Image via Screencap
This week, Preview Review looks into the future to bring you trailers from all the 2016 blockbusters. Besides the final movie of 2015, the previews of next spring’s big blockbusters aren’t looking very enticing. We’re trying to stay optimistic that the upcoming year’s movies won’t all be this bad.
The Divergent Series: Allegiant
Genre: Adventure, Sci-Fi
Director: Robert Schwentke
Stars: Shailene Woodley, Zoe Kravitz, Theo James
Release date: March 18, 2016
We’re still four months away from the premiere of Allegiant and we’ve already reached peak trailer saturation. Each trailer gives us the same information. Theo James and Shailene Woodley make out, the group finally makes it over the wall, and no one has found a way to make space ships look cooler than they did in the original Star Wars trilogy. But maybe the best part of this trailer is the idea that Chicago can be saved by one powerful white girl. Good luck with that.
Gods of Egypt
Genre: Adventure, Fantasy
Director: Alex Proyas
Stars: Gerard Butler, Brenton Thwaites, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
Release date: February 26, 2016
Clearly Gods of Egypt is a very historically accurate movie. Did you know that Egypt was ruled solely by white people with British accents? And all those white British people were also immortal gods with superpowers? Unfortunately no one is going to be interested in learning all of these important facts about ancient Egypt because the special effects in this movie look dated already. I’m pretty sure if ancient Egypt was ruled by magical beings, they wouldn’t choose to look like poorly animated metal statues.
Concussion
Genre: Drama, Sport
Director: Peter Landesman
Stars: Will Smith, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Alec Baldwin
Release date: December 25
Is this too late to be an Oscar contender? A dramatic true story, Concussion takes on the NFL brain injury scandal. Will Smith plays Dr. Bennet Omalu, the man who discovered the link between concussions sustained during football games and the deaths of retired NFL players. Alec Baldwin shows up to play Alec Baldwin (no complaints here). Maybe this will be the movie to finally win The Fresh Prince the Oscar that he deserves?
The Huntsman: Winter’s War
Genre: Action, Adventure, Drama
Director: Cedric Nicolas-Troyan
Stars: Jessica Chastain, Chris Hemsworth, Emily Blunt, Charlize Theron
Release date: April 22, 2016
The second hottest Hemsworth is all over the big screen this year. In The Huntsman: Winter’s War, he and Jessica Chastain apparently serve the ice queen as huntsmen (huntspeople?). But then Charlize Theron shows up and all hell breaks loose or that’s what the trailer wants us to believe. But besides showing Theron with a bunch of black shit spewing out of her mouth and Emily Blunt looking fierce, it’s unclear what kind of evil is actually being unleashed.
How to Be Single
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director: Christian Ditter
Stars: Dakota Johnson, Alison Brie, Leslie Mann, Rebel Wilson
Release date: February 12, 2016
This movie desperately wants to be a girl power-fueled vehicle to take the money of all the proud single ladies going on friend dates this Valentine’s Day. But between Dakota Johnson’s questionable acting and the tired jokes about hairy vaginas, How to Be Single looks like garbage. If you happen to be a single lady tempted to see this movie, do yourself a favor and maybe just stay home.
Now You See Me 2
Genre: Action, Comedy, Thriller
Director: Jon M. Chu
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Lizzy Caplan, Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson
Release date: June 10, 2016
Does anyone even remember when Now You See Me came out? Did anyone know there was going to be a sequel? Did anyone ask for a sequel? I’m upset about the fact that such a great set of actors is involved in such a throwaway movie. But I’m even more upset about the fact that there is not one, but TWO movies that have been made about Criss Angel-style magicians.