Image via Complex Original
Costume factories are where imagination goes to die. Creativity literally curls up into the fetal position, taking shallow breaths and calls out "I'm headed to the light" while conveyor belts of Sexy Scrabble costumes run overhead. When sexy costume designers hit the drawing board, bizarre things happen. It seems anything (like any object that exists or has existed) can become sexified in the spirit of Halloween.
We found 30 of the most tragic, strange and offensive "sexy" Halloween costumes out there. Consider this a visual guide to your destruction of your childhood, one spandex bodysuit at a time.
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Sexy House
Where to get it: Hollywood Toys and Costumes
Price: $49.99
Someone in a factory on the other side of the planet is patting themselves on the back for adding that cat. They shouldn't be.
Sexy Winnnie the Pooh
Where to get it: Yandy
Price: $79.96
That's not what Pooh meant when he said he wanted some honey.
Sexy Hitler
Where to get it: n/a
Price: n/a
As deeply offensive as it is ridiculous.
Sexy Chucky Doll
Where to get it: Costume Store
Price: $55.00
This looks like Kim Kardashian with a bad dye job after her and Kanye divorce. Just don't.
Sexy Ronald McDonald
Where to get it: n/a
Price: n/a
This explains that tingly feeling we get in the McDonald's drive thru.
Sexy French Fries
Where to get it: Yandy
Price: $47.95
French fries remind us of shame and indigestion. Don't force us to put those things on you.
Sexy Pig
Where to get it: Yandy
Price: $98.95
You could've picked any other animal. No, seriously, ANY OTHER ANIMAL.
Sexy Corn on the Cob
Where to get it: Yandy
Price: $59.95
There's nothing sexy about what happens to your teeth after eating corn. Don't you understand that?
Sexy Sriracha
Where to get it: Buy Costumes
Price: $16.99
We see what you did here, and we're not as upset as we thought we would be.
Sexy Crayon
Where to get it: Costume Craze
Price: $46.19
Our elementary school memories have been twisted into something terrible. Make it stop.
Sexy Guitar
Where to get it: Costume Shopper
Price: $29.47
Somewhere in America, Hendrix is tearing out of his grave in rage.
Sexy Cookie Monster
Where to get it: Yandy
Price: $55.95
We can't support sexualizing Sesame Street characters. Also, this is just a blue dress with googly eyes on top. Just saying.
Sexy Little Girl
To Catch a Predator: The Halloween Special.
Sexy Elvis
Where to get it: Costume Craze
Price: $44.65
The phrase "rest in peace" was coined for this specific reason.
Sexy Pippi Longstockings
Where to get it: Halloween Costume
Price: $38.99
Pippi was like eight years old in the movie and books. So, there's that.
Sexy Polar Bear
Where to get it: Halloween Costumes
Price: $48.99
You wouldn't survive a single day in the North Pole. Not.a.single.one.
Sexy Scrabble
Where to get it: Buy Costumes
Price: $17.99
Strip Scrabble is a thing, but this? This is not.
Sexy Monsters, Inc.
Where to get it: For Play Catalog
Price: $39.99
Can we all just agree children's movies are officially off limits?
Sexy Silence of the Lambs
Where to get it: Spirit Halloween
Price: $16.97
How To Unsuccessfully Combine Sexy and Scary: A Visual Guide.
Sexy Mummy
Where to get it: Costume Craze
Price: $45.05
The new MILF.
Sexy Shower
Where to get it: Halloween Party Store
Price: $59.95
Cleanliness is next to godliness, but this is next to "Do you own a mirror?"