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You know those Saturday nights, the ones where you have 10 people sitting around a coffee table, trying to think of a way drinking the bottle of Jack on the table? That was wildly specific, but for someone whose alcohol consumption is becoming repetitive, this is a curated list of things to prevent you from becoming a sad POS who drinks alone on Tuesdays or plays pong until their beer gut outshines any other part of our lives.
Shot Glass Russian Roulette
Buy now: $12
I think this has to be the easiest way to turn up a party. You spin the glass and you drink whatever is inside it. Repeat. The roulette board combines gambling and drinking, two of the most frowned-upon activities, and puts a nice little spin on them (pun totally intended). Own this and you’re basically guaranteed to have an amazing and unmemorable night. As Lil Jon notably said: "One shot, two shot, three shot, four.” Lil Jon also said, "Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots/EVERYBODY!" It’s best to listen to the man.
Shakoolie Shower Beer Koozie
Buy now: $10
Have you ever had a beer shower? And nah dude, we're not talking about the time you and some frat bro crushed cans of beer on your head at 11 p.m. and then smelled like PBR for the rest of the night. We're talking about standing in the shower and sipping on a beer. It’s a luxury more people should experience. And with this dope wall koozie, you can do it without worrying about dropping the heavy can on your toes.
Areaware Playing Cards
Buy now: $10
Upgrade King’s Cup (or side your side hobby of doing magic tricks, which is still never going to pan out man, so give up) with these fresh as hell playing cards. The deck is ultra minimalist, and will make you look way more cool, especially if the deck you currently own has cartoon characters on it.
Chillsner by Corkcicle
Buy now: $20
While it is incredibly regrettable that this product is called the Chillsner, what it does is really cool. You can keep any bottle of beer cool without having to go through the stress you’d normally have to go through. It’s perfect for summer days, and also for not having to make multiple trips to the kitchen during the game.
Homemade Gin Kit
Buy now: $54
Never be the lame dude who brings oddly-flavored beer to a party again. Stunt on everyone and achieve some next-level status by making your own gin. This is some bona fide hipster shit, and if you don’t screw up the process, it's guaranteed to get you a few compliments on your ingenuity or something like that. Snoop Dogg’s “Gin and Juice” wasn’t talking about you or your gin, but you should adopt it as your theme song anyway.
Chill Balls
Buy now: $34
You know that feeling when you’re about halfway through your mixed drink and it starts tasting like the shitty ice you put into it? Never suffer from watered-down drinks again with these metal balls. And yes, having these in your glass would permit you to drop the line, “I have balls of steel,” while pointing at your glass. But you can use that line exactly one time. So use it wisely.
101 Places to Get F*cked Up Before You Die
Buy now: $10
Whether you are just trying to amp up a family vacation or planning your next grand adventure, this book can make anywhere you go more interesting. It’s basically as the title dictates: a list of places where you can drink your ass off, and it will be with like-minded individuals in an awesome place. Replace your solitary sobriety with some intoxicated solidarity.
Fruit Keg Tapping Kit
Buy now: $20
If you’ve ever wanted to get wasted out of a melon, here’s your chance. This turns practically any large piece of fruit into a full-on keg. Watermelon Vodka. Melon Stands. This thing creates endless possibilities. Prepare to have the best jungle juice ever.
Sonic Foamer
Buy now: $28
If you are one of those dudes who say “Do you have any IPA’s?” or “Is this a summer brew?” or any other of those classic brew bro things, this is the ultimate tool for you. You can’t redo the first time with too many things (which is really, really unfortunate) but with this foamer, each sip can be just like the first. Cheers to new beginnings and such.
Craft a Cocktail Kit
Buy now: $20
Make basically any drink with this dope shaker. It’s got the ratios and measurements on the side of the cannister, and the clear glass means that you'll know if you’re getting the desired result. What I think of when I see this is the moment when Drake, in those oversized serial killer glasses, brings a girl back to his place and offers her a drink. You just know that his ass runs into the kitchen and has one of these so he can make her a fancy drink, and then he pretends it’s no big deal.
Phone Breathalyzer
Buy now: $50
After utilizing the rest of the shit on this list, you’re gonna need a DD. Make sure you or a friend are good to drive with a pocket breathalyzer, because drunk driving is never cool, fam. Make sure you make it home to yours.