jeff.
Super Slugfest Arcade Edition
Episode: "Moaning Lisa"
Original Air Date: Feb. 11, 1990
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Beat ’em up
Complex Says: After getting trounced by his son on the home console version of Super Slugfest, Homer goes on the gaming equivalent of a holy pilgramage—consulting the wise 9-year-old guru who rules the roost down at Noiseland Arcade (by now a veritable Springfield institution). And after barking like a dog and burning through a pocketful of quarters, all he gets for his trouble is being indirectly called a pedo by the kid's mom. Sorry, Homey.
Escape From Grandma's House
Episode: "Bart Gets An F"
Original Air Date: Oct. 11, 1990
Also Appears In: Game cabinet previously seen in "Moaning Lisa"
Genre: Platformer
Complex Says: Unwanted octogenarian affection and killer mothballs? Even Alex Kidd never had to endure such indignities. And not a birthday-check power-up to be found!
Touch of Death
Episode: "When Flanders Failed"
Original Air Date: Oct. 3, 1991
Also Appears In: "Radio Bart," "Boy-Scoutz N the Hood," "Bart the Mother"
Genre: Beat ’em up
Complex Says: 10% Karateka, 90% Liu Kang's Excellent Adventure (fine, we made that one up), ToD is one of the show's standby games. After all, what keeps a fitfh-grader in thrall more than a fatality-driven fighter? And don't say "teacher cleavage." He's only 10!
Grandpa's Unnamed Game
Episode: "Lisa's Pony"
Original Air Date: Nov. 7, 1991
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Shoot ’em up
Complex Says: Remember that time you gave your grandpa the joystick to have a go at Asteroids? And he unhitched the onion from his belt—which was the style at the time—and gave it a go, only to make you realize that not only was the generation gap real, but it had widened exponentially with the advent of the computer? Good times.
Larry the Looter
Episode: "Radio Bart"
Original Air Date: Jan. 9, 1992
Also Appears In: "Boy-Scoutz N the Hood," "The PTA DIsbands," "Bart the Mother," "Special Edna"
Genre: Platformer
Complex Says: Stick it to the man! No, wait, that's what Bart says. We say "it's like a very slow Sonic game, except instead of rings, you invariably lose all your boom boxes." And nothing makes us sad like being stripped of our hot boxes. Wait, that came out wrong.
Bowling 2000
Episode: "A Streetcar Named Marge"
Original Air Date: Oct. 1, 1992
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Sports
Complex Says: Why no, we have no idea what it's like to sit in bed next to our wife and try to get out of being a supportive husband because all we want to do is beat our own high score. But we hear it's called Being An Evolved Man. Where you goin', ladies?
Escape From Death Row
Episode: "New Kid On The Block"
Original Air Date: Nov. 12, 1992
Also Appears In: "The PTA Disbands"
Genre: Platformer
Complex Says: Hot older neighbor girls + video games as political satire = proof that Conan O'Brien (who wrote this episode) will never have to pay full price at a cosplay convention as long as he lives.
My Dinner With Andre
Episode: "Boy-Scoutz N The Hood"
Original Air Date: Nov. 18, 1993
Also Appears In: "The Springfield Files" "$pringfield"
Genre: Uncategorizable. "Conversational," maybe?
Complex Says: If there was ever the perfect game for Martin Prince, it's one based on the talkiest movie that ever talked your half-asleep ear off. Wait, no, we mean "what a scintillating and trenchant look at the human condition. Thank you, Wallace Shawn, for making such a gem!" Best part of the game? The controls. Hands down. *dead*
Panamanian Strongman
Episode: "Boy-Scoutz N The Hood"
Original Air Date: Nov. 18, 1993
Also Appears In: "The Springfield Files"
Genre: Beat ’em up
Complex Says: Troublesome racist King Kong imagery aside, George Bush popping up at the end with an anti-drug message was amazing on two counts: to lampoon the U.S.' duplicitous relationships with warlords like Noriega (the real Noriega), and as an inside joke for gamers referencing the infamous Reagan-and-Bush-era "Say No To Drugs" warnings at the beginning of games like Narc. Yes, Narc. Exactly.
Bonestorm
Episode: "Marge Be Not Proud"
Original Air Date: Dec. 17, 1995
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Fighting
Complex Says: The game that seduced Bart into shoplifting (with the help of an imagined Mario, Donkey Kong, Sonic, and almost-but-not-quite-in-order-to-avoid-a-lawsuit Lee Trevino). We kinda love that the game's marketing campaign is built on shitting all over Bart's other favorite game, Touch of Death—but sometimes that's what gaming beef is all about.
Kevin Costner's Waterworld
Episode: "The Springfield Files"
Original Air Date: Jan. 12, 1997
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: No one has enough quarters to find out
Complex Says: Attention, ’90s babies: See, in 1995, Kevin Costner spent $175 million of other people's money making his epis post-apocacraptastic Waterworld, the most expensive movie to date. And if there was one Springfield kid who would shell out $10 for 5 seconds of the game adapatation, could it really be anyone but Milhouse Van Houten, the child who cries when asked if he knows any knock-knock jokes?
Astro Blast
Episode: "Homer's Phobia"
Original Air Date: Feb. 16, 1997
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Shoot ’em up
Complex Says: Looks like an Asteroids clone to us, even if it serves no purpose other than to keep Bart nearby while Homer freaks out about John Waters having such a nefarious and pencil-mustachioed influence over him. Though if the writers really wanted to use an old-school game suggestive of the Gay Menace, they probably should have gone with Moon Patrol.
Pachinko
Episode: "The Canine Mutiny"
Original Air Date: Apr. 13, 1997
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Japanese sensory overload
Complex Says: Before you say it—yes, we know pachinko's not exactly a video game in the classic sense of the word. But it's way more qualified than Whack-a-Mole or Skee-Ball. Besides, we have a soft spot for The Simpsons' perennially weird (and quasi-racist) take on Asian culture. YOU A WINNA, HA HA HA! YOU A WINNA, HA HA HA! It's no Mr. Sparkle commercial, but it'll do in a pinch.
Cat Fight
Episode: "Bart Star"
Original Air Date: Nov. 9, 1997
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Fighting game/Creepy Japanese softcore
Complex Says: Is it just us, or is this the Jennie Garth-Shannen Doherty brawl everyone always hoped would break out on 90210? Just us? That's cool, we're fine with that.
Let's Make A Baby
Episode: "This Little Wiggy"
Original Air Date: Mar. 22, 1998
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Virtual reality/POV porn
Complex Says: We don't know what's better about this sex ed game found at the Springfield Knowledgeum: the aggressively hentai gun turrets, Homer's utter incompetence, or Krusty's seen-it-all weariness. We're just gonna go with all three.
Dash Dingo
Episode: "Lisa Gets An 'A'"
Original Air Date: Nov. 22, 1998
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Action-adventure
Complex Says: Half Crash Bandicoot, half Tomb Raider, all relic-hunting and Lisa-seducing. It's weird; we always figured that if any game was gonna strike her fancy, it would be Sid Meier's Civilization. Or anything by Tim Schafer. Except Brütal Legend. Sorry, Tim—it's not you, it's Lisa!
Virtual Doctor
Episode: "Little Big Mom"
Original Air Date: Jan. 9, 2000
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Medical sim
Complex Says: From the makers of Dragon Quest and Sim Sandwich, it's the doctor who gives you a diagnosis based on sketchy evidence, then peaces out! So, really, a perfect simulation of the American health care system! We see you, Simpsons. We see you.
Billy Graham's Bible Blaster
Episode: "Alone Again, Natura-Diddly"
Original Air Date: Feb. 13, 2000
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Rails shooter
Complex Says: If this was a ranked list rather than an exhaustive chronological catalog, you're looking at Top 5 dead or alive right here. From the Full Conversion of a Hindu holy man to "nah, you just winged him and made him a Unitarian," it's The Simpsons doing what it does best—skewering sanctimony while somehow not being mean-spirited. Take notes, Matt and Trey!
Halloween Hit and Run
Episode: "Special Edna"
Original Air Date: Jan. 5, 2003
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Arcade racer
Complex Says: An odd little throwaway, but we're not mad at it, if only for the conversation that happens along with it. "Pro boner"!
Hockey Dad
Episode: "The Regina Monologues"
Original Air Date: Nov. 23, 2003
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Fighting game
Complex Says: We never played hockey, but based on what little we know, this seems like a perfectly accurate depiction of what happens during youth league games—white rage, after all, is a dangerous thing. The best part: the forlorn expressions on the kids' faces in the background. YOU'RE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART, DAD!
Itchy & Scratchy (Handheld)
Episode: "Thank God, It's Doomsday"
Original Air Date: May 18, 2005
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Inter-species sadism
Complex Says: Wow, thanks for that second-and-a-half glimpse of Itchy pounding on Scratchy with a mallet. If this is what the arcade version at Noiseland plays like, it's no wonder no one's ever playing it.
Rocky III vs. Clara Peller
Episode: "Please Homer, Don't Hammer ’Em"
Original Air Date: Sept. 24, 2006
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Fighting game
Complex Says: On one hand, we have no idea why this game exists. On the other hand, it perfectly encapsulates the class of castoffs found in Captain Blip's Zapateria, the low-rent arcade in the even lower-rent Springfield Mall. Clearly the worst video game to come out of the early ’80s that isn't E.T.
Triangle Wars
Episode: "Please Homer, Don't Hammer ’Em"
Original Air Date: Sept. 24, 2006
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Shoot ’em up...kinda
Complex Says: Amazingly unfocused. Even more amazing, though, is the game sitting next to Triangle Wars—Polybius, an apocryphal game that urban legends claimed drove people insane and was pulled from arcades. Peep the "Property of U.S. Government" sticker on there; it's touches like that that makes this show one of the greats. Even when it's bad, it's better than everything else.
Death Kill City II: Death Kill Stories
Episode: "Yokel Chords"
Original Air Date: Mar. 4, 2007
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: Open-world fighting game
Complex Says: Because every child psychologist worth her salt packs a video game violent enough to break down the defenses of even the most reticent little bastards. Despite the GTA-style cover treatment, the game turns out to be a fighting game...albeit one that ends with you destroying all human life on Earth. Level 1 complete!
Earthland Realms
Episode: "Marge Gamer"
Original Air Date: Apr. 22, 2007
Also Appears In: N/A
Genre: MMORPG
Complex Says: Airing a mere six months after South Park's "Make Love, Not Warcraft," this episode brought Marge under the sway of the beastly massive multiplayer online role-playing game—even bringing other Springfield denizens into the game's world. And even though we've seen two of our favorite shows devote entire episodes to the genre, we STILL DON'T GET IT. Sorry, nerds!